Sit in the back and rest

“I must be coming down with something,” Xabar laments as he admits to himself that his need for rest outweighs his desire to try to get something going with the young ladies. He takes a seat directly behind them, lays his head against the window, and closes his eyes. He is asleep before the stagecoach begins its journey.

He is awakened some time later when the stagecoach makes its final turn onto the road leading to Rothschilde. He sits up, yawns, and attempts to get his bearings.

He has been to Rothschilde only a couple of times before. The last time was last year when he and Hager made a weekend road trip. The highlight of the weekend centered around their misadventures in attempting to break into St. Althea’s Academy. The main reason they came to Rothschilde, however, was to check out the selection of magical supplies that were available through the town’s thriving black market.

The use of magic and possession of magical artifacts by anyone other than licensed professionals was strictly prohibited, but that didn’t keep enterprising entrepreneurs from profiting by selling goods to those who were willing to pay. Rothschilde had earned a reputation as the place to go for such items, and it attracted the worst kind of scum and lowlifes. It also beckoned to Xabar and Hager.

As Xabar looked at the approaching town through the stagecoach window, he thought back to that day almost a year ago. In typical Hager fashion, he was the voice of pessimism and caution and was opposed to the whole trip. It was only Xabar’s promise of helping him find a talisman that would make MaryEllen Winklefricker more likely to agree to be Hager’s date to the Apple Blossom Dance that persuaded his friend to come along. Even the possibility of being able to hook up with MaryEllen couldn’t strip Hager of all his hesitation however.

“I’m not so sure about this, Xabar,” he remembered Hager saying to him in that back alley. “This place is creepy, and it smells like someone pissed on a pile of week-old dirty gym clothes. And call me a coward if you want, but I’m suspicious of the credentials of anyone who claims to be able to control highly-complex magic, yet he lives in a tent made out of stitched-together underpants.”

“Will you relax, Hager? This is just more of your paranoia. Remember how you thought you had semen in your mushroom soup?”

“I saw the waiter jacking off into it, Xabar! And he did that because he found out you were the one who was sending dirty messages to his sister.”

“And remember how I found that doctor for you when you were sick, and you insulted him by demanding to see his credentials?”

“He was a horse doctor, Xabar. And I didn’t need to see his credentials to know that. You should have guessed it, too, when he threw a blanket over me and tried to rub me down after diagnosing me with hoof and mouth disease.”

Xabar placed a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You see? You always jump to conclusions. Now listen. You may see a creepy homeless guy who scams tourists by selling them crap. I, however, see an admittedly-eccentric practitioner of exotic arts who likes to commune with nature. Let’s take a look at what he’s selling. If I’m not convinced, we’ll walk away.”

“OK,” said Hager, reluctantly. “Just be real careful. The first thing they taught us in school is that magic has consequences, and if you get it wrong, the consequences can be very severe.”

Xabar smiled at the memory of that night. True, the talisman they bought for Hager didn’t work quite as they had hoped. MaryEllen did agree to go to the dance with Hager. Unfortunately, the talisman also had the unfortunate side effect of giving Hager and MaryEllen uncontrollable projectile diarrhea that night. Since each of them spent the whole night out of their pants, Xabar reasoned that it wasn’t a complete disaster.

On a positive note, Xabar picked up a handy talisman that allowed him to pass his History of Magical Rivalries exam with only a modicum of blood in his stool.

The stagecoach pulls to a stop in the middle of Rothschilde. As Xabar steps onto the street, he can see St. Althea’s Academy off to his right. To his left, he can just make out the turn to the alley where he and Hager bought their illicit magical goods.