No, but there might be a rhyme

Sam was hunched over, staring at her monitor.

Notably, not her phone, which currently resided face down on the desk. It was lying face down because it contained ten-plus texts from Clover asking if Sam was okay. She hadn’t responded, not just because she herself didn’t know the answer.

Her computer meowed at her. A cat compilation video was half-way through, though Sam hadn’t been paying more than cursory attention to it. Instead, she had been circling and looping around the previous hour’s events.

Sam was used to avoiding thinking about certain things. To just put them slightly out of reach of conscious thought. The key was to immerse yourself in other things, to flood it out. Guaranteed to work, except when it didn’t.

She couldn’t get the sight of Clover standing over her out of her mind. Her lascivious grin. Her tight-fitting clothes that normally seemed so quotidian, but now were some foreign agents of ill design. The way they cupped her modest breasts. The way they hugged her generous hips.

Was that how Clover saw her? Some object of desire? Why now of all times? Hadn’t they been through so much together with nary an indication of this hidden interest?

Was it her fault? She had just wanted to help her friend, but suddenly it devolved into… this.

Sam wasn’t a lesbian. She liked men. Big, hunky men. Preferably with a chiseled chest and bulging muscles. Nothing unusual. Standard even. She could appreciate the female form in the abstract, but this wasn’t that. What Clover was asking of her was something she didn’t have in her. Or at least she didn’t think she did. She had even tried masturbating to girl-on-girl porn before, but it just hadn’t done it for her.

And that was even in the case where she actually wanted to go through with it. She wasn’t even close to certain that if she did hypothetically happen to be a lesbian that she’d want to pursue a relationship with Clover. If that was what Clover was asking and not just some casual sex, one-off fling. It seemed a lot to ask. To suddenly take their relationship that one significant step forwards.

She had read once, from some dating website or something (she couldn’t remember where), that before loving someone else you should love yourself first. Sam didn’t love herself. She kind of tolerated herself. She knew if she were to ask her friends, her mom, Jerry, anyone she trusted, if she were to ask them if she was a good person they’d unhesitatingly tell her she was crazy to think she was anything less than loveable. But she didn’t ask them. She thought back on the times she had been this close to quitting being a spy altogether, to selfishly shutting herself in and letting others do her job. To the times she had wanted to tell her friends to fuck off and leave her alone. To the times where she just wanted to sleep in all day and not wake up.

That was what Clover wanted?

Or perhaps she didn’t see past her body. Just the surface that she showed to her friends and nothing more. Was she beautiful? She had been told she was. When she looked in the mirror she could evaluate herself as pretty. If she dressed up, which on occasion she was **** to do, she could even call herself sexy. Maybe that’s what Clover saw, though, no, Clover knew her at least well enough to value her for her personality and mind as well. Was that a turn-on for Clover? Sam didn’t know.

Her thoughts drifted back to Clover’s apartment. Counterfactuals were an important part of assessing options, so she thought about what might have been if she took Clover up on her offer. She stood up from her prone position and reached out for Clover, wrapping one arm around her friend’s waist to rest upon the small of her back. With her other, she pressed a finger to Clover’s mouth. Her friend took her finger in, sucking on it. Clover pressed forwards, mashing her breasts against Sam’s. The blonde twirled her tongue against her friend’s finger before letting go with a pop.

“Ohhhh, Sam.” With Clover’s mouth unoccupied, it was free to pursue other matters. Her tongue snaked out. Sam gasped as it found her own, their lips locking together.

“Mmmph.” That was all Sam could manage as she joined with her friend… her newfound lover.

Clover broke apart. She laid her head on Sam’s neck and whispered into her lover’s ear. “I’ll never let you go, you know.”

Sam glimpsed that alternate future. Was it so scary that it merited her unreasoning flight? She couldn’t say. She couldn’t think past that.

The video on her computer had long since finished. She clicked a related video. A baby seal compilation. Objectively cute. Nothing more to it than what it was. No one went to a baby seal compilation video and asked for a lasagna recipe, for instance. Why then was everything else always changing, asking for more than what was there?

She clicked her bookmarks and went to her usual porn site. Her cursor found itself in the search bar and the list of suggestions dropped down. She scanned the list. It was all so… straight. She typed “lesbian sex” with a small laugh at the simplicity of her search. Hundreds upon hundred of pages with countless thousands of videos came up. The first page had the most popular of course, by whichever metric that was decided. Presumably some combination of views and time watched. Maybe some relevance in tagging. It might be worth researching at some point, but for now she had another more pressing need. She clicked on the first video and let it play.

Two girls were in a bedroom, laying upon the single bed with their legs in the air. One was a blonde and the other was a brunette. They were both model beautiful. Both of them had incredibly fit bodies, shaped and toned by a good diet and lots of exercise. Their breasts and butts were larger for their builds than the statistical average, Sam noted, which was only to be expected. Over the bed hung a Oklahoma U pennant, which she supposed was to set the scene. That and their cheerleader outfits, which did little to hide what they were half-way covering.

“Ugh. Brad’s the worst!” The blonde exclaimed. Her friend gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, he really is. I don’t know what you see in him.”

“Well normally he’s okay, but lately he’s been like so chauvinistic. Like he just demanded I blow him after practice but I wasn’t feeling it and he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I just left him.”

“That’s rough, gurl. He’s like so totally dumb.”

“Yeah, defs.”

“But now I’m feeling like so horny all the time without a good hard cock to fill me. If only someone could help me stuff my cunt.”

Help. Sam felt a phantom twinge in her arm, like she wanted to reach out and help that girl through the monitor.

The brunette gave the camera a knowing look. She heaved herself off the bed and went to a drawer, rummaging around for a bit before reaching in and taking something out. Her back was to the camera, so what exactly she retrieved was concealed.

“I’ve got just the thing, gurl.” She turned around, revealing a pink and rather girthy double-pronged dildo.

“Ooooh.” The blond let out an appreciative gasp. “That’s so big.”

“Bigger than Brad’s?”

“Totally bigger!”

The brunette closed the distance, stripping her rather meager skirt. The blond did the same. Their uncovered pussies were inches apart on the bed. The camera got a good view of the both of them. The brunette took the dildo and inserted it into herself with a small, appreciative moan. Her co-worker took the other end and did the same. They were joined together then, hands out behind them and jutting out at forty-five degree angles from the point of penetration. They started rocking back and forth, gyrating their hips.

“Oooh, Tiffany!” The brunette moaned her co-worker’s name.

“Sarah!”

Sam had started masturbating, mirroring the actions on the monitor. It felt empty. Lonely even, when compared to the recorded coupling. She felt like she could cum if she kept at it for a while, but it wouldn’t be that satisfying. She closed the video and exited the porn site. Her screen returned to the blank darkness of a new tab.

Was she thinking about this wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time. Argh. She didn’t know, and that was really all there was to it. She had never been in this kind of scenario before, and it wasn’t like textbooks dealt with such a personalized issue like this. And the internet was worse than useless when it came to giving out advice.

She needed to calm down and think about this rationally. The problem was that she was not rational. Fortunately for her there was a solution in hand. She opened her terminal and navigated down to her auto-induction program. No hesitation now. Not when it was so essential to get an even-keeled perspective on the situation. She hit enter.

*Click*