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Chapter 20 by Miriam Miriam

Are you seriously going to show up for another porn audition?

Yes, head to the studio (Day 1)

The rest of the day feels like an internal struggle. Each time you entertain the thought of showing up to a second audition you feel yourself actively block the indecent thought. Surely you can't show up again now that you are well aware that they want you to become an actress in a porno? Your life and financial situation may not be the way you want it currently, but you still feel like you have too much integrity to be reduced to getting fucked by strangers on camera for cash.

But you could really use the money...

Later you curse yourself loudly as you catch yourself weighing the pros and cons of being a porn star for the umpteenth time today. You think back to the wildly sexual dream you had this morning. Was it some kind of vision of the future? It seemed so real... and it left you feeling so excited. Somehow getting a surprise insemination during your job interview did little to quench that lust. And again, the amount of money you earned in just twenty minutes today...

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK", you mutter as you place your head on your pillow that night. Somehow you just know you'll be going to the audition tomorrow...

The next day...

You didn't have a sexual dream this night, nor did you set an early alarm clock. You wake up late in the morning and drag yourself to the bathroom. Your hair looks like a mess with all the rolling and thinking you've been doing during the night. You briefly consider just going back to bed and sleeping through the day, but eventually you resign yourself to groggily wrangling your hair back in place with a comb. You need to look presentable for your second audition today.

Doubt is all you feel as you ride the bus downtown again. You firmly resolve to leave the studio if anyone so much as considers prematurely fucking you again. You're showing up to talk business and hear what they have to offer you. Not simply for another fast fuck and a quick buck. That's what you tell yourself anyway. But why does it almost feel like you have butterflies in your stomach? You catch yourself shaking a little. Your nerves, surely.

The bus is almost at the stop. If you're still having second thoughts you need to make up your mind now.

Are you really going through with this?

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