The Naming of Things

(originally Posted by Catfish)

"All right, the fan I've picked is John Malloy, a college freshman in Chicago," said Jason. "I'm not sure he would call himself a fan of mine, but he has tapped his toes hearing some of my songs on the radio, and that's all that really matters. To make things more interesting -- since I think people's wishes may have changed since I started my reign -- let me pick a wish he made at a party earlier this evening."

Jason looked up, and everyone heard a male voice saying, "Wow, she's hot. I wish I knew her name."

The brief recording ended, and Jason said, "If I didn't consider John a fan, I might be nice and give him exactly what he wished for -- or I might make it so he knows it because he has the same name, or have him swap bodies with her. Lots of options. But I'll go above and beyond for my fans whenever I'm able. From now on, he'll know every girl's name."

All females in the world suddenly felt an object form around their necks. Some would refer to it as a choker, and some would call it a collar, but either way, it was a strip of some not-quite-identifiable black fabric, with raised silver letters along the front spelling out their names. It was quickly discovered that these were permanently attached, the strip magically appearing around the necks of baby girls the instant the umbilical cord was cut, the name letters appearing the moment the birth certificate was signed -- of course, they would grow with the person as necessary.

Jason, though, only had one demonstration. "I would highly suggest not covering up your new accessory. Let me have two of my favorite reporters come up here -- you and you."

He pointed to Kira, who dutifully got up from her seat and stood at Jason's left. Another of the reporters who'd given him a blowjob -- Jessica, it said on her neck -- stood at Jason's right.

Jason pulled two winter scarves from behind his back, out of nowhere, and handed one to each woman. They both gave him a slight side-eye, but he just nodded, and suddenly their only thought was of wrapping a scarf around their necks.

Two seconds after they'd gotten them on, Jason said, "Okay, take 'em off."

They did, as fast as they could. Jason said, "First one is sort of a freebie. Might make a nickname permanent. Looks like that's what happened here." He gave a bit of a nod toward the naked brunette at his right, and Kira could see that her collar now read "JESS."

"Guess Kira doesn't have a nickname," said Jason. "Back on, please, ladies."

They once again put the scarves on, but after another nod from Jason, they came right back off.

"Now we get a little more familiar," Jason said. Kyrie looked at her counterpart and saw "JESSI" on her neck. "Once more, ladies."

On went the scarves, off went the scarves.

"Now we get some new names," Jason said. Krystal looked over and felt pity for "BAMBI" -- imagine being a reporter with the name of a stripper.

Jason nodded yet again, and the scarves went on and off again.

"This is the last time the names will change," Jason said. "Try the scarves again."

Both reporters put the scarves around their necks, only to find them almost instantly evaporating into thin air.

"Don't worry, I've given all females a much higher tolerance for cold weather, so you can --" Jason interrupted himself to say, "Okay, Fucktoy, Cumslut, you can sit down now."

The reporters went back to sit in the front row, not noticing anything unusual about their names -- they wouldn't until the next morning. The rest of the population of the room was feeling afraid to even put their hands anywhere near their necks.