The fourth time…and the fifth

I mouth FOUR again.

Phoebe says, “Okay Monica. I saw your husband’s penis a fourth time. But this time wasn’t in person.”

“What do you mean?” Monica asks, acting naive.

“It was a picture. It was an outtake from our wedding photos. One of the shots had all the groomsmen naked with their back to the camera. I like a nice butt and I thought it was hilarious. It’s actually hanging in my personal bathroom right now. Since I was the bride and paid for the pictures, I got the entire ‘roll’ including the outtakes and the ones not used or edited. Every shot she took, even ones of the grass she used for lighting. Well one of the pictures very clearly had a naked and exposed Chandler in the background. He’s sort of far away but it’s straight full frontal nudity: his dick is just out there.”

Phoebe takes another sip, “So when I discovered this one night while sipping wine, I had to let him know my discovering. I texted him that I had a picture of his penis.”

“Do you still have it?” Monica asks.

“Yeah. Of course. It’s part of a thousand pictures that I have saved on a hard drive but never look at,” Phoebe shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. Nothing sexual. Just funny that Chandler was caught in the background of a test picture.”

Rachel hits Ross’s arm, “You never told me you posed naked for their wedding pictures.”

“I didn’t think you wanted to know. It was funny at the time. All of us standing bare ass in front of a camera. But it’s sorta weird that she hung it in her bathroom,” Ross says trying to deflect the blame to Phoebe.

“Those are the only four times you saw my husband’s penis,” Monica asks.

I nod discreetly. That’s all I told my wife about. Do NOT say anything else.

Phoebe pours herself a little more bourbon in her glass. I think she whispers “Fuck it” before gulping down the ****.

She stares down my wife, “I said I’d be an open book, and I am. I’ve seen your husband’s penis exactly one more time.”

I shake my head. What the fuck is she doing!? No, no, no. She nailed the four I told my wife about perfectly. Why is she bringing up the most comprising incident!? Is she purposefully trying to ruin our marriages?