The music must be faced

Sophie: "Nope, nope! Fuck that noise, I'm an honest gawddamn citizen, I didn't mean to drown twenty neighbourhoods under girlspunk. Now I've just gotta think of a good explanation for all this..."

A crowd of emergency rensponders, police officers and baffled onlookers soon gather. As your newly-grown protrusion has rendered you immobile, there's no point in even trying to flee the scene. The few medics who have time to attend you are at a loss for words: nothing should be able to grow this quickly, or reach this size. Your veins are thick enough for a human to swim through.

You recount the day's events to any police-adjacent person who comes near. While they don't have any reason to believe your fantastical experiences, your current situation doesn't seem to follow from any logical course of events either. An odd-looking whitecoat who's been taking measurements and keenly listening to your exasperated attempts at rationalization, suddenly stands up and calls out the attention of everyone present.

Alan Coitus: "Ladies and gentlemen! I've reviewed the facts, and it see-"

Some cop: "Hey hollup, who the hell are you?"

Alan Coitus: "Quiet you! Dr. Alan Coitus, I have a doctorate in parabiology."

Standbyers exchange odd inquisitive looks, as if asking among themselves whether parabiology is an actual field of science. Dr. Coitus uses this chance to continue his lecturing.

Alan Coitus: "While the immense loss of life we've had to face today was a travesty of its own right, I fear we may have a much larger problem at our hands. Miss Sophie here appears to have a case of erectile hyperfunction, wherein the genitals swell and become impossibly overproductive at every onset of orgasm."

A fireman lifts his hand.

Alan Coitus: "Yes, you there, my good sir."

Fireman: "What could possibly cause something like this? Like, where does all that flesh and cum come from?"

Alan Coitus: "That's a good question. The answer is: fuck if I know. I only coined the term erectile hyperfunction on a fluke while on heroin a few years ago; I didn't think it'd ever actually come up. My best guess is that God is real and has a morbid sense of humor. Any other questions?"

Chief of Police: "Yeah. What are we gonna do if she 'unloads' again?"

Dr. Coitus adjusts his glasses nervously.

Alan Coitus: "Ah... We won't be doing much if that happens. At the current rate of progression, I predict that the next load of cum would cover the whole Earth, or at least most of the continental United States. It's a shame we can't re-orient her to face the Atlantic Ocean - that might mitigate some of the possible damage."

Chief of Police: "Well why can't we just kill her? Surely she can't blow a load while stone dead."

Sophie: "Hey, I'm right here you know! Look I'm upset about this too but that's kinda uncalled for."

Some rando: "Kill the witch!"

Sophie: "Whoa, whoa!"

Alan Coitus: "People! We must keep our ranks settled in times of crisis. Miss Sophie here is a victim like the rest of us. Besides, I've the perfect, humane solution for this predicament."

Coitus pulls out a large round bivalved steel ring with clamps from his doctor's bag and lifts it up for everyone to see.

Alan Coitus: "This right here is a hyper-constraining cock ring (patent pending). Placing this on Sophie's crotch should be more than enough to curb any orgasms that she might receive."

Dr. Coitus fastens the strange object onto the stub of your penis. An exceptionally tight fit, but a fit nonetheless.

Alan Coitus: "That should do it. How does that feel, Sophie?"

Sophie: "It's real damn tight."

Alan Coitus: "That's the intention. It constricts your seminal tract, obstructing the flow of semen."

Fireman: "Hey you're not just gonna leave it at that, are you? If that thing breaks assuming it even works, it could mean the end of the world!"

Alan Coitus: "Worry not. This is merely a precaution to mitigate complications during tomorrow's surgery."

Sophie: "Surgery? I wasn't asked about this?"

Alan Coitus: "Damn straight. However, in the name of public safety, this is a sacrifice you must make."

Chief of Police: "Well met. Now who wants coffee? We're gonna be holding out here for a while."

The day passes agonizingly slowly. At any given moment, cameras are pointed at your genitals. You have to watch emergency response teams pull out survivors from horrible, spunk-gunked wreckages in the looming shadow of your block-sized cock. People judge and stare at you, some even throwing hateful remarks from beyond the secure limit - you're sure someone even managed to spraypaint a naughty word onto your tip. At least Dr. Coitus got you a chair.

Night falls, and the response team has managed to set up a tent with a decent enough air freshening to ward off the dick waft. You're playing checkers against one of the cops, and losing hard. You overhear Dr. Coitus and the Chief of Police discuss elsewhere in the tent:

Chief of Police: "So one thing you never really elaborated on, what do we do after surgery? Like, with the meat?"

Alan Coitus: "What are you implying?"

Chief of Police: "I mean the cut off penis. You said that it weighs, what, a million pounds?"

Alan Coitus: "In excess."

Chief of Police: "Right. So... how do we dispose of it? Do we cut it up into chunks and have trucks take it to a landfill?"

Alan Coitus: "Likely. It's wildly against medical hygiene, by the way. Hopefully she doesn't carry circulatory pathogens. Even worse, I dread to think that we may have to move the damn thing in one piece."

Chief of Police: "In one piece? Get outta here. Why'd we ever do stupid shit like that?"

Dr. Coitus becomes slightly more evasive, and leans in to whisper at the chief.

Alan Coitus: "Well sir, (remember those tissue samples I took earlier today, that turned out 'inconclusive'?)"

Chief of Police: "Aha?"

Alan Coitus: "(I was never able to attain them. My sugical tools couldn't pierce the hide whatsoever - not even a chainsaw that I borrowed from our construction workers. I was able to take a blood sample from Miss Sophie, though, so we know that if worse comes to worse, we can always... eh, euthanize her.)"

Chief of Police: "So, you're not so averse to it now, are you?"

Alan Coitus: "Shush!"

You didn't quite catch what they were whispering about, but it seems like you might be in danger.