With something a little outlandish

‘Yes,’ you continued, ‘so then I told them all they were very naughty boys and they should take a long, hard, look in the mirror. I explained that they were letting me down, they were letting their parents down, but most of all…’ another sip of your drink for the comic timing, ‘they were letting themselves down.’

Becky laughed. ‘Oh my god, that’s brilliant! What did they say?’

‘They said they would go out and find proper jobs the next day, and start contributing to society.’ You nodded, sagely. ‘Then everybody clapped.’

‘What? Who clapped? Were there other people there?’

You stared at Becky for a moment. Could she really be believing all this nonsense?

‘Ummm,’ you felt at a bit of a loss. ‘Yes, a group of girls were walking past and saw me putting a stop to the muggers. They were very impressed.’

Becky’s eyes were wide. ‘Oh my god, thank goodness you were there! Otherwise those girls could have been in big trouble.’

Again, you squinted at your friend, trying to work her out.

‘Well yes, They were very grateful. So of course they all gave me a blow job.’

‘Really?’ Becky was now open-mouthed as well as wide-eyed. ‘How many were there?’

‘Three. All underwear models on their way home from a shoot.’

She sat back in her seat. ‘Well, never a dull moment with you, is there? I can’t believe this wasn’t the first thing you told me tonight. I would have blurted it all out before I even sat down!’

You still couldn’t be entirely sure, but it did seem as though one of your oldest and best friends was completely buying every stupid and unbelievable thing you were saying. On the one hand you considered that this might be an opportunity to have a bit of fun. You had often noticed Becky’s ass in those tight jeans and wondered how it would feel to grab a handful. On the other hand, she was your friend, and it wouldn’t be right to try to take advantage.

You looked across the table at her as she took a sip of her wine and made your mind up.