The MEAN Machine

The MEAN Machine

I looked down with pride at my latest invention – the Mental Electrical Abilities Nultiplier … okay, so that doesn’t totally work as a label but it was the best I could come up with for the moment. Anyway, the device looked a little like one of those rubber bathing caps that girls would wear to the school swimming lessons … apart from this was a little thicker, made of metal and had a shiny, golden hue to it. The theory of the MEAN machine was simple … when I had it on my head, all I had to do was to think of an inanimate object and it would be created before me in a solid and real form … a form that I could then control with the power of my mind! The theory was simple … but the practical development had been a torturous project … though now it was done! Time for the first test…

Putting the helmet on, I powered it up, smiling as I realised that this was the first step along the road to World Domination! I switched the device to full … there was a tingling sensation deep inside my brain … something was happening! Closing my eyes, I concentrated hard, imagining a claw hammer … the machine hummed, the tickling sensation magnified … then ceased. I opened my eyes … success! There, floating in front of me, was a claw hammer! Suddenly it flickered and became slightly transparent … quickly I thought harder and it stabilised again. Good! I just had to remember to concentrate all the time! Of course, there were two problems with my mentally created hammer … it was only hammer sized and I’d wanted something a little bigger … like, say ten foot long. And the other problem? For some god-forsaken reason it was pink! Bright, electric, Barbie pink!!! That wasn’t going to enhance my reputation amongst the League of Evil GeniuS … or LEGS for short…

Squeezing my hands together, I concentrated harder … slowly the hammer grew but the colour remained the same! Eventually the object reached the required size … presumably, I thought, with practice I could create what I wanted in the right size much faster … and more complex objects than just a simple tool. But now I needed to give it a test … moving the hammer though the air, I took aim on at an old table … then smashed the hammer down! Total success! Instant matchwood! I laughed loudly and evilly as I allowed the hammer to vanish … soon the world would grovel at my feet!

Moving to the window, I looked down onto the street … a female cop was stood on the other side of the road hassling one of the streetwalkers … she’d do for the next test. I thought hard and, almost instantly, the giant hammer appeared in the air above the policewoman … the hooker looked up and gasped in amazement … I brought the hammer down … the cop had time for one short, shrill scream before she was turned into a blob of raspberry jam on the pavement. Okay, so it wasn’t much but one authority figure had been terminated. The first small step towards the overthrow of the government! The hammer vanished … the hooker turned and threw up … I stepped away from the window well pleased. Okay, Mister CSI … let’s see you solve that one!