Rapid fire questions

Monica takes a sip, and starts asking questions.

“Do you know how many men you’ve been with?”

“No.”

“How many women have you been with?”

“A handful.”

“Why have you been with so many people?”

“Daddy issues.”

“Is that why you married, Joey? Because you wanted an asshole like your dad.”

“Maybe. I haven’t been to therapy to be psychoanalyzed. Are you going to ask any questions where I can answer with a fun story?”

“Not yet. Have you ever cheated?”

“Yes, but not on Joey.”

Monica takes a sip of her bourbon. She looks from me back to Phoebe. “Have you ever seen my husband’s penis?”

“I have not seen your husband’s penis.”

“Let me ask it a different way: have you ever seen Chandler’s penis.”

Phoebe’s eyes flash to me, wondering how much I told my wife about our interactions over the years. She answers, “I have,” then adds before my wife can follow up with her next question, “a few times. But it was before you were married and totally accidental.”

Rachel audibly gasps hearing Phoebe admit she’s seen my cock a few times. Thoughts of affair are probably galloping through her head. She clinches her own husband’s hand tight in case Phoebe might want to snatch him next.

Monica continues her questioning, “If it was totally accidental, please tell the whole group about these ‘few times’ then. I’ve never seen Joey or Ross’s penis. How have you seen my husband’s penis so many times?”

This was a set up to interrogate Phoebe. My wife has always been suspicious of how she interacts with me, especially how she always seems to have a hand in contact with my body when we talk. She has asked me about it, but I’ve told her that Phoebe is just a tease—we’ve never hooked.

I just hope Phoebe tells the same story, or we’ll be in a world of shit.