The True Spirit Of America

The door opened, and I found myself once more within black. Darkness.

I was sitting at least. That was something. I could again hear the murmur of a crowd. As my eyes adjusted, I heard the sound of a Kettledrum rolling, and the lights coming up. I found myself sitting within a crowd of people, most of them looking like they'd just come from a costume shop. Ahead of me I could see a stage with several doors and curtains, as well as what looked like camera. A large red neon sign above blinked rapidly with the word "Applause".

A voice Boomed from every Corner of the room.

"These People, dressed just as they are, come from all over the United States to make Deals, here on the Marketplace of America!"

"LET'S MAKE A DEAL!"

And now, let's hear from America's top Trader! TV's Big Dealer! Monty Hall!"

From behind me the entire crowd's attention shifted to observe a man in a Dark grey striped jacket with perfectly shaped lightly grayed hair. He held a small silver microphone in his hand as he walked along the crowd, smiling and waving. His smile was broad, and his eyes scanned the crowd rapidly, moving from one position to another, all the while constantly reassuring everyone as to his benevolence.

"Thank you, thank you, wonderful to see all these beautiful people, coming across the country to make deals, and have a lot of fun, and maybe even get zonked. What was that? I shouldn't talk to the crowds, because when I do, everyone has a line to deliver. It's all a part of the magic, here on Let's Make A Deal."

He reached the Top of the small seating area and the crowd again cheered as he mentioned the name of the show.

"Say, who wants to have a Golden Apple of Discord?"

The entire crowd began Shrieking loudly and waving their signs madly. I thought I could make out what looked like a familiar face or two, but was unable to concentrate with the incredibly garish costumes and waving signs.

"Because Uncle Monty has one of them right here in his pocket, and I'm looking to make a deal with YOU, Sir!"

Monty pointed right at me, and smiled broadly. He descended the stairway gracefully, his eyes never leaving mine as he approached. They momentarily dropped to my chest, and I noticed that I was wearing a Nametag with my name on it.

"Brent, from Santa Cruz, California. Lovely place, just drove down to be here, right in our studio audience, and you look like you came right from the beach. Hanging Ten today, are we? Is that... No no sign, but you have a little bag there, and I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I want to fill that bag with something, so I'm going to reach into my pocket right now, and pull out a Golden apple, as you can see this golden apple, and while I'm holding it up Jay is going to tell us a little about it."

The sound of a voice echoed from above while an inane tune punctuated with harps played.

"That's right it's a Golden Apple of Discord, hand crafted exclusively by Hesperides Enterprises. When you're looking for the best in divine power, why not go with the brand that started it all? Our fine gardeners have an over three thousand year record of established quality and service. Hesperides. Better than man can imagine."

"And that does indeed look like a lovely apple, doesn't it Brent. "

He again held the apple aloft to the shouted sounds of everyone around me as the red flashing light pulsed "Applause" again and again.

"Now, I'm going to hand you this apple..."

And just like that it was in my hand. A small little plastic box, containing an apple. Underneath was a small envelope, but with the way the apple was sitting on it, It was impossible to even get a hint of what might be inside.

"Don't applaud yet everyone... hold on, hold on... haven't even gotten to the best part yet. They're all jumping around here... What was that? Oh no, sorry, we only have one apple today, but I've got my eye on you... Helen, Helen, From Richmond, Virginia?... I do give a hoot!"

My eyes widened in shock to see that it was in fact Helen... and she was dressed as an owl. A big brown library owl. Complete with facepaint and a big sign on a stick. She hadn't even glanced at me, her entire attention focused on Monty.

"Well just sit tight, because we haven't even gotten to our first deal of the day yet. But I'm eyeing you, and I'm thinking that a woman dressed like that... what's that sign? Make me a deal, or The Owl will eat you... Haha... I can tell you're just looking to play our little game."

Monty's attention again returned to me, and he brought his hands together happily.

"Now, that apple positively looks lovely, doesn't it? Think you might have a real winner there. But, you know this is Let's Make a Deal, and we always like to give little surprises in the things we hand out. So if you take a look at that, you'll notice that we have a little envelope underneath the Apple, in that lovely little case we've got it in. Now... there might be something IN that envelope, but I'm not going to tell you that. Instead, I'm going to offer you the chance... to trade it for what Jay is bringing down the aisle right now in this box. But... if you don't take the box, I'm going to give it to Helen here."

The crowd began shouting randomly, some demanding I take the box, others screaming that I needed to hang onto the Apple. Right next to me a woman dressed as a crow waved her sign madly, and all I could hear were the sounds of "Take the Box!" or "Take the Apple!"