Weapons

They say a good offense is the best defense. At Corporate Magus, we ask "Why not remove both?" When your foes are fighting their own weapons, they'll be powerless to harm you or defend themselves. Here at Corporate Magus, we see that as an unbridled success. Be sure to defend yourself by arming your enemies with the very best in cursed weaponry and deviant devices.

Angler's Arrows: The experienced and wary thief will likely be sure to carefully examine any enchanted item before bearing them in battle. Rarely, however, will even the most cautious of ne'er do well bother investigating a handful of seemingly ordinary arrows forgotten in a cobwebbed cupboard. Unfortunately for such careless intruders, Angler's Arrows are crafted with a unique blend of invisible glyphs and extra-planar attractants perfect for summoning horrors from beyond our mortal understanding. "Corporate Magus, aren't you playing with powers beyond your understanding/control?" you might ask. Of course not, we leave that to your enemies. Minutes after activation, invisible, otherworldly beings will be drawn towards the eerie allure of Angler's Arrows. Watch (from a safe distance) in delight as your foes are plagued by phantoms they can neither perceive nor harm. Chortle in relative safety as opposing priests and mages mistake these ethereal threats for ghosts or malicious spirits and waste their time and energy on completely ineffectual spells. "Couldn't summoning such creatures lead to catastrophic destruction of our realm?" Not with our new and improved version 1.2. Now our arrows will only summon beings with unbridled curiosity towards our mortal anatomy and physiological reactions. Will your temporary involuntary volunteer servants be mopping up fluids for days? Yes! Will those fluids be blood or spinal fluid? Probably not!

Bestial Battleaxe: Do you frequently deal with meatheads hell bent on ruining your secret projects/industry research? Do you have a healthy supply of cannon fodder/ disposable interns? If you answered yes, the Bestial Battleaxe is the product for you. This arcane axe grants the wielder the strength and intellect of a savage beast. With every foe slain, the user will grow stronger and more feral, loosing intellect, charisma, and all sense of self preservation. After removing your unwanted staff, the meatheads will be nearly mindless and easily fooled by anything more complex than a push door. Corporate Magus recommends pairing Bestial Battleaxe with Magnetic Tiles, Dividing Slimes, Haunting Voices, or any of your favorite CM home defense devices.

Claymore of Climax: Many claim they would do anything for power. Few have the will to prove their dedication. Test your foe's mettle and discipline with the Claymore of Climax. Whether stuck in a stone, hidden behind an obvious false wall, or stashed in a heavily trapped chest, thieves and burglars just can't help grabbing big shiny toys they shouldn't have. Corporate Magus's Claymore of Climax amplifies the strength of its wielder to a truly impressive degree. Thanks to CM's patented empathetic alchemy and transference glyph technology, every blow stimulates the wielder's nerves in direct proportion with the damage dealt. Not with agonizing pain of course, wouldn't want pesky masochists abusing a perfectly good curse. Instead, waves of pleasure and ecstasy flood the pea brains of mindless brutes, raising their libido with each severed limb, weapon rent, and door smashed down with the blade in hand. Should the wielder reach their peak, their strength is pulled from their bodies via the best in class vampiric sigils, and added to the blade's ever growing runes. Leave foes spent in more ways than one and physically helpless all for the cost of a few unpaid interns and/or Corporate Magus brand Grasping Vines. Thanks Claymore of Climax!

Iron Wyrm: What's better than a shape-shifting weapon that perfectly fits the wielder in battle? For you, a shape-shifting weapon that perfectly fits the wielder outside of battle. That's right. In the right hands, this wondrous weapon is a broadsword, battleaxe, bo staff, bottle opener and more at the wielder's whim. It even "sheathes" as a stylish and non threatening wrist accessory. Careful though, falling asleep whilst wearing the Iron Wyrm will trigger Corporate Magus's patented smart binding enchantments. Handcuffs, chastity belts, arm-binders, harness gags, and more will envelop the uncautiously **** while they slumber. Corporate Magus highly recommends pairing Iron Wyrm with our beloved Blackout Beer, Sleepy Song Sigil, or Net of Napping products.

Stay tuned for new products and updates...