Talk about how Joey is the worst

“Why the hell are you guys even friends with him? He was such a tool in high school and hasn’t gotten any better,” Rachel says.

“He was Ross’s best friend. They always lived together so whenever I hung out with Ross I had to hang out with Joey. I guess I got desensitized to his personality. He could be fun sometimes,” I say. “Except when you brought a pretty girl around and he did everything to cock block you.”

“Seriously,” Ross said. “I never brought girls to the house. He would creep them the fuck out.”

“He hit on me soooo much,” Monica says. “Every time I rejected him, he just tried harder. He would send me unsolicited dick pics.”

“Eww,” Rachel says.

Oh fuck. I didn’t know my wife was being that harassed by my friend. Shit. I should’ve been paying attention more. He deserved way more than a single punch from me.

“I blocked his number like nine years ago because of it,” Monica says. “I got PTSD seeing him pull down his pants tonight. The memories of his constant texting came flooding back.”

“When was this?” I asked.

“Back when we first met. I met him at the baseball game. Afterwards he texted me constantly trying to take me out of a “date”. He was so jealous when I went out with you. It drove him crazy. He became a psychotic ex when he had only met once.” Monica tries to shake the memory off her.

I didn’t know it was this bad.

Rachel adds, “When we first met, I don’t think he looked at my face once. His eyes were glued to my chest. And that wasn’t even the creepiest thing he did!” She laughs at how ridiculous the memory is. “At some point in the conversation he coughed ‘Nine inches’. I said, ‘What?’ He said, ‘It’s nine inches in case you were wondering.’ I wasn’t wondering. After that I told Ross I didn’t want to hang out with his creepy friend.”

“Dude discovered how big is dick was in high school, and failed to develop a personality,” Monica says. “I hope Phoebe dumps his ass. She’s too good for him, plus she’s nice for sharing her toys.” She winks at me. The butt plug was very nice.

Rachel says, “Speaking of toys, that butt plug made me strangely curious. How does it feel?”

“Amazing,” my wife says. “With the butt plug and Chandler’s dick, I felt sooo full. It was incredible.”

“Ooo feeling full sounds so nice,” Rachel says.

“I don’t make you feel full” Ross asks.

“Oh hunny. I’m not trying to insult you. I love our sex. It’s just that you two have very different equipment,” Rachel says. She’s curious about how my cock would feel inside her.

“Have you ever tried a thicker dildo?” Monica asks.

Rachel’s face brightens red, “No. I don’t have any sex toys.”

“Oh girl! Now I want to get Phoebe back out here, so we can hook you up,” Monica says.

Ross speaks up again, “Are you actually curious how different Chandler’s dick will feel inside you compared to mine?”

Rachel can’t believe she got into this situation. Now she has to choose whether to lie or tell the truth.