OOC: Author notes & introspection

NOT STORY ALSO SPOILERS ALSO I MOVED THE "HIDDEN" LINKS HERE OC DO NOT CLICK

I'm just going to make a page here for my mad ramblings. I find it soothing.

This page is nothing but introspection and work-in-progress thoughts. If you want to read something about writing or writing process, this might be a good read for you. If you want to read someone slowly descend into madness, then this might be a good read for you. If you want story and porn, then no, not a lot of that here.

I've always longed for more writers to share their creative process. Like, if a book has after or foreword, I'll read that first. It's such a rare treat and really helps develop a mindset for this sort of stuff. Knowing that you're not alone in finding words weird and wobbly. If that's you, I hope some of these squiggly things transfer helpful information through your retina and into your mushy think chamber.

I'll be writing about this story, my earlier attempts, the creative process, and general musings on interactive stories as a medium.

Again, Expect spoilers.

So, right now I'm working on converging the paths. My initial goal was a three way branch, with one or two radical alterations, depending on which character you visited. I'm going to write about outcomes - which differs from choices and consequences, just so we're clear.

Anyway, one of those paths has a set outcome. Excluding Em leaves no presentation and little variance in the convergence. But visiting Em - if you have the proper bit of information - can lead to 4 outcomes. 2 with information about VCS and 2 without said information. I had to compromise on myself since, initially, I wanted to make slight alterations depending on which character you visited last/first, which would mean a whopping SIXTEEN sections. I've already spent more than a week just getting those 6 different outcomes in to place. So... Yeah, probably for the better.

Being no stranger to TWINE or INKLE (How come both engines have big letters?) but failing miserable at every turn, I've tried setting myself a couple of goals when writing this thing here. Seeing as I've made it to the writing stage, I'll call that a pretty good success. Once, I tried making a homelessness game in TWINE (much more overt porno and required the player to constantly sacrifice their self-worth in order to stay alive) and I got stuck on constantly fiddling with the engine. Hey, at least I made a functional D20 system in twine? That's... I mean... people have done that plenty of times, but I'm pretty proud for figuring that out by myself.

Just a couple of words left before we get to the end of chapter one. The final choice is about to be made and things will start moving forward again. So, here was my goals for chapter one:

1. Don't be men-writing-women.
2. Do arousal, but no sex.
3. Set up the world without revealing too much.
4. Make each choice just different enough to justify seeing each path through.
5. Include at least one choice that pays of now and one that pays of later.
6. DON'T GET STUCK EDITING

1.Eh. I think I might have come on a little to strong with female empowerment. At points it reads a little more 'I AM A MAN WRITING COMPETENT WOMEN! COME SEX WITH ME, MA'LADY' than 'I like writing about people and their struggles.'

I don't think these depictions are unrealistic, but I feel as if I come off more preachy and pushy, than I do conveying how gender doesn't define your capabilities, but rather how you perceive yourself as a person and how you relate to others.

Then, speaking of body-awareness here, some parts are still coming on too, 'I've grown up with a set of cock'n'balls,' for my liking. I know the general advice is, "write women like you do any other character," but... no. Not really. Overall, there really shouldn't be that much difference in how a person is portrayed, regardless of their sex.

But, doesn't matter what gender you identify as, your sex still very much defines which struggles you go through. Both socially and biologically. Sure, in the end, whether you end up defining as your gender, non-binary, opposite gender, what-ever the hell you have, your struggles matter as much as anyone else. Fundamentally, you need develop different glasses in order to, either conform and accept your flesh-puppet prison, reject it at its core, or impose your own insecurities on the world around you.

Overall, do I feel like I succeeded here? As I said, Eh. Kinda.

2.Yep. Feel pretty good about this one. I did warn y'all it was a slowburn.

Kidding aside, I do feel like I managed to succeed here. Having played a lot of porn games, I don't really see them depict arousal especially well. Especially in men gaining power from sex and women needing to lose their will/reasoning power in order to have sex. Both mechanics are equally bad, honestly. Both as a depiction of getting turned on and as a game mechanic.

Let's talk about that as a game mechanic. In both scenarios these mechanics are both the equivalents of locked doors or a boulder blocking the path. Except - in other games - you're not missing out on the god-damn reason you're playing these games.

Example:

His hand is on your leg. WWJD?

• Politely decline this gentleman's advances, because you are a good, sweet girl and a proper lady does not enjoy sex!
• TAKE A POUNDING AND MOAN HOW GOOD IT FEELS, UUUGHHHH [Willpower <50 required]

And for men:

• POUND HER LIKE THE FUCKING WHORE SHE IS, YOU GODDAMN ALPHA, UGGGGHHHH [Need +5 Conquests]
• Whimper that'd you'd like to do the sex, pretty please, it would feel so nice.

Like, one of my favourite things is playing porn games and then not interacting with the porn if possible. You'd be surprised how boring and not-fucking-porn these games become when you do so. Seriously, try it out. Maybe it's my own dungeon-master bias talking or the sheer hatred I feel for railroading which makes me want to not engage with these games as intended.

The point is for me to wank, right? Why would you give me options that doesn't end in that? They're non-options. Congratulations, you've managed to invest energy into something completely unnecessary! Choices which detracts from the intended experience isn't providing value for your game - on the contrary - you're writing a novel and the whole game part is just getting in your way.

Worst of all - and I do think we do this unintentionally - is the implication that women don't enjoy sex and have to devalue themselves in order to do so. Take Girl Life. You don't start as someone exploring their sexuality. You play as someone who gets into traumatic situations and then spiral into a pit of sexual depravity. You have to seek out situations where people do stuff to you. Just replaying the same passage over and over till the world around you goes, "yeah, I'd like to do a little groping."

Or what about the statement that men don't like to be conquered unless they're quite literally feminized. Perverted Education, as an example, follows this trope. Of course its catering to the fetish of feminization and being dominated, but it's just a dime in a dozen. When a woman in a game tries to conquer a man, in games without the feminization, it still only happens when the Male character gets tired of dismissing their advances. Going, sure, okay, lets have one sex. You've earned it, sweet-cheeks.

(As an aside, do play it. It does what Girl Life should and creates the illusion you're being taken advantage of, while letting you make informed and proactive decisions.)

Rarely, in games with the option to control lust and about consensual sex, does it lead to sexy scenarios when a player denies giving in. Instead of timid, tender moments, characters gets angry or players suffers some sort of negative consequence. Keep in mind that a choice leading away from erotica is still a negative. The whole point of playing erotica is to get erotic!

Then again, speaking of arousal, I'm not really a reliable author either, what not with my shitty childhood and all that. Just telling you, so you know not to take a mad-man's ramble on an Interactive Erotic Fiction as gospel.

3. Usually I do actually deliver Jack Vance-esque exposition dumps. In case you're a Jack Vance fan, yeah, me too, but damn that man was a product of his time. Entire characters revolve solely around his male characters and how they're the absolutely best. I'm trying to do the complete opposite with Shiva. She knows a lot, but doesn't feel important enough to talk about it - like she's bragging - while also hating herself.

Instead - talking about lore now - I'm trying to feed information which might lead to several conclusions, all depending on your contextual consumption of post-apocalyptical material. Huge spoilers: Cyberpunkers, you're the closest.

Still, my favourite part of games like Fallout or, more relevant, Third Crisis, is piecing together the world that occurred between stability and apocalypse. The tipping point. And, so far, I think I'm hitting that note.

4. I've read the same chapters over and over and over again. Jotting down notes and pondering how things could otherwise happen. Usually it's the really boring ones first. For example, Jorrel's branch before the coffee cult. That part only came in way late and exists only in one specific branch - unlike the others which have overarching similarities, but differ in details.

Then there's Emalie's section. I wrote the general idea of her branch last and I fucking hated it.

I made her way too unlikeable to begin with and I had no idea why she was even hanging out with the gang. That's where I started to realise that I had fallen into a classic trap of characters only existing inside main characters field of view. Sure, what we see of Emalie initially is a bit of rude a mo-ho. But there's so many circumstances underneath, differing from everyday life. There's the expedition, her partner being more in need and her own fear of inadequacy, and whatever else she's currently going through.

So, the first idea for her branch was the spooky noise being a sort of auditory ****, which would make both Shiva and Emalie chill and have a deep conversation. Because with both Mute and Jorrel's chapters being mostly talking, that's what this story really needed. More talking.

Then I remembered Rolph giving ten-hour long power point presentations, gladly. Maybe he was an artificial intelligence still presenting, years after everything went to shit? Oh,

But what would he be presenting? Duh, of course, the prototype that's tied into the major consequence of chapter one.

But what if the player hasn't heard of it yet? Right, then he gives a presentation on what a fantastic company he's working for!

Even better, how about Emalie being more a mouth-of-madness, knock on wood, this is reality, sort of person?

Without giving too much away, it was a matter of asking questions and answering them- something I'd never actually taught myself in the writing process. As a writer you are in control of your universe. You can jump back and change things if you get an idea which requires that. If you like it, odds are that you can answer those questions based off your already existing universe or just add some new stuff to justify its existence.

On a personal note, I'd actually advice against world building. While it's nice to get a general overview of how your world functions, all you're really doing is bogging yourself in details and restraining yourself. I have folders upon folders of worlds. I like them. I like them, too much. Creatively, this means I need to kill my darlings when I get a good idea and want to go with the flow. When forming your fully functional world first it creates a cascade of issues. Want to move a city? Well, you can't that's where battle X happened in the past and, if you want to move that city, you need to rewrite lore. Rewriting lore means changing customs and blah blah blah, you get it.

If you can relate to that, here's my advice: Keep it loose. Get a note book and keep it next to you. When you write something you'd like to include, make a note of it and then keep writing what you were currently working on.

Second bit of advice: Remove word count from whatever program you're using. Some people are able to use it to motivate themselves. I thought it did for me, but looking back, all it really did was discourage me when I felt like I wasn't writing enough to justify it. I can't release this, it's only 1000 words long! I can't release this, it's only 2842 words long! And so forth and so forth.

5. Both hand/leg and desk/shelves fit this nicely. Of them all, only one pays off in this chapter. Then, they're all spread out several chapters apart.

This is a lesson I learned from the original Witcher. At the time I was all about that save scumming so I could get the best outcome. There was no reason not to. Choices often paid off immediately or projected their consequences with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Which is good to a certain extend. You want the player to know what they're doing. Often times though, it's not contextually from the perspective of your character.

You meta-game with information your character doesn't have - looking for the correct solution. Which choice keeps most characters alive? How do I not end up mind-controlled? How do get enough variables acknowledged, so I can convince this mutant to kill itself?

It becomes a choice made by the player and not the character said player is inhabiting.

Witcher did two things I'm all for replicating: Mix up long term and short term outcomes. Then surprise the player with occasional choices that only pays off much, much later. Sure, it can feel like a cheap trick at times, when a side-quest affects the world around you in a profound way. Mostly, though, this happens when you make a choice based off your knowledge of your world and not of the one you're inhabiting through the game.

It's the game using your own knowledge of real world events against you. Slavery bad, yeah, we all agree. But maybe don't go pushing for an over-night revolution that took us years to resolve. It's the cultural equivalent of handing guns to cavemen. They're not at all prepared for that power.

Using an example from the story- Which part of the robot to fix: I feel like I did a good job providing enough information for a competent then and there choice. Shiva doesn't know what might happen in the future, but she can make a choice based off her current knowledge - mobility or strength. It won't pay off for a while, but when it does, it'll still feel fair and just.

Then there's the covert choices. Which characters to visit being one of them. Spoiler: Shiva is about the same height as everyone else. This is a bit of information you can only get by doing Emalie first. Then, there's information you can only get by visiting Mute first and Jorrel second, which also differs from visiting Emalie second.

In that way, every choice provides the player with new bits of information. Either contextually comparing information or by circumstances being slightly different. Like, say, the player leaving behind their wrench when they visit Jorrel - leaving them unable to defend him at a critical moment.

6. I've been spending much less time correcting my wording. It can be felt, for sure. I don't regret it though. Usually I'd spend hours rereading sentences just to make sure words were different enough. Often times to such an extend that these overly edited paragraphs ceased to make sense in the grand scope of things.

I'm working on being comfortable just writing. Enjoying it. Not second guessing every sentence or word choice.

For some this is super easy and for others, like myself, this is incredibly hard.

My best advice would be this: Go pick a book from your bookshelf. Now count the amount of times you see words repeated on two pages. Yes, The, Of, Then, Than, should be counted. Likewise with, Said, Says, Shout, or any other verb. You'll find that a lot of those repetitious words are necessary for forming coherent action in the written word. You'll also realise that, while reading, your brain actually discards a lot of them. We need them, but we also don't. It's like a bassist. Nobody notices it when they're strumming on stage, but will hear when they're not.

Write first, edit later.