Shoot the Guns From the Hands of the Bandits in Front

Texas would be a fool not to go for the crooks who she found herself closest to, the five remaining vagrants who might yet still regain their senses and turn the sheriff into swiss cheese. With the grace and dexterity of a dancer, Texas hit the floor with her shoulder and turned the landing into a flawless combat role that brought her onto one knee, with her revolver held out in front and one eye on the closest criminal.

A rhino with a horn as dull as her wits gave a cry of alarm as Texas’ revolver roared out a battlecry, launching a bullet that caught the barrel of her rifle. An enormous buffalo built like a wardrobe was next, grunting out a groan of despair as her weapon was stripped from her grip. Then Texas shot at a brown-furred grizzly bear decked out in cheap and torn cowboy gear, though minus the weapon as it fell from her hands. The next bullet struck true and took the revolver from the hand of coyote who hadn’t been concentrating too closely. Finally, right before the final outlaw could get her crocodile wits about her, Texas let loose her final shot and relieved her of her final weapon.

Yet, before she could take the opportunity to marvel at her own spectacular feat, there came a roar like the devil himself let out of hell and a hail of buckshot ripped through the air above Texas’ head. Her treasured hat was launched into the air, though there was nothing hat-like about it anymore. It was just a ragged lump of fabric.

“Idiots! All of you!” Jesse bellowed with a righteous fury. Spit rained from between her pudgy lips as she swung her smoking shotgun in Texas’ direction. “Six of you, and not one of you could hold onto your damn gun long enough to get rid of this pest?”

Jane shared her sister’s outrage, her face surely red behind that wiry stretch of greasy brown fur. “We might as well have left the lot of you behind! You been more trouble than you’re worth from the start.”

The group of bandits looked taken aback by the telling off they were getting from their boss, here in the workplace and right in front of the weasel that had humiliated them all so efficiently. Texas was still paralysed from the fright of having a shotgun unloaded so close to her face and was too slow to recover before Jane stomped forward and grabbed the weasel by the neck with one fat, grimy paw.

“Just so y’all know, those spoils y’all were promised? The one’s we’re taking from this here bank. Well, we’re still takin’ them but I sure as hell ain’t splitting the loot with you six dumbasses.”

She squeezed at Texas’ throat so hard that the sheriff’s head expanded and turned a violent shade of purple. Jane hoisted Texas from the ground as effortlessly as if she was a doll made of straw and swivelled the sheriff round to look into the faces of the six bandits she’d just defeated.

“But it ain’t all bad. To help you reflect on your failures, howsabout a lil second place prize? She’s all yours, girls.”

Jane tossed the sheriff into the cluster of bandits and turned her attention to the loot that her sister was already helping herself to, not even interested in what came next for the hapless sheriff.