Play ding-dong-ditch...in the buff

Originally written by a former member at writing.com

Jane snapped her fingers suddenly. "I have an idea."

"Why is it that every time you say that a shudder runs down my spine?" Yuki asked.

"Because you have no sense of adventure. Anyway, since you had so much fun talking to the neighbors--"

"I deny that."

"The first step is always denial."

"I'm going to get angry pretty soon too."

"You do that. Anyway, that gave me the idea of having you have some fun with some of the other neighbors."

"What?" Yuki asked. "For the love of...Jane, there's no point in me jumping through all your crazy hoops if the only way I can get my clothes back is to let you show me off to everyone in the entire neighborhood first!"

"It won't be the entire neighborhood," Jane said exasperatedly. "Have you ever played ding dong ditch?"

"That game where trespass and irritate people?" Yuki asked. "Can't say I have."

"Well, tonight you will."

"Huh. And I bet you're going to make me do it in the nude."

"It wouldn't be fun otherwise."

Yuki couldn't argue with that. "So you've come up with a method that's even less fun."

"Oh, don't be so pessimistic."

"Don't be so sadistic," she replied. "But just to clarify things, I just have to ring some guy's doorbell and run off, and I will--I will, absolutely, no take backs--get my clothes back."

"A few doorbells," Jane clarified. "Three or four. And yes, you'll get your clothes back."

"And I'll have to do it naked."

"Again, yes."

"And all of you will be naked with me."

"Not a chance."

"Dang. Well, we might as well get this over with."

Jane, Yuki, and all their friends started walking down the sidewalk. Yuki developed a sudden fear of street lights and jumped behind someone whenever a car drove by. Eventually Jane saw a house she liked, and sent Yuki into the stranger's front yard. Yuki sprinted across the grass with one arm pressed against her breasts to keep them from flopping all over the place and another over her crotch just in case someone saw her. She got got to the front door, but hesitated before hitting the doorbell. If she rang the doorbell, someone might see her, and if she didn't ring it, she could just say that no one was home. She ran back to her friends.

"Hold on," Jane said as they were leaving. "No one answered the door."

"Maybe no one's home," Yuki suggested. "Oh well, one down, two more to go."

Jane shook her head. "It doesn't count if they don't answer the door."

"What? You never said that!" Yuki protested.

"I didn't? Oh, well. Besides, how else do I know if you even rang the doorbell?"

At the next house, Yuki actually did ring the doorbell before running off, but this time, actually no one was home. The third house had a ridiculously large driveway.

"Well, three times the charm," Jane said. "Good luck."

Yuki took a deep breath and sprinted towards the front door. She'd been doing a lot of running that night. She wished Jane let her wear her shoes. She wondered if Jane would let her do something less physical if she got a splinter. Probably not.

Yuki jumped onto the front porch, but before she could ring the doorbell, a huge monster of a dog came bounding after her. Later, she recalled the dog being six feet tall foaming at the mouth with blood-red eyes, but that could have been her abject terror talking. Like any sane person under the circumstances, Yuki took off running like a scared rabbit, and the dog chased her like, well, like he was chasing a scared rabbit.

"Run, Yuki!" Jane called, as though Yuki wouldn't have thought of that on her own, as if running would do her any good. She saw a tree, grabbed onto a branch, and swung herself barely away from the dog's murderous fangs. She didn't know how high the monster could jump, so she climbed as far up the tree as she could.

"Go away," she begged. "What can't you just leave me alone? I don't taste nearly as good as I look!" Maybe the dog would get bored and go away sometime tonight. Or maybe she could just stay in the tree for the rest of her life. A light in the house turned on and the front door opened. "Ah crap."

The man that came outside looked to be about in his fifties, and as he came closer, Yuki saw that he was carrying a shotgun! A shotgun! Who answers the door with a shotgun anyway? Would he shot her? Yuki tried to imagine what she would look like with a shotgun round fired through her, then immediately tried to stop imagining it. Should she jump down now and surrender? Right, if he didn't shoot her reflexively, the dog would tear her throat out before she could say, "Please don't hurt me!"

On the other hand, she was pretty high up in the tree. Maybe he wouldn't see her. Maybe he'd think that the dog was barking at a bird or a cat or something. Please don't see me, please don't see me, please don't see me!

"What's all the ruckus about, Rusty?" the man said. "Is there something wrong?"

Please don't see me, please don't see me, please don't see me!

The man got to the tree and looked up.