Markus Church, a 20 year old blogger in the MCU

Natasha woke up with a stretch and a sigh. The nightmare wasn't over yet. That meant she had to get up from the foot of her bed and start her humiliating new daily routine. First, she had to shower, shave, and re-up the pink dye in her now-bleached hair. Then she moved to makeup. She applied more to her face than could possibly be healthy, then put on some acrylic nails that were so long they guaranteed she'd be useless in a fight and covered herself in perfume so sickly sweet smelling it made her nauseous. Finally, her outfit. She put a clamp on each of her nipples with a wince and slipped into lingerie so pink it looked like it was designed by a citizen of Candy Land. Then, after all of that, she slipped back into bed, pulled down Markus' pants, and bobbed her head softly on his groin until he had to wake up. She had to keep the blowjob steady but not too pleasurable or he'd complain about waking him up too early. Natasha looked at his alarm clock. 4:43. She rolled her eyes. This was going to be a long day.

Natasha reflected on how the hell this happened. Markus was a ditz, a slob, and completely incompetent. And yet, if he said jump she jumped. Markus was a tabloid blogger. He'd been doing it since he dropped out of college to pay the bills and his expertise was reposting unflattering images of superheroes with textbook libel written underneath. Given almost everything about the Avengers was under government hush-hush they couldn't do anything to clear their names but deny, deny, deny. Tony said he was going to send a cease and desist but that was at the dinner party Ultron made his first showing and that was the last she heard of the idea. She really fucking wish he sent it. Instead, when the Avengers unveiled their new recruits the press release mentioned something called Infinity Stones and that there were six of them. Markus then decided to make a post with no evidence about where they were. Four of them he got wrong but he claimed one of them was quote "still in New York after the battle of New York." God that idiot had no writing talent. Anyways, flash-forwards to The Blip, and now the broken clock was technically right. His blog blew up after the general public looked for any kind of answer to their questions about Thanos, only knowing he was responsible for Earth's first alien invasion. Lots of people found his blog and claimed that he had insider knowledge even The Avengers didn't have! So now Nat was on watch duty in case someone decided to snipe the genius who spelled Loki "Lowe Key."

"Watch duty" apparently included cooking for him, cleaning for him, and pretending to be his bimbo girlfriend so no one got suspicious of why she was always on his detail (obviously another one of his genius ideas). Markus claims all his wrong predictions were just to throw Hydra or the aliens (his words) off the scent of his good ideas (anything Natasha couldn't literally disprove like that the moon landing was to hide an Infinity Stone there or that Hydra was named that because there was a secret seventh stone). He also said that the "Buni" persona was an ex-girlfriend he actually had, just that none of his friends ever met so it was so much easier for Natasha to become her instead of pretending to be an imaginary girlfriend (yet Natasha still needed to buy over 3,000 dollars worth of bimbo clothes out of pocket because 'Buni' hadn't left a stitch despite the break-up just happening). And become Buni Natasha did. Her hair (including her eyebrows) was bubblegum pink and done in pigtails all the time, she took a double dosage of aphrodisiacs with every meal to "embody the bimbo" and replaced her phone so her only contacts were Markus, Sephora, and her pilates studio. The worst part though was probably the tattoos. She pushed and pushed for temporary tattoos but according to Markus those wouldn't do because "in your line of work you'll get wet often." He said it with a voice that said "sweat" but a smile that said "semen." So a portion of her undercover funding was set aside for laser removal for right after this nightmare ended. She got "ask me about my head" upside down on her neck, "slut doll" one right on her pubic mound, "these tits were made for fucking" in a line around her cleavage, "your dick here" down the side of her right pointer and "bend me over and fuck me silly" in large blocky text down her back with an arrow pointing all the way down to her crack. Markus couldn't provide a single image of Buni with these tattoos—or at all—but he refused to let her watch him without them and the public refused to listen to The Avengers on reconstruction efforts without him. So Natasha Romanoff was essentially dead until she could prove Markus was full of shit, and Buni the Bimbo lived on. The worst part? Not the multihour alarm clock blowjobs that made her jaw sore, or how she was a sex toy throughout the day, or how Markus swore Buni was mute but also didn't know ASL, or even how he was clearly a raging sexist who wanted all women to act like Buni. No, the worst part was, and she didn't know if it was her aphrodisiac-addled brain or that the Avengers never called her back or that Markus never stopped insisting on his tall tales even in private, but she was starting to doubt if he was even lying.