Talking.

I feel guilty, I feel empty, I feel scared. How do I undo what happened? I don't know, that's why I'm scared. OK so is that the only reason I'm scared? No, I'm scared because I know how it happened, I knew it could happen and I encouraged it, 'If you can keep up' was all it took, I knew that then and I know that now, I knew when he appeared out of the morning dark in his Speedo's, all tall blonde and sexy, and now? Not so sexy now though is it. Count yourself lucky, stay away from temptation and do anything that 'he' wants, without complaint, without question and with total conviction, for the rest of your holiday, you know the holiday you've all but ruined. Oh and thank your lucky stars he doesn't know. But....

He mused what exactly set his wife off this morning, maybe after yesterday's debacle after the drinking spree may have put her in a guilty spin. Well whatever he hoped they'd both shake it off and both get out of their funk, there's still the best part of a week of fun left. She wanted to just have a little chat when she came out of the bathroom so he was waiting for her now, She had begged off coming down with him to the pool area choosing instead to pick a book off of her notebook to read and maybe nap, she didn't even want to try one of the myriad of little Cantina's in the town for a light lunch.

I wasn't looking forward to Our talk, I hoped he would understand but expected it to not go that way, my only real hope was he would forgive me, that more than anything else. Be brave now girl and put a smile on your face.

“Honey, I have something to tell you that I don't know you are going to like........”

He knew he reacted badly but if she thought it would go any other way, she was wrong. He ended up yelling at her that she had just ruined what was becoming a memorable event in their lives. He congratulated her she had accomplished that without a doubt, for all the wrong reasons, or did she see them as being the right reasons. He decided to disappear and cool off. She took that badly as well, “Wait honey where are you going. Please stay we need to work this out.”

“WORK WHAT OUT! You FUCKED it all up, You fix it, Oh wait, too hard now, You've burnt the picture into my retina, how you gonna fix that hah?”

Devastated I hung my head in shame, I now know that feeling and I see what they mean by it, in a whisper I hoped he could hear, “Please Honey, please don't leave me.”

So instead of doing something together he found himself wandering into the pool bar again, the two young couple were manning the bar even though it had just past lunch time they seemed to always be here working away, guess they like their job, he took a seat and ordered an Orange Juice for no other reason than he guessed he needed something in his hand. It sucked really he was looking forward to doing something with his Wife. He'd thought about asking her to go swimming with him later on, she had expressed some interest in swimming out to the reef, maybe that suggestion wouldn't go amiss. Of course that weren't going to happen now, what the fuck she'd already done that with John bloody Riley.

The young Canadian Girl walked up to the bar, she looked like she wanted to say something, so not wanting to scare her away he politely smiled and waited to see if she would start talking, “Um Hi, I just wanted to ask you, if you don't mind, I was wondering how your wife is this afternoon?”

He thought she meant after their drunken night so he started, “Oh yeah, a lot better today thanks, she slept most of yesterday away though. But she's up and about today, not quite her full self,” he decided a lie wasn't out of order besides talking about it was not helping he hoped it would be enough for her to leave him alone, “but I'm hoping we can go swimming this afternoon, that'll get her out of her funk.”

“Oh great, oh wait we have her flip-flops from this morning when she went swimming. One of the other guest's found them down at the beach and handed them in.”

“Oh, ok, right, this morning? My wife, are you sure?”

“Yes, yeah it was her all right, my partner and I do laps in the early morning and she came through when we were in the pool, oh here they are. They're her flip-flops are they?”

“Oh, yes they are, um where were they?”

“I think down at the public beach, John said she had run off and left them behind, after they'd swum out to the reef.”

She noticed my look immediately, and thought she'd let the cat out of the bag she hadn't but I was wondering what else may come out.

“Oh ...sh..have I said ...oh shit. I thought. Oh, look I'm sorry I shouldn't have..”

“You're all right, okay don't sweat it, it's fine okay, just keep it to yourself and it'll be all fine and dandy, okay?"

She nodded, it wasn't all right and she knew it, she looked like she was about to vomit, he knew she didn't want to be there, she was focussed on a spot on the cash register or the bench below the beer taps or some damn thing that stopped her having to look at him! Finally she said so quietly he barely heard her “Excuse me.”

She turned and all but ran out of there.

I hadn't realised but her partner had been standing off to one side and I was guessing he was in earshot he was looking just a tad embarrassed with what had passed between myself and his partner. He came up so he could talk so not to be heard by others, “Sir, look if I could offer some friendly advice, and I'm seriously hoping this comes as a pre-warning, I certainly hope it is. Sir, this man, our guest, John Riley and his friend Chuck Miller, I know for a fact that they make a play for married women. Some of the staff who have been here more than one season, potted them and said they're regulars here and they're players only for the married ones. Please make sure your wife stays away if you can. It's why I swim with my partner in the morning's, she doesn't even realise and I've told her what they're doing but I got put in my place good and proper, well I suspect after this morning when we both saw your wife looking distressed after her swim and after her little talk with you now that she may well have changed her tune. He was here this morning and as soon as your wife walked past he was off like a jack rabbit. In hindsight I should of gone to see that she was alright but I can assure you of this, She wasn't down there long with him, she was soaking wet when she got back, it's a good swim out and back so she must have set a good time plus she would have had to run to get back here in the fifteen or so minutes she was down there, I know that swim, it isn't easy there's a reasonable current with the tide going out at six. Anyway I'm routing for you guys, I know he may have tried something, but I don't think he succeeded.”

“Thanks. Thanks for your warning and I will take it seriously, I didn't like the man when he first introduced himself and now I know, well I'll be keeping an eye out for sure, thanks.”

“No Sir you're welcome.”

He wandered over the other side of the bar to replenish a couple of swimmers drinks. I was looking at nothing in particular when I noticed a piece of paper sticking out between the toe strap hole of my wifes flip-flops, nicely folded it wouldn't have attracted attention since he had given them to the bar staff one on top of the other in the plastic bag. I pulled the note out unwrapped and read: Sorry about this morning, still the nicest FEELING to happen to me this holiday. So far. Call me. John. The fucker had left his cell number.

I promptly threw the bag in the garbage and asked my friendly barman if he had any Sellotape, with a “We've got EVERYTHING here.” He smiled as he passed it over I responded in kind, the guy was just a real nice guy, I stuck the note to the flip-flops so she could see that there was no way I couldn't have seen it.

I couldn't get that stupid stupid act of mine out of my head, how dumb can you be, GOD, I never fail to surprise myself sometimes, dumb, just dumb. I'd just sat here since he'd left, not knowing what I was going to do or what he was going to do. My husband walked in, he was smiling as he walked over to me, he had something behind his back and he pulled out my flip- flops and put them on the end of our bed. I gulped and the reality hit me as to where I'd left them, OH NO! I'd forgotten them in my haste to leave the beach. he put his phone on the bedside cabinet and walked to the door, still smiling he said, “I thought we could of swum out to the reef you've been talking about, but since you've already been with John Riley and it was such a good FEELING, I guess I've got nothing to offer you. I'm going out, don't bother to wait up, I'm sure somebody will look after you, oh and the pool bar-staff hope you're all right.”

The door slammed and I was left contemplating the fact that I had just ruined the absolute best thing in my life. I looked at my forlorn flip-flops he'd dropped, what was attached to that one?