Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to !

You learned a few very important things while you were with Hermione. One, no matter how preppy a girl might be they can still be a sex maniac. Two, there is such thing as too much pussy. Three, and most importantly, never correct a girl when you’re tiny and alone with them.

You pucker up, stepped forward and place your lips on Luna’s fat upper lip. You’re not got to correct Luna. If she said you were her boyfriend, you were going to smile and agree with her. Luna was always a funny girl. Not funny ha-ha, funny in that she was odd and unpredictable. You don’t know how she’d take you telling her that you aren’t dating, probably not well. The last thing you need is an enraged Luna going nuts on you. You’ll be her boyfriend, it was a lot better then being a stain on her sole or a meal in her belly.

Also, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t also interested in getting closer to the blond Ravenclaw. Sure she wasn’t as gorgeous as Cho or as stacked as Ginny, but you’d love to get into her pants, preferably on without her stuffing you in there. You might be afraid of suffocating inside vaginas, but you aren’t afraid of getting close to them.

Kissing Luna is odd, what with her lips being as big as you, but you give it the old college try. You suck on the supple flesh of her lip, finding an oddly musky taste lingering there. Ignoring it, you grab handfuls of the soft lip and push harder, nearly stuffing your mouth with spongy flesh. The kiss isn’t really working, it feels like your trying to make out with a sponge. Luna seems to sense your dissatisfaction, so she tries kissing you back. Which doesn’t really work out.

A powerful suction pulls you towards the middle of her mouth. You barely have a second to register what’s happening before your sucked headfirst into Luna’s puckered lips. You squirm as you’re pulled in past your shoulders. Your face slides over her slimy tongue just before she stops kissing, leaving your legs kicking violently just outside her puckered mouth. You stare into the dark, warm cave like mouth, looking wildly around at the glistening interior before locking eyes with the dark pit like throat. You had feared being pulled down that abyss a few moments earlier, it seemed your fears were justified.

“Get me out of her!” Your voice echoes in the roomy mouth. Like a good girlfriend, Luna hears you and pinches your tiny ankles between her thumb and forefinger. She yanks you out, sliding you right over her puffy lips. Hanging upside down from her fingers, covered in saliva, you promise yourself that there will be no more kissing between you and Luna in the foreseeable future.

“Harry,” Luna bellows and lifts you up so you’re dangling upside down right in front of her face. She narrows her eyes at you and pouts. “Were you trying to stick your baby-making stick into my mouth while we had our first kiss.”

“Um…no?”

Your unenthusiastic response gets a toothy grin from Luna. “Okey-dokey.” And like that, Luna returns to normal or as normal as she can be. Her smile disappears and she puts you back into the middle of her palm, but not before you spot something in-between her teeth. Sitting down in her hand, you wipe off her saliva, wondering how many more times girls are going to slime you. Hermione’s cum was still sticking to very sensitive parts of your body; you didn’t want to think about where you had Luna’s saliva now.

You look back up to see Luna giving you doe eyes, while maintaining a clueless expression. It’s a little odd, so you try to bring up something that will make Luna stop looking so…Looney. “Luna, I think I saw something between your teeth.”

You gesture to the right side of her mouth and Luna opens wide and reaches in. Maybe you shouldn’t have told her that because now you can see deep into her mouth. It’s a pretty intimating sight, especially because you know how effortlessly you could disappear in there. Your actually relieved when Luna finds what was sticking between her teeth and pulls it out. Her mouth closes and you stare at the brightly colored object that was in Luna’s mouth.

“A red hair?” You say with a raised eyebrow. A long, wet red hair was between Luna’s fingers and she was staring at it closely with a tiny half-smile on her face. “Must be Ginny’s,” Luna says and then tosses the hair away without a second thought.

“Why do you have Ginny’s hair between your teeth?” You ask and get a bad feeling right away. You caught the conversation between Ginny and Luna earlier and it seemed painful obvious that they hadn’t been studying. You didn’t think about it too hard because you had more important things to worry about, namely your safety, and also you didn’t want to make your erection even harder. Still if you were going to date Luna, you should know about her preferences.

Luna smiles dimly at you and giggles softly. Her cheeks get slightly red as she pulls you closer. Your right in front of her lips again, but you don’t think she’s going to try and kiss you this time. Luna speaks in a whisper, why you have no idea. You’re both completely alone. “Well, you know how each house in Hogwarts have a certain characteristic that sets that house apart from all the others?”

“Of course. Gryffindors are brave, Slytherins are sneaky, Hufflepuffs are loyal and Ravenclaws are…”

Luna starts giggling again and your nearly thrown from her hand. Her hot breath blows on you as she giggles uncontrollably. Finally she settles down, looking at you with almost sympathy. You don’t get it, what are you missing?

“Silly Harry, I’m not talking about those characteristics. I’m talking about the ‘other’ ones. You know, how Gryffindors enjoying nothing more then getting blowjobs. Or how Slytherins love doing it from behind in the arse. Or how Hufflepuffs are pros at bondage. Or the age old fact about most Ravenclaws that everyone knows and loves about us.”

“What?”

“That we are complete sluts,” Luna says proudly. You nod numbly, your mind trying to grasp what Luna was saying. Part of you didn’t want to believe it, mostly because this shocking fact was coming from Luna of all people. Yet, you slowly realize that what she's saying might be true. You had heard whispers about some of the houses having other specific characteristics that stood out from everyone else, but you had always thought it was favorite colures or something stupid like that.

Now that you think back, there were signs. The guys on the Gryffindor Quidditch team constantly loved to talk about who they think gives the best head. You’d also often seen many of the Slytherin girls walking funny and rubbing their bums; then again, you saw Malfoy doing that often so what does that say. This also finally explains that gimp mask that you saw fall out of Susan Bone’s bag last year. Not to mention you finally understand why so many guys want to ‘study’ with Ravenclaw and after their ‘study sessions’ come back looking very exultant.

“Wow, I never knew sex was such a big thing in Hogwarts,” you mutter and shake your head. Your shocked by this information and very disappointed that your finding out about it when your this close to ****. You never really thought about sex in Hogwarts because surviving the next evil plan from the dark cock-blocker was always first on your mind. To know that you missed out on blowjobs and slutty Ravenclaw girls because of Voldemort made you want to kill the ass faced bastard more then ever.

Luna nods sympathetically, patting you on the head with her huge finger. “Well Harry, you have always been a little clueless about what’s going on around you. Luckily you have a girlfriend like me to keep your head out of the clouds.”

You just stare at Luna now, knowing how insane what she just sad but unable to deny it. She did know more about what went on behind closed doors in Hogwarts then you and she also knew more about sex. She’d told you that Ravenclaws were complete sluts and hadn’t tried to tell you that she was an exception. You could now acknowledge that she had given Ginny a special massage and had probably done more. There was also a good chance your crush was a member of the nice and easy Ravenclaw club. You knew that a lot of guys had congratulated Cedric when he started dating Cho, but you had thought they were only happy he had gotten a gorgeous girlfriend. You finally understand why so many guys told him to stock up on pep potions, the wizard equivalent of Viagra.

“So Luna, I guess you’ve been with a lot of guys, huh?” You slowly say to her and immediately regret it when she suddenly looks sad.

“Harry, how can you say that? You’re the first boy I’ve ever dated, the first one to show me your baby making stick, the first I let hump my breasts. What kind of girl do you think I am?” She pouted and put you down on the bed beside her. Now your confused and worried. Didn’t she just say a second ago that she was a complete slut? You always knew Luna was a mystery, but this was more confusing then Voldemorts last evil plot. Ready to apologize to Luna, she starts speaking again, her voice back to it’s normal distant tone.

“No man has ever touched me, a few dozen different girls have, but no boys. Cho usually takes the boys, usually two or three at a time, leaving me with their female friends, sisters, or female acquaintances. I’m very good at licking at their clam holes, I always try to reach the snuntrant that lives deep in all girl’s clam holes. Did you know Harry that snuntrants can live in a woman for decades without food and water? They ward off predators by releasing a sticky juice that they spray out of the hole. Mine has been spraying it out like crazy when you were trying to male babies with my boobies. I don’t think he likes you Harry.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you tell Luna. Maybe Luna wasn’t the best person to be with, she was nice and gentle, but utterly insane. You slowly start backing away, wondering if you can scurry down her bed and get away while she’s distracted. Her hand suddenly swoops in from behind you and scoops you up. You’re back in her hand, but not for long, she puts you right on her chest, directly in front of the deep valley of cleavage that you had been hiding in before. You look back into the dark crevice as Luna stares down at you with vacant eyes.

Maybe you’re overreacting. So Luna thinks there is a monster living in her twat, she thinks gnomes control the government with magic turnips and you still think of her as a friend. This snuntrant thing is nothing to be scared of.

“I think my snuntrant doesn’t like you because he’s afraid you shot your sticky stick juice into my clam hole and drown him. That’s how babies are born Harry, men drown the snuntrant and a baby grows from his corpse. It’s very scientific.”

“Right,” you nod. If you ever get out of this, you are going to distance yourself from Luna and buy her a book on sexual reproduction. This is beyond weird, and the way she’s looking at you does not make you feel any better. You don’t know what Luna’s going to say next, but you know it isn’t going to make a lick of sense to you.