Sorry, you're a what? (TW)

I cleared my throat and walked across the living area towards my unwanted guest. She had the good grace to put her phone down, at least. Now that I was marginally more awake and less distracted by morning bladder, I got a better look at her.

Putting aside my irritation at being woken up--and my further irritation that she'd come on in and plopped down on the couch with no invitation from me--I had to admit the girl was a looker. Straight dark hair was momentarily pulled away from her face by the sunglasses now perched on top of her head, revealing a very pretty face and pale blue eyes. Her makeup was a little dramatic, but not whorishly so, and the ear I could see sported a small hoop and two studs. Her black-and-white patterned crop top completely covered decent sized breasts while leaving a flat, toned belly exposed. A matching skater skirt left quite a bit of very nice leg exposed, and the ensemble was completed by a pair of black ankle boots with a tapered, 3" block heel.

At the moment, my visitor was relaxing on one end of my futon couch. I considered offering a handshake, but that didn't feel quite right. If she could be relaxed about this, so could I. Deciding to keep my distance, I settled myself on the loveseat that was my own favorite spot. After a few long seconds, I realized that I actually needed to say something if this encounter was going to go anywhere.

Being the smooth conversationalist I am, I led with, "So, you're here about the ad I placed for a roommate?"

My visitor favored me with a lopsided smirk, and answered very slowly, "Ye-e-es," in a clear dig at my addled state. Then the smile widened a bit, becoming more sincere and friendly, and she stood, closing the distance between us with her hand held out for me to shake. "My name's Elspeth."

I shook her hand because it would have been rude not to do, but at the same time I was bracing myself to actually be a little rude. As Elspeth--what kind of a name was that?--resumed her seat, I took a deep breath.

"Look, miss. I'm sure your showing up here at this time in the morning, less than twenty-four hours after I posted the ad, probably speaks volumes for all your good qualities. That being said, I specifically advertised for a male roo --"

"Oh, I know," she interrupted, with a small smile, "but I was hoping I could convince you to change your mind about that."

Annoyed, I shook my head, "I don't mean to be ru --"

"You don't mean to be rude, I know. You just can't see yourself living with a girl. Right?"

I nodded.

"Because they hog the bathroom, and leave bras and pantyhose drying everywhere?"

Okay, this was getting a little spooky. Those were the exact scenarios I'd imagined while I was writing the ad the day before.

"And because a girl would just use you but never be interested in you as boyfriend material?

Another perfect hit.

"And because you don't want to run into some naked hunk in the kitchen that your female roommate brought home for a one-night stand?"

I was stunned enough by the accuracy of Elspeth seeming to know exactly what I had thought the day before that I forgot to pretend not to be the sort of guy who would care about all those things. Instead, I nodded in agreement and said, "Yes. That's about it. No offe --"

"No offense?" she interrupted.

"Right," I agree, then asked, "How exactly do you . . . it's like you're reading my mind or something."

Her smile widened, and she said, "Oh, that's because I'm reading your mind. See, I'm a witch." I didn't even get to speak this time. I had just started to think, That's ridiculous, when she said, "No, Dean, it's not ridiculous at all."

Now I was truly flabbergasted.