Restless Snurfs

The three of you walk together through the village. Before long you, Grumpy, and Handy are in your house. You push the table and your one chair to the side of the room. Lifting a loose floorboard you reach down into the hidey hole below and pull up the sealed shell of a huge acorn.

"Where'd you get that?" Grumpy asks.

"I stole it." You confess. They don't ask any more questions about it.

You place the floorboard back where it was. The three of you sit on the floor, legs spread out, facing each other.

"I think the old boy's losing it." Grumpy starts. "What was that all about? I almost had to lose my Skanky time thanks to the meeting."

"Not much of a loss." Handy quips. "But still, I hear you. It disrupted the whole village." He then blows his gut out and says in a mock Papa voice. "Well done!"

You laugh and Grumpy just shakes his head in exasperation.

"Hey, at least we got to see Snurfette." You say, finding the silver lining. They both nod in agreement.

You undo the tight twine, pull the wax off from around the edges, then carefully peel the top from the container. A wonderful sweet **** aroma fills the room. Holding it in both hands you hand it to Grumpy. He accepts it gratefully and takes a pull.

"Mmm." He smacks his lips as he passes is over to Handy. Handy excitedly takes a drink then hands it back to you. You take your first sip of the syrupy honey tasting liquid. It was just wonderful. In silence you continue to pass the booze between you. Each careful not to be gluttonous in your sips.

You were about halfway through and starting to feel a little buzz when you finally speak again.

"This isn't right guys." You say.

"What, the mead?" Hand looks down and peers into it looking for impurities.

"No. The village...everything." You reply, your voice low.

The other two look at each other nervously. They don't say anything.

You continue. "I mean...one woman? Ninety-nine men? It doesn't make any sense. Why can't we all have women?"

"It's just how we're made Randy. Who is to say why that is." Handy postulates. "I mean, why is a table shaped like a table?"

"Cause it stands best that way." You shoot right back. "It makes sense. We...we don't make sense."

Grumpy nods, he'd heard you talk like this before. "Yeah. It seems like we shoulda gotten more women. Or some of us shoulda BEEN women. Like half and half or something. Or at LEAST had more of us that looked like Vanity. Nature wouldn't do that too us, would it? I guess it did but...why? It shoulda been half and half, that's what I say, half and half!"

Handy takes a drink and passes it on. He nods, deep in thought. "A woman for every man. Seems to makes sense but...it's not how it is. What are ya going to do?"

Grumpy takes a big swig, passes it on and wipes his mouth. "We all like women...right? Like, we want to snurf them."

You and Handy both nod. Did you ever!

"And we're stuck banging Skanky? Randy is right. How does that make any sense?" Grumpy was getting animated. The **** loosening his inhibitions. "If our bodies want women looking snurfs...why do we only get Skanky!?"

"Had trouble getting it up again?" Handy teases.

"SHUT UP!" Grumpy yells.

"Shhhh, someone might hear." You warn him. "If you don't like Skanky you could hook up with someone permanently. Poet and Tailor are very happy together."

"Hook up with one of you lot?" He scoffs. "No thanks. I like my space."

You take your drink and pass it on. It was almost empty now and you were all feeling it. Leaning forward you whisper in a conspiratorial whisper. "I heard...I heard Gargamel created Snurfette. You think that's true?"

"That crazy old wizard?" Grumpy shakes his head. "No snurfin way."

"But...what if it is true?" You press. "Maybe he could make more."

Handy takes a hit then passes the dregs over to Grumpy who soon polishes off the mead. Handy reaches under his hat and scratches his head. "Did he make her from scratch?"

You shrug. "I dunno. She showed up soon after Jolly disappeared, remember?"

Grumpy raises a skeptical eyebrow. "You think...? Naahhhhhh!"

"Just sayin. Might not be a coincidence."

Handy shakes his head. "Gargamel's a human. Why would would he bother with snurfs? Nah, I'm with Grumpy. That's just nuts."

You lay back and stretch out. Staring up at the ceiling you put your hands in behind your head. You say in a dreamy voice. "You guys ever watch the humans? They have plenty of women. I love watching them."

Grumpy gets up and stretches out his back. "Ungh." He makes his way over to sit in your chair. "You and your human stories."

"They're great!" You insist. "Their women anyways. I wish I could...well...you know."

Both Grumpy and Handy are quiet a moment before they both burst out laughing. It was a rare day when you saw Grumpy laugh. "What would you do with a human woman Randy!?" Handy guffaws. "She'd crush you! Ha ha ha ha!"

You can't help but chuckle along. "But what a way to go!" The laughter escalates.

Handy pats your foot and stands. "You're a dreamer, I'll give you that."

The conversation moves on from there, but all you could think about was the mystery that plagued your dreams. One female, ninety-nine males. You just could not make sense of it. You eventually share a light meal of nuts and apple and spoke about how you wished you had more mead. It is well into evening when they ready to leave.

Handy claps you on the shoulder. "Hey, thanks for the drink and meal and good company but...I should get going."

Grumpy gets up from the chair and stretches his back once more. "Yeah, me too."

You say your goodbyes, see them to the door and watch them leave. You hear Handy chuckle to himself and say under his breath as he goes. "What a way to go. He he he." He shakes his head and continues down the path.

You turn the other direction and say to your neighbor. "See ya tomorrow."

"Sure, whatever." He grumbles.

You smile and head back inside. You close the door and a lonely silence fills the room. You didn't want to do anything else, and the **** had made you tired, so you climb the stairs to your one room second floor and crawl into bed. Staring up at the conical interior of the head of the mushroom you lay and think of all the things you'd talked about that night. Snurfette, Vanity, Gargamel creating or transforming snurfs, human women, and so much more. All these thoughts of females and femininity had given you a raging hard on, you were Randy after all. And Randy was randy. You begin to stroke even though your heart wasn't in it. Your mind was far too busy trying to come up with some impossible solution to the great mystery.

Something had to change. Something had to change! SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE!

As you lay there in the darkness jerking off you decide there and then that you would do something. Anything. Whatever it took. To change this unnatural status quo. Maybe just for yourself, maybe for the whole village. Either way, you were going to do something.

(To other writers, I thought this would be a good jumping off point for the various options Randy might explore. This chapter might make a good hub for a bunch of different paths.)