Told ya I'd get a big ham

"Okay, I've got the roast, the turkey, the yams, the vegetables, the mashed potatoes, and the cranberries all on the table while the ham is in the oven..." Taylor said as she went over the list, "All I have to do next is grab a -"

"OH, COME THE FUCK ON, REF! ARE YOU BLIND?! THAT WAS A FREAKING TOUCHDOWN AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU BRAINDEAD MORON!"

Taylor sighed as she shook her head, walking towards the living room. She gasped in shock as she saw her roommate screaming at the football game on TV, the room littered with chip bags and beer cans as the chubby woman tugged at her hair in frustration.

"Fiona!" Taylor screeched, looking around the room in disgust. "I told you to keep this place spotless! My family is gonna be over for Thanksgiving in a couple of hours!"

"Relax, I'll clean it up once half-time hits." Fiona said nonchalantly, not even looking at Taylor as she sat back down and stuffed a handful of chips into her mouth.

"Fi, I only asked you to do two things in exchange for staying and not going to your family's house for Thanksgiving: Don't make a mess, and help me with preparations." Taylor groaned. "And, so far, you haven't done either!"

"I said I'll get to it!" Fiona groaned through a mouthful of chips. Swallowing, she added, "Then I'll be out of you and your family's hair. Especially with that creepy, chubby chasing sister of yours who keeps drooling over me. I mean, that hunky brother of yours, Jeff, I wouldn't mind eyeing me up at least once, but Colleen -"

"Okay, I get it!" Taylor spat in exasperation. Taking a deep breath to calm down, she began again. "I'm heading to the store to see if they have any pumpkin pie mixes left, and I have a ham in the oven. Can I trust you to not only clean this mess up, but to also make sure the ham doesn't burn?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." Fiona said, waving a hand before grabbing another beer and chugging it down.

"Somehow, I doubt that..." Taylor said before she left the house.

"Okay, so there was no more pumpkin pie mix." Taylor said to herself as she carried a store bought pie to the door, unlocking it with one hand. "It might be cheating, but my parents won't care, just so long as pie is on the table."

Taylor opened the door... And gasped in shock as she saw Fiona asleep on the couch, snoring loudly. The living room was still an absolute mess!

"FIONA!" Taylor yelled angrily as she slammed the door, placing the pie on the counter.

"I swear, Office! I've never seen that elephant before in my life!" Fiona snorted, now fully awake as she knocked over several empty beer cans while jumping to her feet. Looking around, she yawned and asked, "What's the score?"

"You, one. My Patience, zero!" Taylor snapped as stomped towards her roommate. "I asked you to do two things, Fiona. Two, very simple things before I got back home. My parents, brother, and sister are going to be here in half an hour, and this place is still a freaking mess! Couldn't you at least have -" she sniffed the air, "What's that smell?"

"Got me. You're the one who's been cooking all day."

Taylor gasped in horror. "THE HAM!"

Taylor then pushed past her roommate and into the kitchen, frantically opening the oven to pull out the meat in question...

Which had now been burt to a crisp.

"FIONA!"

"Hey, don't blame me for this. This was your fault." Fiona said as she stepped into the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab a beer.

"My f- MY FAULT?!" Taylor snapped, slamming the cooking tray on the counter. "How the hell is this my fault?! I asked YOU to -"

"Exactly." Fiona said, "You asked me when you knew how lazy I was. I don't see the problem anyway. You still got a roast and turkey on the table."

"Colleen can't eat turkey! That's why I make the ham and the roast!"

"Well, just go out and buy another ham."

"'Buy another -'... I just got back from the store!" Taylor yelled, "There are no more hams! Where the hell am I gonna get another ham?!"

Fiona pulled a beer out of the fridge, closed the door, popped the can... And merely shrugged. "Hell if I know. You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out."

Taylor was about ready to knock Fiona's teeth out before a thought popped into her head. An evil grin came to her face as she said, "You know what? You're right. However, while I can't get a ham for dinner, I can still get another pig on the table..."

"What?" Fiona asked in confusion as she saw Taylor pick up an apple...

Taylor had just finished cleaning the living room when the doorbell rang, causing the woman to dust herself off as she walked by the dining room...

Smirking at the naked and bound Fiona on a large silver platter, strugging to get free as the apple in her mouth muffled her screaming.

"Hey, don't blame me for this. This was your fault." Taylor said as she walked over to the door.