Of course not. This is probably the greatest scoop of all time!

The mermaid tilts her head to the side, the halo of long, black hair drifting through the water follows the movement slowly. Her tail, bright red with thin white stripes running down its length, swishes through the water to keep her upright, the large tail fin moving deftly, flexing open and closed to always provide the correct amount of leverage. At the hips, the scales of her tail give way to perfectly human skin, only two large slits running along the edge of her rib cage - her gills - looking out of the ordinary. And of course the webbing between her fingers. She's wearing a bikini top for modesty, although it looks a little dissheveled from her racing about.

"What's your name? And hers?" Minthe points at the camera - so either its not the same guy from last time behind it, or he has changed in more or less the same manner like Nancy. And considering the guy from last time also drank from Judy Cartwrights breasts... "You look kinda funny, by the way."

"Minthe, don't be rude." Doctor Sheehy admonishes the mermaid gently, although there's still a smile on her face as she does it. "She's probably the same as you, you know."

"Right. Sorreee~!" The toothy smile is back - and Minthe is definitely a carnivore. Her teeth are very similar to those found in a shark's mouth, sharp and triangular.

"Uh... alright." Nancy finally got back on her metaphoric feet and struts towards the tank, thrusting the mic towards the glass. Of course, with the speakers actually situated in the walls, this is more symbolic than anything. "Nice to meet you, Minthe! Nancy Cartwright, WCNN. That's my camera man Marvin Cook - yes, he's a guy, even though he has a rack like a playboy model."

"Heee, that's funny! Hi Marvin!" Minthe waves to the camera excitedly before turning back to Nancy. "I really like meeting new people. It gets sooo boring in here..."

"Sorry about that, Minthe," Doctor Sheehy interjects from the side where she's leaning against the tank. "We're trying to get some entertainment waterproofed for you, but it takes time. Electronics and water don't really mix."

"I knooow, but you could visit me more often!" Pouting childishly, Minthe makes puppy dog eyes towards Doctor Sheehy, who chuckles and crosses her arms.

"I try, believe me. But I'm really busy, too."

"Okay! Would you mind answering a few questions for our viewers, Minthe?" Trying to steer the conversation back to a proper interview, Nancy jumps back in.

"Nope! Not at all, this is the most interesting stuff that's happened since I arrived here!" After her energetic reply, Minthe beats her powerful tail once to do a backwards somersault through the water before she returns to where she was before. "Go ahead, shoot!"

"Thank you. First question, then: Where are you from?" Excitement is clear in Nancy's voice. Someone this exotic has to come from...

"Milwaukee!"

"What." ...A rather earthly place, it seems.

"Well, I was born in Naperville, but after I married, I moved to Milwaukee with my husband." Minthe turns her head to Doctor Sheehy again. "By the way, when can I finally see Josh? I miiiiss hiiiim!"

"I know, Minthe, I know. But we first have to make sure everything will be fine if you come into contact with humans, and Josh needs to be cleared by security, so..."

"Excuse me. How can she be married to a human from Milwaukee?!" Nancy sounds not amused. "She's a mermaid!"

"Not from birth." Doctor Mallaid Sheehy, dasher of hopes and dreams of little girls everywhere. "She - and all the specimen in our labs - show clear signs of tampering at the genetic level, and their systems are flooded with powerful agents that induce cellular excitement."

"Which means in layman's terms?"

"We're not looking at natural evolution here - Minthe and the rest of our specimen were made."

"By whom?"

"Some twisted mind must have thought them up. And then made them in a lab somewhere." Doctor Sheehy shrugs. "Although it's possible we're looking at a colossal breach of lab security and none of this was ever meant to happen."

"There you have it, dear viewers!" Nancy turns to the camera, practically glowing with excitement now. This is by far the scoopiest of all the scoops she ever scooped! "Industrial accident, nefarious scheme, or the fever dream of a lunatic with a basement full of beakers? WCNN will continue to investigate. But for now, a word from our sponsors."

A remarkably tone-deaf commercial break with plenty of ads for seafood restaurants plays.

"Aaand we are back! Welcome to Breaking News WCNN, I'm Nancy McArthur, reporting exclusively from the Teller Institute for Technology." Instead of a short look into the studio, the broadcast goes straight back to Nancy and the tank.

Minthe has apparently gotten bored with waiting and zooms through the water behind the reporter and Doctor Sheehy, so Nancy has gone back to interviewing the marine biologist.

"Doctor Sheehy... Mallaid. What can you tell us about Minthe? How did she become the way she is now? Are there ethical concerns to a clearly intelligent living being held captive like this?"

"Well, Nancy, there certainly are. Our ethics committee is still discussing that. But as Minthe can't breathe air anymore and the only other option would be to leave her out in the ocean, we decided that this would be the best course of action. For now."

"You say she 'can't breathe air anymore'. I take it that hasn't always been the case?"

"Of course! Minthe was just as human as you and me until last week." Looking at Nancy's gargantuan purple bosom pointedly, Doctor Sheehy raises an eyebrow, but elects to not comment on the dubious 'baseline human' qualities of the reporter. "She's actually one of the divers that first discovered the specimen out in our lab!"

"Ah! I see." It speaks volumes about Nancy's reporting skills - and exposure to body-altering substances - that she doesn't even bat an eye. "Can you share how it happened?"

"Oh, I'd rather leave that up to Minthe." Turning to the tank, mainly out of curtesy, of course, with the microphones being able to pick up their sounds no matter where they are facing, Doctor Sheehy calls out to the mermaid. "Minthe! Wanna share the story about your 'rebirth'?"

The mermaid's excited racing about comes to a screeching halt at the front of the tank - of course, being in the water, there is no actual screeching involved, but the sediment at the bottom is swirled up a little. Curiously, Minthe doesn't look excited to share her story; instead she's fiddling with the webbing between her fingers sheepishly, looking off to the side.

"Uh-uhmm... It's kind of embarassing..." But then her face lights up and Minthe looks at Nancy with her broad, toothy smile. "But I like you, Nancy, you're funny! So I'm gonna tell you."

"Thank you, Minthe, I appreciate tha--" Nancy can't even finish her sentence before Minthe begins rambling.

"Okay, I was diving with my hubby Josh - we always go diving in Lake Michigan, but it's kinda alright, I guess, and I wanted to see something more exciting, so we decided to fly to the west coast for vacation, 'cause of the reefs and so on, and the first week, we went diving, and saw fishes and corals and starfish and... well, normal stuff, but soooo pretty, but then the second week... BAM!"

Minthe slaps the glass of the tank with her flat, webbed hand.

"We found stuff. Weeeeiird stuff. Titties and di*beeep*ks and p*beep*ys." Whoever does the beeping at WCNN was apparently sleeping on the job. "So Josh and I take photos and videos and even more photos until we're almost out of air, 'cause we know that's not normal, but when we start to go up to the surface, I start feeling weird, like I suddenly can't breathe, and I feel really hot, and my legs are like jelly, I start sinking to the bottom 'cause I can't swim like this, Josh is all worried about me, but when he reaches me, I start twitching, and my wetsuit starts to fall apart around my legs, 'cause, well..."

She points at her scaled, red fish tail.

"That happened, and by now, I'm in a panic 'cause I can't breathe, so I rip off my rebreather, take a deeeeep breath of water... and suddenly I'm fine. Only now Josh is freaking out, 'cause he thinks I'm drowning, but I'm not, I'm feeling great, and my flippers slip from my fin, and I'm off!"

The excited grin on Minthe's face makes it clear she remembers how exhilarating her first swim as a mermaid was. In fact, she seems intent to relive that moment and races away, a red streak in the water.

"Josh Stanford, her husband, had to return to the surface as his oxygen was depleted." Doctor Sheehy takes over for her charge, and Nancy turns to the curvy redhead. "As they had used up their reserves, he got back to shore and contacted us, assuming that we would have the necessary equipment to find his wife. We did, and not only her. We'll be working on that particular spot for years."

"That's really great!" Nancy seems genuinely excited, but it's probably because of the beautifully dramatic story she just heard. Although it was told rather haphazardly. "But there's one thing I don't understand - why did the... changes happen spontaneously in Minthe? Was it the water?"

"You're pretty sharp!" Doctor Sheehy grins.

"For a reporter, you mean?" Nancy fires back a smile of her own, but hers has the tiniest edge.

"No, in general. But no, it wasn't the water. Josh would have felt the effects, too, if it had been - the secretions become too diluted rather quickly. Which beggars the question how all of this happened in the first place; a freak accident?" Shrugging, Doctor Sheehy leans closer to Nancy and continues conspiratorially: "No, Minthe probably only told you the story because she decided to skip that, the actual embarassing part. She changed because she touched one of the morays you've seen back in the lab."

"Did noooot!" Minthe races back up to the front of the tank. The microphones seem to be rather sensitive. "I didn't, I really didn-- okay, I did, but I was just so curious, okay? He looked so big and pulsating and he was so trusting, coming right out of hiding, and... aaagh!"

"And she's off again."

"That she is. I have one more question - that is, one more question about Minthe. I have plenty about your work, about your findings, everything."

"Alright, go ahead." Turning away from the tank, Doctor Sheehy puts her hands in the pockets of her labcoat. "We can definitely continue touring the facility afterwards."

"We'd love to. Now... Are there any documented mental changes? Why is Minthe so..."

"Childish? According to her husband, she was always rather happy-go-lucky and excitable, but it seems that the exposure to the active agents has made these parts of her personality more... prevalent. Not that she seems to mind."

"That much seems obvious. She does seem very happy..."

"I am, but I'm also boooored!" Minthe presses her nose against the glass again. "I can only race around the tank so many times before I wanna do something else, and I can't if no one visits me! Oh, right - Nancy, can't you stay here a while? Pretty pleeeease? With cherry on top?"

"I... uh, well..." Put on the spot like that, Nancy is thrown for a loop. Not for very long, of course. "You know, I'd love to. But first, we need to finish this Breaking News. But I promise I'll come by afterwards and keep you company. If Mallaid gives her okay."

"Oh please, Mallaid! Can she? Can she?" For someone without legs, Minthe manages remarkably well to hop excitedly. Or in this case, bob up and down excitedly.

"I don't see why not." Smiling warmly, Doctor Sheehy puts one hand on the tank, and Minthe reacts by putting hers on the same spot from the inside. "We shouldn't be long. And if everything goes well, we can outfit your tank with some amenities next week."

"Oooh, really?!" There it is again, the wide grin. "I can't wait!"

"Glad to hear you're looking forward to it." Doctor Sheehy takes her hand away from the tank and waves at Minthe. The mermaid does the same, only her wave is much more exuberant. "We'll be back before you know it."