Your father was a smooth talker.

Your mother hems and haws and finally begins to tell you the truth. She looks like Velma from Scooby Doo with even thicker curves and so when she tells you that she was a bit of a nerd in college and naive about the ways of men, you don't have any trouble believing her.

"I was searching in the library for an old text on comparative religions when I found a reeeally old text. Something about it...uhm excited me and I just had to explore further." Your mother blushes and bite her lips and sees your form vibrate excitedly and continues...

"I found a summoning ritual and I decided to try it out. I thought maybe I could get extra credit, and I wasn't too worried because I picked the first monster listed in terms of increasing difficulty...a slime." Great so your dad isn't just a monster, he's also the wimpiest class of monster there is!

"Well, I got more than I bargained for. Your father was a very advanced slime, able to mold himself into many forms...and uhm girths." Your mom is perspiring as she remembers her deflowering at the hands of a living cumball. Despite your predicament, and the craziness of perving on your own mother's story, you feel your self trying to grow a throbbing, thick tendril and you pull yourself inward.

"Well, I guess I don't have to tell you the rest. And I probably shouldn't to be honest...it's pretty graphic. He returned to the abyss later the next morning, and nine months later, I gave birth to you. Your father found out somehow, and through some arcane rite opened an account for us to live on. It's how we can afford this nice house on my librarian salary. And last week, I got this in the mail with a note saying it would explain everything to you."

She hands a flier to you that says "Hades University for Men" on the front. You feel yourself forming a nub, then straining to form an arm and a hand, and manage to flip it open.

In a flash of brimstone, you find yourself in a strange new place...