A Fight to the Something

You do your best to copy Man-Mountain's stance as you and the impressed (and still vaguely flustered) cyclops begin to warily circle one another, taking these starting moments to try and figure out how this is supposed to work. Is this like actual Olympic wrestling, where it's a real contest? Or are you just supposed to make it all look interesting while you tell a story? When your opponent darts forward and moves to grab you, you decide you've got your answer. Because while he puts impressive speed behind his movements, he still holds back enough that you are instinctively able to dart under his arms. Okay awesome, we're storytelling. It's David and Goliath, then. The classics last for a reason.

The cyclops whirls around like a man half his size and continues his attempts to wrangle you into his grasp, but you're always able to dodge around his torso-sized arms. Man, he's making you look so fast! Better pay it forward and do him a solid too. You duck below his grasping swipes and ball your fist, rearing back in a show of effort before leveling a strike at his stomach. Hey, that looked pretty impressive! And uh, good thing you pulled all the **** back at the last moment, because when your fist taps against Man-Mountain's liter-sized six pack it's as hard as goddamn rock. This dude fucking works out.

You expected the cyclops-actor to laugh boldly, or maybe turn all menacing, or something when your staged punch connected. Anything to sell that he's a big, unstoppable monster type dude. But instead he widens his giant blue eye in shock, as if he can't believe what you just did. Uh, did you mess that up? Better try again to cover this lull in the action. You smack his side with a theatrical karate chop sort of thing you think looks pretty cool as you twist around the huge man, peppering his back with a flurry of feather-light jabs. He probably just lost his train of thought and needs an opening to get back in the game, so you continue to rain faux-blows upon him to provide that opening.

When his massive hands clamp onto your arms, pinning them to your side as he actually lifts you straight into the goddamn air, you're briefly startled before you remember this is all part of the game. But man, where the fuck did they find a guy this strong who can also act this well? He's selling this whole moment so well; every inch of his body shouts iron resolve but you can feel the regret dripping from his single soulful eye. Or perhaps that is more the costumer's victory, or whoever controls his Muppet eye or whatever? The point is that you're both on the same page now and he's making it sing. You can just imagine the director silently cheering as Man-Mountain almost imperceptibly opens his mouth the say something, then changes his mind and tenses his muscles to crush you into dust. Give this man the Emmy for Weirdo Theme Park Gladiator Acting, because he's earned that shit. Now it's time to lift your end of the load.

You are briefly concerned when you feel your forehead physically connect with your opponent's nose. Whoops, you didn't quite pull that headbutt back enough; is he alright? The way he immediately drops you and stumbles back, both hands clutching at his face as he struggles to stay upright, would suggest that he isn't....but no one's stopped the fight? So it must be fine? And...he's just a real pro at this? Either way, you decide to move to the ending spot straight away; if he' s hurt and just trying to muscle through it, you want it over sooner rather than later. Guy's a bro. Okay, so....this is what a sleeper hold looks like, right?

Going off nothing more than what you've seen in movies and the general concept that squeezing dudes' necks is a thing that is done, you leap onto Man-Mountain's back and nimbly slip your arms around his massive throat. He rumbles a strangled noise as he whirls around in a staged attempt to dislodge you, but your arms are locked together by now and you're quite confident in your ability to hang on. Oh man, he's even doing that thing where he tries to reach back and grab you but he's too beefy to get his arms to twist that way! Dude knows his shit. By the time he heavily drops to one knee, his grunts have been reduced to a quiet wheeze. Maybe it's unprofessional to break character, but you gotta gives this guy your appreciation before this is over. The cyclops-actor is on all fours now, making it easy for you to shift around slightly and whisper into his ear.

"Thanks for giving me your best."

Man-Mountain stiffens at that, a noise catching in his squished throat. Then, his giant blue eye rolls backwards and he collapses in a massive heap. You give his pretend-**** form a thankful little pat before releasing him. You hope the rest of your new coworkers are close to this cool.

Princess Lin is applauding, regally patting the back of her hand as she favors you with a pleased smile. "Well fought indeed, Sir. And yet, will you not end it? They say cyclopes will never give up a fight, should they still see a chance for victory. "

What does she...oh, like will you execute him? Is this some sort of character work exercise? You are supposed to be a monster after all, is that what a monster would do? Probably, but....ehhhhh. Really not feeling it. Maybe you can get points for standing firm though; this could be one of those 'no wrong answers' situations. "Your Highness, I don't think that's really necessary. Do you?"

The girl gives you a graceful little shrug, though you think her smile is a little coyer than before. "We suppose not." She beckons you forward as the gated entrance to the arena rises. "Join Us, then. There is much to discuss."

You're perhaps a little puffed up as you strut through the exit. First day on the job, and you're already getting a one-on-one with the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? This is great, and you sure as fuck won't forget who made it all possible.

You flash Man-Mountain a grateful thumbs up you are confident he appreciates, resolving as you start up the stairs toward Lin's perch to learn his name before you see him next. Because, um, it's probably not that.