Potions

Corporate Magus welcomes you to our Cursed and Detrimental Potions department. Here we research and develop only the best salves, oils, colloids, ingestible fluids, and other liquids for punishing henchmen, thieves, and other ne'er do wells. Please note Corporate Magus is not liable for misuse of any product.

Archer's Bane: This wondrous concoction disrupts the imbiber's visual perception, causing a dramatic case of vertigo. After drinking from this flask, the victim will be unable to accurately locate objects in their field of vision. Reading, walking in straight lines, and even recognizing familiar faces will similarly become effectively impossible. However, those under the effects of this **** will still understand the basics of their surroundings, great for reminding prisoners that they are, in fact, still trapped in a cold, dark dungeon with no hope of escape, no matter how easy it would be to pick the lock if you could see it.

Angel's Generosity: Giving is its own reward. And what better way to handle thieves, pillagers, and other pilfering pests than watching them give you all of their rewards. Simply douse unlit torches or other burning light fixtures with Angle's Generosity and wait for unsuspecting uninvited guests to light the way to a better path. As the sweet incense of this product infiltrates the senses of unwitting victims, feelings of guilt and desire for penance will slowly seep into their sleeping mind. The only cure for such unwanted introspection is the joy of giving. Money to the poor guards in your fortress, weapons and armor to hungry rust monsters and iron golems, the shirt off their backs to the sick and needy of the nearest settlement. They won't stop until they have nothing left to give but themselves. And with all of their worldly possessions gone, even that may be up for negotiation. Corporate Magus does not endorse providing Angel's Generosity to local temples and hiring unpaid interns to collect alms/busk at street corners, but don't let that stop you!

Blackout Beer: Crisp, flavorful, refreshing, this beer is a delight for the senses. Well, right up until it takes them away and causes a near comatose state for the next 6 hours. While under the effects of the bubbly brew the victim cannot take any action beyond peaceful slumber, nor will they be able to react to any external stimuli. This incredible deep sleep prevents the effected person from perceiving any visual, auditory, or tactile sensory inputs. Corporate Magus's beguiling booze is great for drinking guards under the table, **** political rivals, or punishing would be beer thieves trying to rob your tavern blind. (Warning: Corporate Magus does not endorse this product as a personal sleep aid. Please consider Great Sleep or Cat Nap for your Insomnia treatment needs.)

Binding Salve: This would be great for slaves if our sponsors and government contracts weren't wholly adverse to the word "****". Instead, the minds at Corporate Magus are happy to inform you that this thick ebony salve is good for more than just closing wounds and soothing burns. The inky black ointment in this jar sticks to skin through soap, water, flame, and liberal application of eldritch magics. With the proper incantation, streaks of Binding Salve become powerfully self attractive. A few thin lines around the wrists quickly turn this product into a set of handcuffs. A dab along the neck, and those cuffs become an impossible to escape yolk/fiddle. Get creative as you like, and paint your way to the best restraints on the market. Warning: This product is best applied via the provided brush style applicator. Only allow victims to handle salve directly. If unintentional direct application to skin occurs, wash affected area immediately with Oops Away, Corporate Magus's preferred ointment removal product.

Catatonic Cola : Does this taste like cherries? Yes! Does it also put the victim in a deep trance? Also yes! Will they mindlessly follow any and all orders for the next two to three hours while under the influence of this bubbly confection? Yes once again! You too can be the proud owner of a temporary servant who will mindlessly and obediently follow your every command. Why bother with complex hypnosis spells or zombie rituals when you can share Catatonic Cola? Corporate Magus suggests pairing this wonderful brew with our patented Glyph of Instruction. Simply burn the glyph into the bottom of the cap, set a delay trigger for three minutes and record your verbal instructions for your new temporary involuntary volunteer servant. "Chain yourself to the wall." "Remove all of your armor and weapons." "Turn yourself in to the guard rapidly approaching you." "Put on this hilarious and not in any way deviant or suggestive outfit." "Continuously imbibe this delicious soda so as to remain under its effect indefinitely." The possibilities are truly endless, and your victim will mindlessly oblige. Our new and improved formula even prevents the hapless drinker from remembering what induced their mindless state, so you can continue to rely on Corporate Magus's best: Catatonic Cola.

Horny Troll Healing Potions: Everyone knows trolls possess one of the most robust and enviable healing abilities in the known planes. Severed arms, impalement, even decapitation are no permanent impediment to these outstanding creatures. If only a portion of their immense healing potential could be harvested without the risk of severe and untreatable warts, rashes, and other heinous cuticle conditions. Here at Corporate Magus we believe nothing is truly a failure if you can sell it for profit. Recent R&D breakthroughs have developed an intoxicating troll-based healing fluid full of regenerative powers with no risk of unsightly physical blemishes. Even better, this wondrous elixir compels an insatiable sexual appetite whose ferocity scales directly with the physical harm undone by it's healing properties. Enjoy (from a safe distance) as barbarians hunt down and hump their allies into submission. Watch with glee as paladins annihilate their vows and their companion's assorted orifices. Take bets on how long the healer can keep the half-orc warrior at bay before they become a quivering mound of semi-clear fluids and shame. Costumers who purchased this product also buy Distant Memories, CM's beloved long distance visual-audio recording solution.

Lurid Lipgloss: "You won't get away with this!" "I'll kill you with my bear hands!" "This is against seven different interdimensional treaties!" "I prefer Wizarding Wonder's products!" Prisoners say the darnedest things. Why subject yourself to their ****/ insufferably poor taste when you can procure far sweeter sentiments with Lurid Lipgloss. Our patented arcano-sexual arousal colloids turn "Get me out of here!" into "get me off in here..." That's right! Even against the most chaste and prudish morale, one application of Lurid Lipgloss will turn every utterance into a sultry serenade suitable for the dingiest brothels, and filthiest ladies of the night. Nine out of ten succubi agree, turning a cleric's "Oh my GOD!" into "Oh my god... oh my god..." makes Lurid Lipgloss the happy warden's choice.

Potion of Pontification: Are you tired of relying on complex and messy means of ****, psychoanalysis, and/or dangerous mind reading techniques to derive critical information from your peers, captives, or corporate competition? Why not try Corporate Magus's Potion of Pontification. This delightful neon concoction is perfect for lubricating even the tightest of locked jaws. One swig and those "strong, silent" types will turn into unregulated chatterboxes happy to tell you everything and anything on their mind. Partnered with Corporate Magus's own Circle of Truth or Liar's Pants products, your unwelcomed guests will spill secrets even the best interviewers couldn't have dreamed to ask. Corporate Magus's legal team would like to remind you that Corporate Magus does not encourage partnering Potion of Pontification with Lurid Lipgloss, but we also have no practical means or desire to stop you!

Oil of Exhibition: Flawless skin, a supernatural glow, resistance to harm, all this and more can be yours forever with a single application of Corporate Magus's Oil of Exhibition. And of course by "and more" we mean the inability to wear clothing, jewelry, armor, accessories, or even illusory magics. Thanks to our recent aggressive takeover of several amazonian tribes and ruthless disregard for the minutia of things like "safety" and "decency"or "not abusing helpless natives for massive profits", Corporate Magus has refined the ultimate in skin care for temporary involuntary volunteer servants. A single application of this oil will leave skin incredibly resilient against blunt ****, abrasion, piercing, arcane energy, and even divine intervention. Marvel as flesh once marred with scars, burns, rashes, acne, ringworm, faerot, moles, warts, subcutaneous scales, pox, ingrown hairs, blisters, and/or uneven tan lines instantly smooths and mends into a beautiful porcelain sheen. Treated skin exhibits truly otherworldly beauty, so much so that forces beyond our understanding or care to research prevent ointmented flesh from being covered by any means. Clothing melts away, armor disintegrates nigh instantly, weaves of illusory magic shatter on contact. We aren't sure what causes these effects, but we do know why it spreads slowly over the course of several days until the victim's entire luscious exterior is fully coated. That's the work of Corporate Magus's deluxe spreading agents and alchemic replication technologies. Warning, Corporate Magus strongly recommends leaving application to unsuspecting dupes, unwanted thieves, or well trained temporary involuntary volunteer servants. Oil of Exhibition has been shown to envelop all application wand types. Please use Corporate Magus's Beautiful Bronze skin care line of products for personal beautification and protection purposes.

Stay tuned for updates and new products...