You win, Matt loses.

"Fuck! Really?!" You exclaim in dismay, looking at Matt's pitiful pair of twos. You, on the other hand, played a straight flush.

Of course, Tom starts laughing his ass off. "Go ahead, John, look deep into his eyes and take his pants off! If you two go fuck each other, that would leave just me with all these ladies!"

"Whatever man," Matt says as you pull his sneakers off unceremoniously. You refrain from tacking on a "fuck off".