You up?

You don't care if it makes sense. You need a real life dick and you need it now. You pull the beads out with a series of PLOPs that make your knees shake and your toes curl. You know you made the right decision. Just to be safe, you take another gulp from the bourbon and it agrees that you are making perfectly "rashuhnalishtic" decisions.

You find your phone and pose in front of the mirror, sticking your tongue out lewdly so your implication isn't too subtle. Still not sure that you've been forward enough, you turn around and get a shot of your gaping asshole. "Fugg yessh. Ima shexy bish." You send the photos along with the message "Com ger itt ' stood!!!"

You lie back on the bed, smiling like the cat that ate the canary's load. No way he can resist that. As if in agreement, your phone buzzes. You answer it after three whole rings, not wanting to seem too ****..."Heeeeeey isssssh someun feelin' horneys?"

"I sure am, I just didn't expect to be getting a call from you of all people. I mean, I always suspected you were a sissy, but what a way to come out to me. I'm on my way over, be ready." Your heart stops...you can't breathe...you are pretty sure you just died and woke up in Hell. That isn't Dirk's voice...you just fat fingered and called...