The mad space-pirate Arbuckle!

"Yo ho fiddle-dee-dee, do as you want cuz a pirate is free!" Arbuckle sang loudly as he piloted his dropship, The Scallywag, down through Earth's atmosphere.

Normally he wasn't welcome on earth and today was no exception. That's why high above, there was a bit of a light show going on. His mighty pirate ship was busy fending off three Eart Defense patrol ships while he took care of business down on the surface.

Meanwhile, down below... It was Katie's eighteenth birthday. The day had began with equal parts sheer terror and... no, just sheer terror. Who knew what kind of monster was buying her? And the worst part was, her father wouldn't tell her a damn thing! All he'd say was that he lived in the city, came from a good family, and was close enough for visits. But she trusted her father, so she tried to think positive and tell herself everything would turn out fine.

At the courthouse they had to sit in the stuffy waiting area, before an old officiary took them to a closed room. They stepped inside, and Katie looked around to see nothing more than an empty room.

"I don't understand, father. Where is he?" she asked.

"I-," he began, a look of sorrow and helplessness on his face. "There are some things I haven't told you... about your new husband."

"Yo ho fiddle-ee-dee, being a pirate is so fun to be!"

What? Who was that.

She looked at her father questioningly.

"Daughter... it was the only way to keep you safe. Any other man would have... well, you know what any other man would do. So, I made a deal with-."

"Me!" the stranger said, stepping into the room.

The officiary immediately backed into a corner, all of the color draining from his face, "Oh my lord! It's the mad pirate Arbuckle!"

"Great! You've heard of me," he said, slipping a burning cigar under his absolutely perfect mustache.

"Father!" she pleaded.

"Daughter, you must trust me!" he said in a voice more stern than she'd ever heard from him. "He's agreed to take you away from here and treat you to a far greater degree of freedom than any other suitor I could find."

"My lady," Arbuckle said, removing his three-corner hat and bowing in overly dramatic fashion. "Rules and laws mean very little to a man such as myself. But my word on the other hand means everything, and I've given it to your daddy. Now, if you don't mind, I'm in a wee bit of a hurry to get this show on the road."

And so, a very brief ceremony followed in which Arbuckle handed Katie's father a chit for the agreed upon payment and her father said his goodbyes... and the officiary remained in the corner terrified. Before she knew it, she was strapped into the seat of an armored dropship, heading for space. All the while, her new husband sang his pirate's tune.

"...Yar-har-fiddle-dee-dee..."