Love or War

"So what is this, love or war?"

He paused waiting until he caught her eye. When she in turn looked toward him he spoke, "Easy answer, everything here tonight that I'm doing, that I've done, is born out of a love for you, wife."

Her eyes, facial expression mixed with the realisation, visible as it was, revealed the mental start his explanation had caused in her. For a nanosecond as she looked away from his gaze he saw sadness mixed into that look.

He was going to be firm with any talk they were going to have tonight as this last one was, that he had promised himself. They had stepped around each other for a while now, it had become a game, both of them trying new rationale to keep the other at bay, at arms reach to maintain control and in the stupid belief that if their relationship was temporarily shelved, well it was one less problem that had to be dealt with daily, there would always be time 'later on' to pull it off the shelf, dust it off and put it back in a prominent place. Trouble is it wasn't working, 'later on' was becoming an infinite position some where 'out there' and the work rate in their careers was still accelerating to the point of near exhaustion. They're both young and driven by passion both wanting the right for self discovery in their career path's and the intoxicating need to succeed, a trap no wily employer is ever going to discourage. He knew he was as much to blame, more so really he had always followed the idiom that successful careers need to be pushed as hard and as fast as possible, the challenge to be the best in the shortest timeframe was a game he hadn't given up.

Two things had bought him up short, well three actually, but that third one he didn't really want to think about, Frank Lorne was thirty-eight when he doubled over in front of his clients in his office, writhing on the floor as a result of a heart attack. Frank didn't have a problem with weight, he was a regular in the firms gymnasium and watched what he ate, he worked hard, noticeable by the fact he was quite often in his office beavering away when they went to leave and was there in the morning before the rest of them. Frank will recover, two stent's would make sure of that. He'd made a lot of progress in the last month although he was expected to be off work for a couple more weeks. He admitted only to himself that Frank's episode scared the begeezus out of him and bumped his reality enough that the second thing came along virtually at the same time.

When he had started his job with the firm, Frank Lorne was the prominent young star of the firm, newly married, twenty-nine years of age and looking at a partnership within the year. He had set the bar high and all who came after responded to that challenge. He knew the same thing occurred at his wife's place of work. What bought him up short when Frank had his heart attack was, that like Frank he was married, something that two-thirds of the others he was competing with weren't, in fact of the seven others in his department, two were devout bachelors, they had admitted as much, one was separated soon to be divorced and the rest had casual girlfriends. Somewhere in all of this he realised the married had dropped away out of the equation.

They had both made a pact that at the start of year eight they would start a family, they were both adamant about that, in fact she had been insistent that the thought of her working past year six was not going to be a known probability, he had put his arm around her and said, "Totally up to you hun, you decide, you'll know when that time comes along."

Year eight had come and gone and he hadn't noticed that anyway. They had not talked, he had no idea whether she had thought about it or not or had she and found a shelf for that as well.

In spite of everything he was really hoping that it hadn't gone so far that their relationship wasn't recoverable, well actually he'd decided from his point of view it hadn't, that was what tonight was all about. On top of that he knew that his wife despite everything else still loved him, that he knew and trusted and nobody was going to convince otherwise.

"Honey, the distance between us is increasing to the point we're becoming disjointed from each other. Honey, are you happy with our relationship? the way it is?"

The look on his wife's face went somewhere between anger and annoyance tinged with what? 'Was that a flash of red in her cheeks. Embarrassment, the way she looked away and down, embarrassment. Why? because it was true or because I had bought it up.'

'Okay so I made my point, I'll back off and leave it there.'

He turned his attention back to his wife's tired but pretty feet working both of his thumbs up the underside from heel, along the instep to the soles and then each of her dainty toes.

He could see his wife's eyes close as his ministrations eased the pain. He thought he heard her whisper something, he wasn't sure. "Pardon honey?"

She wasn't looking at him when a bit louder she spoke, "About us, I said you're wrong you know."