Mario On Serious Bullshit

Wednesday night, I had made it home to prepare a nice dinner for Mario. I prepared Hawaiian pineapple chicken tacos with fried rice and salad. We took turns cooking for each other during the week when we didn’t eat out.

I was getting used to being a girlfriend. Now, of course, we had our moments. I had been so used to being by myself and taking charge, I had to learn to soften myself. Notice I did not say, “weaken.”

There’s a difference between a woman walking in her divine feminine essence and allowing her man to do what men do, protect and provide. It not shrinking so a man can run over her.

I had to trust him. He had earned that from me. I saw so many beautiful qualities in him. He was kind. He believed in taking care of things around the house. He listened to me and valued my opinion and of course, he could fuck.

When he arrived, he kissed me, “Smells good in here,” he said as he headed to the table where the food was already waiting for him.

“I hope you like it.”

He sat and he prayed over the food. Earlier in the day my mother had called and asked me about traveling to Fort Myers for the holiday. My father’s family was having this huge dinner for my grandmother whose birthday was the Friday after Thanksgiving. I sat wondering if it was too soon to invite him to a family function. He also sat quietly like he had something on his mind, “Are you alright?” I asked with concern. I had never seen his energy that off.

He nodded, “Yeah, the food was so good babe. I guess I’m just exhausted.”

I nodded, “I can run us a bath and massage your scalp.”

“You would do that?”

“Of course.”

He smiled as he rose to his feet; he walked over to me and kissed my mouth, “I really do love you.”

“I love you too.”

That night, I ran a warm bath. Well, to me it was warm, he cried when he stepped inside, “Damn babe, what the fuck, are you trying to cook my nuts.”

I laughed, “It’s not that hot, sit down.”

He sat between my legs and I kissed his naked flesh. I had music playing low and candles lit. I rubbed his chest. “Lay back,” I said sweetly.

He was hesitant, “I should be behind you.”

“It’s okay babe, just lay back.”

“I don’t want to crush your breasts.”

I pulled him back, but he stood angrily, “Damn it Lelani, why do you do this?” He stepped out of the tub and started drying himself.

“What’s wrong, I just wanted to spoil you.”

“Nothing.”

I leaned forward and let the water out. As I got out of the tub, I saw him in the room putting on his clothes. “Are you leaving?” I asked confused.

“I can’t do this with you tonight.”

“Do what?” I asked as I walked over to him. I needed to look into his eyes to see what the fuck was up. His reaction did not make sense.

“I have to go.”

I nodded, “So just like that you’re leaving over something so innocent, you’re acting as if I ran over your dog.”

He shook his head, “It’s too much.”

“What’s too much because I’m not understanding. An hour ago, you were professing your love to me and now suddenly this is too much, what?”

“It’s just going too fast. It’s too much right now. Let’s take a beat.”

“A beat?” My whole heart was shattering in my chest. I fought back tears. My neck was hot. My throat had a lump. I knew if I spoke, I was going to burst into tears. I nodded and watched him leave.

As soon as I heard the door close, I ran to the bathroom and buried my face in the toilet. It had been a while since I felt that sick over a breakup. My mind couldn’t conceive what the fuck just transpired. Like, it made no sense.

Hurt. I lay in bed crying into my pillow. There was a reason I had not been in a relationship and it was that feeling. The fear of being heartbroken. Tormented. There wasn’t an inch of my townhouse that didn’t remind me of Mario. We had fucked in every room.

I needed to talk to someone. I called my girl Bethany that that lived in Ybor and asked her to come over.

When she arrived; she had ice cream, “I got Cold Stone Creamery,” she said as she stepped inside. Bethany was this Afro-Latina I had met years ago at a Puerto Rican festival and one of the reasons I loved Latin music and could speak Spanish, “Ay mamita, mira a tu cara,” she added as he hugged me.

I had mixed feelings about the ice cream. I wanted it, but I didn’t. My head hurt. We sat and talked. I explained to her what happened, her face was puzzled, she wagged her finger, “I swear sometimes Puerto Rican men be with the shits.”

I chuckled through my pain and responded, “Sometimes all men be with the shits.”

“Facts.”

“They probably say the same about us.”

“True.”

We shared a chuckle. It did feel good to laugh, which is why I called her. I knew she would make me feel better. She sucked her teeth, “I swear that shit is mad suspect.”

“I know.” My heart hurt I was truly in love and I was mad that I had allowed myself to think too far ahead. Maybe I scared him off.

She wagged her finger, “And don’t start that shit blaming yourself.”

“How do read my mind?”

“I know you. Plus, you know I’m a little clairvoyant. I have the gift of the ancestors.”

People often laughed when she said that, but honestly, I believed her because sis would tell me stuff and I’d look at her like, “how the fuck did you know that?”

And she’d smile, “It’s my gift.”

“I feel like a wide receiver that just received a hit out of nowhere.”

“I know. It fucking sucks when that shit happens. I can put a root on him. Make his cock shrivel to the size of a cocktail wiener.”

I laughed so hard. Like my petty was almost like, “yeah let’s do that shit.” But, I replied, “No. I can’t have you do that.” I wouldn’t do that to him. I did still love him. I was pissed, but I didn’t want to fuck with his genitals.

“Maybe we can go let all the air out of his tires.”

She laughed.

My petty was on that level. I wouldn’t break a dude’s shit, but I’d do some petty ass shit. For instance, after I found out Greg was married, I went into his office and turned all his books on the shelves backward. It was just my way of saying, “Go eat a dick.”

She left my place around one that morning. My stomach felt ill. That ice cream had me with bubble guts and nauseous. I ran to the bathroom. I didn’t know from what end it was trying to escape. Finally, after relieving myself, I managed to close my weary eyes.