Learn more about the story.

This will be where I put all the stuff related to the lore of the story and the characters in it. Some will be in branch chapters that trail off from here. Now let's meet the poor assholes at the center of everything.

The Main Cast:

(The Narrator) 1st Lt. (First Lieutenant) John "Nature Boy" Smith:

A young man in his early 20's who like Warhammer 40k and got suckerpunched by a bad case of warp fuckery. One of the only three members of the team that can be considered competent and sane. Despite having never used a gun in his life (except for when playing FPS games) the Narrator got up to speed quick during Imperial Guard training and expanded his knowledge to include almost all other forms of weaponry in the Guardsman's arsenal during his tenor in the Darwin School of Veterancy. Also a bit of a horndog who develops an instant crush on Doc, a fast friendahip with Sarge, and a bond of camaraderie with the rest of the team that has him acting as the face of the squad during negotiations. Earned the nickname Nature Boy due to his constant references to animals as a way to describe enemy strategies and tactics plus his uncanny ability to sense changes in the weather through the wind.

Chaos Cultist-chan:

This...female...ummm uhh...entity is what happen when Slaanesh, Pinkie Pie, and Deadpool have a sexy party with all the and causing a ripple across the Immaterium. She claims to be a former Adeptus Sororitas psyker that through a chain of events involving Dark Eldar, the of her squad sisters, enslavement, , , a harrowing escape with an amount of tentacles so disturbing that every Japanese schoolgirl in existence felt it across the space-time continuum, and indoctrination while being healed by a group of Chaos Sororitas hospitaliers. There is also a belief that she is a new Chaos Goddess that represents the four Chaos Goddesses as a unified whole. Prefers to be called "Culty" as much as possible, but also responds to "Cuddles" (especially when Nature Boy is the one to do it).

Sgt. Gregoria "Sarge" Sergeant:

Sgt. Gregoria Sergeant, or "Sarge" as the rest of the team calls her is a woman who embodies an Imperial Guard NCO being just the right mix of an overworked single mother of multiple children, a drill instructor, and bitchy when the situation calls for it. Another of the three members of the team that can be called sane and actually good at their job. Hates having her how cute her glasses look on her mentioned and has decked more than on superior officer for saying so which is why she's still an NCO.

PFC. (Private First Class) Diana "Doc" Dawson:

The medic of the team and the last competent person not suffering from some kind of psychosis or problem keeping her hands to herself. Good friends (possibly even friends with benefits) with a Sisters of Battle hospitalier named Valerie and a quick study in terms of medical procedures, but tends to act like a first year med student when flustered and/or under pressure.

Pvt. (Private) Natalia "Nubby" Nubbs:

A silver tongued cutie, flirt, and kleptomaniac with a penchant for taking anything and everything that isn't nailed down or likely to be missed. Her theiving habits get the squad into firefights almost as often it gives them the ammunition they need to end them. Holds the unofficial position of quartermaster and is usually kept under constant observation by Sarge whenever possible.

PFC. Tanya "Twitch" Targovich:

Has a last name that says, "I am half Vostroyian, deal with it". Serves at the demolitions and explosives expert of the team, drinks recaff almost constantly, paranoid, absolutely terrified of orcs, and goes even nuttier when she hears that orcs are nearby. Twitch also has a collection of hand stitched plushies shaped like every explosive device in the Imperium (no doubt a few of them conceal the same explosive they are shaped liked) and she made them herself despite never learning how to sew...ever!

Pvt. Harriet "Heavy" Harrison:

The squad's heavy weapons specialist and a master in the art of sleeping with both eyes open. There are multiple squaddies that can tell of a time she got a full night's sleep while mowing down wave after wave of orc teams with reactionary fire from her heavy stubber. Used her field knife to carve the words "My husband, Harold" up one side of the barrel and down the other implying an...infatuation with the heavy stubber that would be expected from a tech priest rather than an Imperial Guardswoman.

Cpl. (Corporal) Kate "Kutter" K4659:

A former scribe for the Departmento Munitorum that found her calling as the melee specialist of the team after an orc commando raid led her to pick up a chainsword. Kutter's last name comes from her father who is a veteran soldier of the Corps of Kreig which may give some insight into her borderline berserk style of close quarters combat. Spars with John on occassion and has yet to beat him despite her best efforts.

PFC. Carolina (Carlos) "Crisp" Crispin:

The 40k equivalent of a transvestite, "she" prefers to be address with female pronouns and is very much into making "herself" look beautiful. Served as one of the regimental cooks and as part of a handful of soldiers trained in the use of a heavy flamer. "Her" entire team was wiped out and "she" fell into a deep depression as a result. John has noticed signs of suicidal tendencies beginning to manifest and has requested a psychologic examination and evaluation before "she" return to the field.

PFC. Tabitha "Tink" Tanner:

The unofficial science officer and tech expert of the group. Has a strong dislike of techpriests as she sees them as too dogmatic to be considered "true innovators of the future". Tink is the only member of the squad with the knowledge and skill to use a plasma gun, and she is a quick study with how to operate vehicles and other complex machines. Sometimes referred to as the "All Meat Techpriest" by the rest of the squad which she hates.