Let Aphrodite fill you in before you go nuts.

Aphrodite smiles a benevolent smile.

"Before booting up Earth 2.0., I ran a couple of test simulations with an associate of mine, who I shall henceforth refer to as 'Jeremy Bentham's Ghost'".

You've noticed that she likes that turn of phrase.

"We basically tried out everyone as a potential The One, and we found your world resulted in the highest overall pleasure to pain ratio. My Dad would kill me if He knew that was the sort of criteria I used, but... screw Him." Grace gasped in shock at this blasphemy.

"So..." you say. "You're saying that the world would be most pleasant with me in charge?"

"As far as dictators go, you seem to be among the most benevolent, or among the least malevolent at least."

You're starting to feel really excited right now, as you are reminded of some smutty stories you read online about a total nobody being granted ridiculous powers, and using them to get laid. But your conscience stops you there, and now you feel a pang of guilt accompanying your boner. You have to ask her a very important question.

"Aphrodite... or Mrs. Goddess, or... I dunno how to address you..."

"Just call me Aphro," she says.

"Very well, Mrs. Dite... I'm a bit worried that I might be tempted to use my powerful position for selfish reasons. This is a bit embarrasing, but... I've never... slept with a woman, or... even kissed one... I've barely gone on dates... if I were to encounter a pretty girl on the street, I would find it very hard to resist the temptation to just go over there and ask her to... y'know, kiss me..."

Both Aphrodite and Grace are now howling with hysterical laughter.

"Oh, you sweet summer child," Grace says, swiping the tears from her eyes.

"Look kid," Aphrodite says after she's back at full lung capacity. "All of us here know that you're thinking about asking women to kiss you in places other than your mouth. I'm the Goddess of Love, I can detect boners." Your face feels like it's gone fully red.

"Anyway, what's the worst thing that could happen?" Grace says now. "She gets on her knees and gives you an amazing blowjob?"

"B-but..." you sputter. "Isn't that wrong?"

"Considering the scenario, there are far worse things," Aphrodite says. "Seriously. Knowing you, you would get someone to fetch her a pillow first so that her knees were comfy while she blew you. It's kinda sweet."

You still are unconvinced, even though the temptation is strong. Aphrodite sighs.

"Look, we ran a shitton of simulations, a lot of which ended in disaster. I'm pretty confident that you'll do a good job. In fact, I'll explain you exactly why I think that."

"A lot of people we test, when picked as the leader, tend to fall into what Jeremy Bentham's Ghost called 'Type Alpha' or 'Type Omega' errors."

"Type Alpha are people who grow desensitized quickly by all the power and the pleasure at their disposal. Their empathy shrivels up completely and they end up turning the world into an ****, sadistic hellworld, with **** dungeons and all, just to feel something. Kinda reminds me of my Dad."

"Type Omega people, on the other hand, are so morally uptight that they can't bear the thought of controlling other people. Inevitably, they end up succumbing a few times to their 'base desires'. They also beat themselves up for being unable to solve all of the world's problems, despite their near-divine status. They either end up forcing people into mindnumbingly boring and flavorless lives - reminds me of my Dad - or usually, they just end up killing themselves, which is a pain in the arse if you ask me."

"I've researched you and you seem like you fall somewhere in the middle. You have your heart in the right place, but you have a dose healthy entitlement that makes you ideal for this job."

"You've... researched me?" you ask meekly. Your head is spinning with this new reality you find yourself in.

"Oh yeah, just to make sure the simulation didn't make a huge mistake. I took a gander at your internet history and such."

You grimace, but both Grace and Aphro laugh again.

"Don't worry, I'm not talking about the porn. And even if I was - you've got healthy appetites, so what? You just never got to exercise them, because of crippling social anxiety and an irrational fear of creeping out women. But no, what made me secure in my decision to choose you is the sheer amount of material you've looked up on how to please women in bed. Foreplay, communication, her anatomy, the G-spot, her erogenous zones, how to do cunnilingus properly, the different types of female orgasms..."

"All of this makes me think you're not a selfish lover, which makes you perfect for this job in my book: someone who will not only take pleasure, but give a lot of it as well."

You feel relief at the fact that the Goddess of Love has just validated your sexuality, and immense excitement at the prospect of making your wildest dreams come true.

"Just a few pointers before I unleash you on the world," Aphrodite says with a wink. "First, it's perfectly normal that you first have a period where you get things out of your system. Pure, lustful hedonism. People like you, who fall in the middle between the Alpha and Omega types, tend to later stabilize into something healthier, but don't feel to guilty about livin' it up in the meanwhile."

"Second, aside from the biochemical changes that make living organisms attuned to your desires, the details of which I won't bore you with now, no other aspect of the physical world changes. So you can't magically make your dick longer, or get rid of your refractory period, or other such nonsense. Frankly, what I'm giving you is already crazy enough."

"However, since you have a lot of influence on people's behavior, you have the potential to transform society in pretty dramatic ways. You probably can't fully solve world hunger - but you can make Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates give all of their money to the global poor. But that's a pretty big thing to start with - you might practice with smaller things first, such as gettin' laid." She winks again.

"Anyway, I reckon your time has come. I shall henceforth refer to you as 'My Custodian on Earth 2.0.' I am aching to hear your first wish. What's it gonna be?"

Grace giggles and leans forward, revealing a lovely bit of cleavage. "Yeah big boy... what's it gonna be?" she says in her deliciously husky voice. You drink in the sight of two divine beings eyeing you from each side of the bed.

Gulp. Choices, choices...