Like a smart ass

With my polite stance his aggressive approach puts me in the mood to mess with the guy. In only the slightest of challenging tones, "If you don’t know who I am, why should I tell you? Are you someone I should be concerned with?"

With a growing hesitation that has seeped into his voice, "I'm Matt, I have been dating Jamie for about two months now. Now, umm, who are you and uhhh, why are you naked in front of her house?"

I step from the shadows of the doorway and into the clear light of the top step, "I'm ..." I start.

"Oh my god, you're Mark Smyth. You play for the LA Kings." Excitedly Matt interrupts. His eyes have grown to the size of saucers as he takes a breath to collect himself and continues "But I don't get it, why are you here with you shirt off?"

A firm shot to my right kidney from behind drops me to my knees before Jamie pipes up, "Because he is my brother-in-law and I was helping him out after he had a rough bag skate today, when you sent your text."

"Damnit Jamie, I have a game tomorrow night, you trying to put me on the IL. Fine, you two have a fun night." I say with every attempt to hide the pain but not being very successful.

"Wait, can I have your AuGGHH..." Matt starts to ask but is quickly cut off as Jamie darts out to grab him him by his crotch.

"No, my brother-in-law is not giving you an autograph, game tickets, or any other memorabilia. He was just leaving."

Taking the hint but not wanting to let this bitch have the last word I firmly slap her on the ass and proclaim, "Anytime you want to rub my hard naked body down again just give me a call." And I quickly hop on back to my house and in the door before either of them could say another thing.