Swords and Sheaths

Bryan blinked. One moment he was looking at the old tv screen, expecting a loading screen and some cringey porn humor, the next he was looking at a scenic forest path through two tiny slits. His proportions felt... weird. What am I wearing? He staggered back, looking down at himself. He was clad in robust looking plate armor which shone like a mirror even in the watery sunlight filtering through the clouds. It felt heavy but for some reason it didn't feel like it was weighing him down as much as it should. Like he'd gotten stronger or something. He reached up to feel his head, which was indeed wearing a crusader's plate helm. He tried to soothe the creeping claustrophobia that reared its ugly head.

"Whaaaa-?"

He jumped at the voice behind him, clanking in his armor and drawing the attention of the other three people on the path. The man was easily the largest human he'd ever seen in person: towering and muscled like a hairy Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime and dressed to match. He wore only a kilt/loincloth that looked like it was made from a large animal pelt and a leather strap across his back that held a sword so huge its hilt would have reached his sisters chin if it was stood on end.

After the initial shock of the giant, the women were what immediately drew his attention. One was dark haired, ivory skinned, and appeared to be dressed in goth stripper gear, if he had to hazard a guess. Like the man, she was mostly exposed and he had to wonder how she wasn't cold in the chilly forest air.

The second woman had flowing blonde locks of hair that fell behind her like a curtain, seeming to stop just above the edge of her red dress. Her face actually kind of reminded him of his sister but older and more refined. Compared to the other two she was dressed downright prudishly and the only thing that was unusual about her dress was the gleaming talisman wrapped around her neck. It appeared to be a wooden ring encircling... something. But that something appeared to change, even as Bryan looked on: first a sharp edged crystal, then a bone white rodent skull. The last form he could make out before his attention was drawn elsewhere was that of a luminously white feather, fluttering in the soft breeze.

Both women were astoundingly gorgeous, their presence affirming in his mind that he must surely be dreaming... but he doubted whether he could actually get all the details right for such perfect features. He'd always had a pretty good idea of when he was dreaming and when he was awake: this felt pretty awake.

Both girls looked about as shocked as he felt, gawking at the giant just as he had before giving him an odd look. The blonde wrinkled her face as she looked at the brunette, who looked offended until she realized what she was wearing, "My God what am I wearing?! What happened to my th-kin?! Why am I talking like thi-th...?" The pale woman looked pretty certain she was in a dream as well as the other three eyed her up. The blonde looked down worriedly and visibly sighed in relief, turning to Bryan, "Who the hell are you and what is going on?"

"Um... well..." His voice sounded tinny and echoey inside the helmet, "My name is Bryan Boe-"

"Ha, right. You're not my brother."

"...yeah you're right I'm not. Like I was saying, my name is Bry-"

"Listen here asshole-" She stepped up to him and he reflexively winced, stepping back. She smirked, "Though I admit you do act like my brother." Some offense taken but whatever.

"My name is Wanda Boe and you're a lier. So you, big guy! What's you're name?"

Throughout all of this the musclebound giant had worn a stonefaced expression and examined his bulging muscles. The blonde swallowed as he looked down at her, "I am... Conrad." His voice was deep and resonant but his speech seemed stunted with a heavy accent. He seemed to struggle to find words, "But this... body not... mine. Think it is Caidog Whersmibeer."

The gears in Bryan's head shifted into overdrive as he heard the giants words and he realized what felt wrong about his body: he was bigger than he should be. Not just taller, his arms and legs filled out the thick armor he was entrapped in with muscle, "Conrad?" The giant nodded, face still set in an intimidating frown, "Holy shit... then that means I'm Galden Uren. And you... you're actually Wanda-" She gave him a 'no shit' glare, "but you're in Ivana Shackledem's body. So that means that you must be Nubia."

The pale brunette nodded vigorously, still looking freaked out by her clothing, or lack thereof. She swallowed and blinked hard, seemingly trying to blink away how pale she now was, "B-bryan? What happened to u-th?"

"I think we've been... sucked into the game... somehow? This is... this is a lot to take in all at once..." Bryan felt himself on the verge of hyperventilating... except it never happened. His breathing was hard but he wasn't having a panic attack, even though he'd had so many others for so much less.

Wanda looked at them all like they'd grown a third arm, "Would someone please explain what's going on in a way that makes sense to sane people?"

Probably around an hour later, Bryan felt like he'd finally nailed in the message to Wanda. He didn't think she believed him but at least she understood what he was telling her. Nubia was having a rough time with her new body (and lisp) and Conrad still hadn't moved a muscle in his face, so Bryan felt like it might be a good time for a little group therapy.

"Alright guys, I know none of us have probably done this since like, kindergarten, but I think it would be good to have a quick once around to touch base with how everyone is feeling. Wanda since you're the most normal, for you anyway, why don't you start?"

The long haired blonde glared at him but straightened her dress primly and cleared her throat, "Alright. I feel like I'm having the craziest dream ever and that my brother is an asshole." She raised her eyebrows at him and he gave her a **** 'go on' motion.

"I'm kind of freaked out by how long my hair is even though its gorgeous and I..." She shifted uncomfortably, trailing off.

"And...?"

"Nothing. I'm done. You go." She pointed at Nubia, who she still didn't seem to believe was her friend.

Nubia glanced at Bryan anxiously, who clanked loudly as he tried to scratch his head, "...um... would you be ok with sharing Nubia?" She took a deep breath and nodded, "I... I miss my body. I really liked it. This feels kind of invasive." She looked a little surprised and stopped.

"Something wrong Nubia?"

"Not really... I guess. I just don't have an accent, which is definitely weirding me out and I miss that too, but I'm also not having any trouble speaking english, other than the lisp but I can kind of suppre-th that. Fuck. What I'm saying is that I feel abnormally loquacious." Bryan and Conrad exchanged a look and clapped enthusiastically. She grinned, "Ok this is actually kind of fun. I'm feeling... grandiloquent. My verbiage is ascending to untold pinnacles of ponderous vocabulary."

"Woo Nubia!" Bryan grinned, clapping excitedly while Conrad grunted in approval.

"See that's how I know it's not really Nubia." Bryan sighed as Wanda spoke up, the mirth vanishing from the situation. Nubia scowled at her, hand on hip, "Oh really? And what, pray tell, ith that?"

Wanda tried to exchange an incredulous look with either of the boys: Bryan's face was completely covered and Conrad's eyebrow only twitched menacingly, just like every other one of his facial expressions. "Nubia spoke broken english at best, she never could have lost her accent and learned all those words in however long I was out for. Not to mention you're a pale white girl and Nubia's a tan Latina."

Nubia visibly ground her teeth, "For the last time Wanda," She pointed at her chest, "I'm not Latina, I'm ethnically African and I'm from Brazil. You can't just throw people together into groups because they share appearances. Also: you've brought me to every party and introduced me that way to drunk college boys who then tried to hit on me, so thanks for that, and I know exactly what you were about to say when you got embarrassed and stopped. Your boobs are bigger, your waist is thinner, and your legs are longer. I know, because that's the exact thing I've been feeling but I don't get the option to hide it. But basically what I'm saying Wanda, is FUCK YOU."

Silence dominated the path as Wanda stared open mouthed at Nubia, who radiated anger from every pore on her body without a single hair falling out of place. She wasn't shaking, wasn't breathing hard, wasn't even flushed but her mouth was slightly open and the combination of her entirely blackened eyes and lengthened fangs got the point across.

"I'm... Conrad." The giant spoke up, trying and failing to defuse the situation. He continued anyway, face set in that perpetual scowl, "Can't move face... but muscles big so not all bad. Miss glasses because they normal. Don't miss glasses because they..." He paused, scowl deepening.

"They're annoying?" Bryan finished tentatively. His best friend in a barbarians body grunted affirmatively. It wasn't exactly elegant but Bryan was proud of his friend for trying. It even seemed to work somewhat: Wanda was still sitting on her rock and Nubia leaned against a tree, both had their arms crossed and refused to look at the other.

"Cool. Guess that leaves me. Uh... well, I guess you're all feeling that weird alien feeling of being in a different body. Same. Kind of wish I knew how to take my helmet off, not gonna lie." Nubia smiled and Wanda snorted. He grinned behind the helmet, taking the encouragement where he could get it, "I guess what bugs me the most is-"

"Tried taking off?" Conrad interrupted.

"What?"

"Have you tried taking the helmet off." Wanda translated unnecessarily, earning a glare from Nubia.

Bryan coughed, "Um... well. I guess that's a good point." He reached around his neck, trying to find a clasp or something, clanging and scraping metal making the others wince. Nothing, it was stuck fast. To demonstrate the point, he tried pulling straight up on the sides. To his surprise, it slid off effortlessly.

Whoosh. "Hey it worked!"

"Holy crap!" "Woooow!" "Huh."