Sam Dean (DC Universe)

"Marry, Fuck, Kill."

"Alright shoot."

"Okay okay... Marry..." Andrew blinked. "Wait, hold up, that's not how this works, I'm supposed to ask you!"

"Ohhhh, yeah you're right..." Carl admitted with a shake of his curly red hair. "Then I would marry Scarlett Johanson, And~"

"They have to be superheroes."

"Yeah, Carl!" Harold spoke up with a lisp. "You can't just pick anyone hot."

"HEY! Scarlett plays a superhero, so it counts!" Carl was quick on the trigger finger to defend himself.

"A real fucking superhero! Fucking jeez..."

Carl rolled his eyes, "Fine... I'd marry Miss Martian, fuck Zatanna, and kill Aquaman."

"Hmmm..." Harold leaned in, pretending to be interested, but his real intention was to add in his own two sense. "I would marry Vixen, then fuck Vixen, and kill Aquaman."

"What!?" Exclaimed Andrew, "You can't marry and fuck Vixen."

Harold snorted, "Uh-huh, I can! She's my wife. I can fuck her as much as I want."

"That's not how marriage works!" Carl came off as offended. "Marriage consists of trust and love developed over years between partners. Sure, that includes sex, but it isn't the main thing! I'd marry Miss Martian because she would be awesome to have around, and she can transform into anyone so the sex would be wild!"

"No, you're objectively wrong." Harold shot back. "If your wife was also your fuckbuddy then~"

"OH MY GOD!" I shot my head up from the table where I had been trying to rest. And made my annoyance very known. "You wanna know what I'd do? I'd marry Aquaman, fuck Aquaman, and kill Superman. In that order."

"Eww..." All three of the nerds echoed the same response in unison. Honestly, it came off as a bit unsettling. As if they were all one dirty formation of some perverted hivemind nerd.

Having heard enough of the three lonely weirdos, I stood up from my seat and turned to leave.

"Hold on Sam, we haven't dispanded yet," Andrew said.

I paused and sighed.

The only reason I had signed up with this pathetic group was so I could get my mother off my back. She had been continuously pushing for me to join a school group, believing that I had no friends or some shit.

That's far from the truth. In actuality, I just don't have any retarded friends that spend their time talking about superheroes twenty-four seven.

It's not even the superhero talk that pisses me off. If they did more of that, I'd be fine. It has more to do that they're all open perverts.

And look, I'm a male, I have desires and do find the female figure attractive. It also happens that most of the female superheroines are pretty by nature.

But I don't go around, sharing my lust for supers to every and anyone who asks. It's just not socially acceptable and would send one down the latter that these three are unable to get out of. They're social outcasts; no one wants to join this group because they know if they do, they'll be bonded for life.

I wasn't made aware of this before choosing to join the group. Out of the other clubs on the table, The Superhero Club sounded the most interesting. But once I realized it was just these three dudes discussing which heroine has the most eatable ass. I knew it was too late.

"Okay enough of this, Marry, Fuck, Kill shit..." Andrew waved me back and changed the subject. "Let's look at the latest hero footage that made the news."

He opened up his laptop and tapped something on the keyboard. The screen lit up and reflected off his glasses. Andrew turned it around so that the rest of the group could see.

"If you look here, you can see there was a live chase. Cheetah had attempted to escape the scene of a crime, but Wonder Woman was hot on her trail."

Andrew's words were correct.

Cheetah had a sack draped over her shoulder and was leaping over cars at an impressive speed. She ducked under and pushed through a group of pedestrians. Racing across the street, she leaped into the air and landed on a light post. From there, she had jumped onto the side of a building and began to scale it.

"As you can see," Andrew paused the video. "Cheetah could have attacked those people she passed. Maybe even killed them. But she didn't. Why?"

"It's the flight or fight effect?" Asked Carl.

"It's the fight or flight effect! Attacking those people could have helped to slow Wonder Woman down. But it also would have pissed her off, and make the inevitable punishment Cheetah would serve much worse."

He resumed the video, and in only a few seconds, Wonder Woman unhooked her golden lasso from her curvy star splattered waist. And flung a line that caught the quick villain by the leg as she attempted to climb up the building.

Wonder Woman pulled Cheetah back, and she ended up wincing as she crashed against the concrete floor, giving up the chase.

This shit is the type of stuff I expected from The Superhero Club. Some deep dives into how the heroes operate and a bunch of live videos of them in action.

The footage was recorded from a helicopter, so it gave off a bird's eye view. And Andrew paused it again.

I thought it was because the video was over, but then Andrew continued speaking.

"And right here, you can see gives a perfect look right down Wonder Woman's corset." He grinned. "Look at those massive MAMMERS!"

"Nice!" Harold licked his lips. "She shows her cleavage off often, but we don't get too many looks down her top."

"You can notice how big they are when her tits are larger than her head from this angle!" Carl gave his opinion.

I sighed.

Now look, I did love it. I could even feel my Lil Willy begin to shift in my pants. Honestly, I'd probably look up this live recording and masturbate to that footage later. Even without that awesome downblouse, her tits were really bouncing around as she attempted to apprehend the villain.

But I'm not going to get off here, with these nerds. For one, jacking off or watching something porn-related with other dudes feels wrong in every sense of the word. That shit should be enjoyed in private.

And that's what I'm gonna do, cause now I'm getting horny and I don't want these guys to notice.

Though, they probably wouldn't have noticed shit since they were all absorbed into that still image of Wonder Woman's tits.

Pigs...

I'm a pig too, cause I'm probably going to end up doing the same thing later. But I won't be seen jacking it in front of other people, that's for sure.

"Um... I think I hear my phone buzzing..." I pulled out my phone to pretend that someone was calling me. But that's when it hit me. I don't fucking care. "Actually, nevermind, I'm leaving."

Turning around, I left the room, none of the three guys offered me a sparing glance. They'd probably realize I was missing twenty minutes later and wonder what happened to me.

---

"I'm home!" I shut the front door and blurted out to any would-be listeners.

Though, really, the only one who was home to hear me would be~

"Oh, hey honey. I see your back early again." Mom's voice came from the kitchen. "Did you..."

"Ditch the group again? Yeah." I stepped into the tiled kitchen and spoke to my mother, who was in the process of washing dishes. We have a working dishwasher, but I guess she likes doing things by hand. Whatever works for her. "They're nerds, Mom..."

"Samuel," My mother shut off the faucet and grabbed a roll of paper towel as she turned to face me. "That isn't something I want to hear you say about your classmates."

Grinning, I defended myself with a verbal gab. "Hey! I never said being a nerd was a bad thing. Why would you assume that mother dear?"

Mom raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms together below her chest. Her generic purple top swelled up from the action of her breasts being raised and displayed some cleavage. "Well, if you have that sarcastic attitude, why don't you finish with your list of chores."

She pointed a finger towards the fridge, where a medium-sized whiteboard was attacked that said ''Chore List.''

Three names were listed on it, "Sam, Nichole, and Mom."

I sighed, and said "But~"

"Now." Mom interrupted me with a stern look.

The sheer power of her authority was too much for me to push through, so I relented with open waving arms. "Alright Mom... I'll get them done."

"Good," She smiled and walked out of the kitchen. As she passed by, she gave me a motherly kiss on the cheek. "I finished my duties, so everything left is up to you and your sister, don't ask me to change things around."

"Look," I wiped away the wet feeling she left on my cheek after her kiss. "Nichole and I are both eighteen, I'm telling you we don't need a stupid chore list anymore."

"And I'm telling you, I'll get rid of it once you two do your jobs without me having to remind you." She turned to leave, and my eyes trailed down to her butt. "Until then, you guys do what's written down."

I watched her go into the living room, or if we're more specific, I watched her ass go into the living room. My mother's pretty attractive. Dad's really missing out of playing with that ass. He should hurry up, he went to get milk nine years ago, and it's taking him a while to get back. I'm starting to think he got lost.

Whatever.

I really wasn't feeling whatever Mom wrote down this week for us to do. Whatever it was, it would be considered work. And I already have enough school shit to deal with.

A funny thought crossed my mind. Mom might find it chuckle-worthy. Mom's strict when she needs to be, but she loves her kids, and she isn't immune to good boiled humor.

Opening a cabinet drawer. I pulled out a marker. And after erasing two of the names at the top. I switched Mom's placing on the board with my own.

My name was over the chores that Mom had to do, and she claimed that they were all done with. Which technically means, I'm done with them too!

Mom isn't the type of parent to just delegate all of the brunt work to her kids. She usually assigns stuff reasonably well and gives herself some tasks to do too. But most of the time, she only has two or three things listed down while Nichole and I have four to five.

The chart looked wrong, but Mom might find my attempt to get out of work yet again admirable.

"Alright Mom! I finished my chores," I called out to the living room with a grin, and began to go back to my room.

Mom blinked. She didn't even have the chance to turn on the television yet. "Hold it. Young man," She sighed and got to her feet. "We both know that isn't true."

"No... No the board says my work is done." I held my breath.

Not finding my act funny, Mom moved past me to reenter the kitchen and see what I was on about. Clearly, I misunderstood her current mood. What I believed she would find funny she might actually see as annoying.

She seems like she might even give me more shit to do just because I tried to pull something idiotic.

Mom looked at the chore list, and I watched her eyes trail over the edit I made.

"Uhh Mom I was just jokin~"

"Oh... I see..." Mom blinked and stepped back. She frowned. "I didn't know I was doing your chores..."

"Uhhh..."

"Or that you owned the list! I'm so sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have written on it."

"Mom?"

"Are you happy with the way I listed things? If not, you can change it however you want."

"What?"