Dingy Caves Make Great First Dates

Well it was a bumpy start, but things seem to be going smoother now. Keep it light; maybe you can create a workplace relationship here that's actually friendly. You continue rummaging through your bag as you call out to the girl, "I think I've got some snacks or something in here, do you want any?"

The dragon actress blinks a bit. "I, um..."

"Ahha, here we go!"

You pull out a pair of emerald green apples, so perfect looking that they might as well have been transported directly from a supermarket commercial. You extend one to the dragon actress, hoping that your smile is pleasant. Hey, I just barged in while you were sleeping; want one of these fruits I carry around in a bag? She's just staring at you. Oh fuck, you're already botching this. Might as well scram before...oh no, wait.

As you hold your breath the girl hesitantly rises to her feet, still more or less entangled in her makeshift bed, and starts to shuffle towards you. She pauses when she's roughly within arm's length, sniffing at the proffered apple, then carefully reaches out and plucks it from your hand. She quickly presses the ripe fruit to her noise, her eyes turning bright as she takes a deep whiff of it. Guess they don't get much fresh produce in the Dragon Skull Fuck Mountain Cafeteria? Evidently not, because she immediately plops down beside you and begins devouring the apple with relish, her hesitance to be near you evidently forgotten or overcome. Either way, you're calling it a victory.

You polish your apple against your shirt, unable to stop yourself from grinning a bit as you watch the actress utterly decimate hers. She's reduced it nearly to a core when she notices you staring, the girl immediately flushing. "Um, what?"

Oh shit, think fast, what's the first thing you see "Oh, I, ah...was just wondering why you were napping on that..." Human-sized hamster nest? Dirty clothes pile? Giant wad of garbage? "...bed. Is that really where you have to sleep?"

The girl pouts at that, gnawing on her apple core. "I'm s'posed to sleep on the treasure. That's what dragons do. I...I don't like it, though."

You remember the giant pile of play gold in the main chamber. A dragon perched on top of that would be a pretty great image, though the effect isn't quite as impressive when the dragon is just a cute girl with fake horns. "I doubt I'd like it either."

She nods emphatically. "Once I was snoring? And I sucked in a coin? I almost choked to ****."

"That's terrible!"

She nods forlornly, staring down at the apple core she's picked totally clean. Aw, poor girl. This seems like a pretty bad gig for her; you don't know why they didn't put this girl in a gown and have her be the princess. Maybe she's just too good of an actress. Well, not so good that you don't catch her stealing peeks at the apple you haven't taken a bite of yet. Unless that's on purpose, so you'll offer it to her without her asking. Then she's fucking Meryl Streep, because you absolutely offer it to her.

She favors you with an exuberant grin, laying her hands atop yours in her eagerness to take the apple. She immediately stiffens, seeming uncertain as she darts her greenish blue eyes up at you. Your first impulse is to recoil away, babbling something about what a nice cave she has and oh look at the time but you must be off, but something inside of you takes charge in that moment and instead you simply smile at her. She slowly smiles back, then pulls the apple away, eating it more slowly this time as her blush begins to blossom across her cheeks again. Man, this girl. Dragon Skull Fuck Mountain is the best.

The two of you sit in contented silence for a moment. Well, she seems contented. You're semi-frantically trying to decide what to say next. 'Will you be my serious girlfriend, and meet my mother' seems too formal. 'Hey, by the way, sweet tiddies' seems way too casual. There's got to be something in the middle, but you sure as shit can't find it. Eventually, you decide to hedge your bets. "So, um, is this what you do? Like, always? Or do you get other shifts?"

The dragon girl looks up, eyebrows furrowed as she swallows a mouthful of apple. "Huh?"

"I mean, like, you get to go do other stuff right?"

The girl seems a bit confused by that, though she's doing her best to work it all out. "Do I get to go...I...I'm the dragon; I'm supposed to guard the treasure."

"Well sure, but is that all you want to do?"

"I don't..." She hesitates, looking entirely unsure of herself, "...there's nothing else I can do. This is what I'm for....isn't it?"

Wow, there's dedication to the job and then there's this. "I mean, I can't tell you that. What do you think?"

The actress's lip quivers a bit as she stares down at her half-finished apple, clearly struggling with the idea. After a moment, however, a spark of determination flits across her face her voice quiet but sincere as she speaks almost to herself. "...no. I could...I can do other things."

You nod enthusiastically, throwing a hand out to indicate the paintings that cover the walls. "I totally agree! You could definitely paint portraits, for one."

That's a thing at theme parks right? Like caricature painting? Do they have that here? Evidently it is, because the girl beams at you. "Really?! You think so?!"

"Of course! Or anything else, for that matter! Look," you stand up resolutely, "forget this whole 'prince fights the dragon' stuff. That shit is so played out, right?"

The girl balls up her fists, infected by your riotous display. "Y-yeah!"

"I don't want to fight. I don't want to steal some stupid treasure. Do you want to fight? Do you want to guard some stupid treasure?"

"No!"

"Well then screw it!"

The dragon girl gasps in disbelief at that, though she can't stop herself from grinning. "What? But, we're supposed to!"

You blow a raspberry, prompting the actress to giggle. "Hey, I haven't seen anyone looking over my shoulder since I got here. Has anyone else come up to check on you who hasn't been here to fight?"

"No! No one!"

You extend a hand down to the girl, who happily gasps again. This is getting dramatic as balls and you fucking love it. "Well then I say screw it! Let's just forget the stupid treasure and get out of this dumb cave! I'm a prince, we could totally just go hang out at my castle until you figure out what you'd rather be doing. How about it?"

The dragon girl's eyes have gone wide as you speak, quavering a little as she gazes at your outstretched hand. "I...you...y-you mean it?" Did she actually sniff a little?

"Definitely; it'll be fun!"

She sniffs again, apparently unable to do more than gratefully smile and slip her warm hand into yours. The girl shrugs off the rest of her bedding and you help her to her feet, inadvertently pulling her up closer to you than you'd intended. She's all but pressed against you, hands laid on your chest and lips inches away from yours, her sweet breath twisting in your nose and her still quivering eyes gazing deeply into you. Is this going to happen?

Just as you decide you're going to lean in for a kiss, the girl's eyebrows shoot up and her mouth tightens. What is...oh. She carefully reaches up and tucks her plump breast back into her thoroughly outmatched top, having just realized it had been out this whole time. You'd forgotten about it yourself, which is saying something. It's a rare girl who can get you to forget about some out and about boob.

"Um, what to borrow some of my clothes?"

"Yes. Please."

Before long, you and the girl are merrily making your way out of the tunnel, your new companion clutching her stuffed bag-doll and giggling at the way your tabard flutters when she waves an arm around. Is this the princely version of that fetish where a girl wears your button down shirt the morning after? Because you absolutely have that fetish now.

The girl only pauses for a moment to stick out her tongue at the treasure room before quickly scampering back up to you, plopping her doll into your bag and then taking hold of one of your arms. She seems to barely be able to hold back her excitement as she squeezes your arm, jabbering without need for breath about all the things she wants to see and everything she wants to do. God, you may get fired for this but who fucking cares; you had thought this job was the best thing to ever happen to you, but you're starting to realize you jumped the gun on that assessment. You edge into her eager monologue as you near the mouth of the cave. "We'll probably need to double up on my horse; is that okay with you?"

Evidently is is, because the girl all but squeals in delight. "You have a HORSE?!"

You grin, but before you can answer there is sudden movement just ahead of you. You throw up your head in surprise, only to see Trundle before you, your surly manservant clutching a shovel and a big bag that has "ASH SACK" scrawled on the side of it. What the fuck? You stare at each other for a brief moment, then he glances over at your companion.

All the blood drains from Trundle's face as he shrieks in terror, wildly swinging up his shovel to strike the 'dragon' girl. Before he can, however, your manservant is engulfed in a huge gout of coppery flame. You couldn't look away from the conflagration that was Trundle even if you wanted to, and you desperately want to. The only blessing is that it's over almost as soon as it finishes, the flamespout extinguishing with a scent of cinnamon and cloves as the pillar of black ash that was your asshole manservant begins to crumble away in the mountain breeze.

You swallow hard, then shakily look over at your companion, who's staring up at you in wide-eyed shock. "He, he scared me! Who was that?!"

She's a real fucking dragon. All of this is real. Oh fuck.