Just the hospital... but first, I need my phone

Staying on task, I walked awkwardly back to where I'd set my items down in Princess' dressing room earlier. She'd probably be finished changing by this point, meaning I could go back in and secure various pocket items I really ought to have kept better track of all along: my wallet, my phone, and my pocket-book, containing personal effects as well as my half-finished novels. They've all got bookmarks in them! If I lose those, I'll never find my place in those wonderful works again!

I knocked respectfully, but found the room empty. I won't lie; I was a little interested to know if that odd sailor skirt Princess wore was her actual wrestling gear or if her actual costume was a bit skimpier, but in this case, it worked out fine for her not to be around. This gave me the opportunity to find the clothes where I'd left them and place them up off the floor, along with my pocket book. I wished there was some sort of locker to stuff it in, but I suppose that was the tradeoff of Princess' private dressing room. At least nobody would barge in here to tamper with them... probably.

My keen detective's eye spotted Princess's sailor suit folded up and neatly placed upon the table. Aha! So she does wear something different! But then... why does she normally wear a sailor suit? I decided it must just be one of those eccentric wrestling personalities that they all effected.

With the room to myself, I grabbed my smartphone from my purse and called the hospital. With a gulp, I reminded myself this may be a proactive call in more ways than one... should I ask them, "hey, if I think I'm going to be torn in half in a wrestling competition today, can I go ahead and have a room prepped in emergency response to take care of me?" Probably not, but the mind did wonder. I watched my reflection in the mirror, frowning at my own ridiculous cowboy gear, until the person on the other side picked up.

I told them I was looking for a Desperado... an independent wrestler who checked in recently. Of course, they found that pretty strange. I didn't know the girl's actual name to ask for. When they asked me who was calling, I told them: her fill-in. They found that even stranger. Growing impatient, I informed them that I had to speak to Desperado because I was her sub in a high-stakes wrestling match! If they impeded me from doing that, they'd have the futa-division tag champion, The Princess, to answer to! Did they want the Princess to come down there?!

Surprisingly, that worked. The nurse went to carry the phone to the injured Desperado.

The other girl answered with a chipper voice. "Hello! Is this Desperado #2?" she questioned. I am ashamed to admit, hearing her sound so upbeat and unaffected made me furious! How dare she **** me into this situation for anything less than a full-on coma?! Still, I tried to remain respectful; I answered in the affirmative and then asked how she was holding up. "Ha ha! If you're my replacement, then you oughta worry about yourself. I'm doing just fine; you're the one who's in for a rough ride!"

Through with pleasantries, I growled into the phone. Princess and I both thought she'd been attacked! What did she mean she was fine?!

"Oh, well, it's easier if that's what Princess thinks. But the truth of the matter? Somebody paid me to sit this one out!"

If this was a detective novel, I would come up with a witty way to make her trip on her own tongue at this point. Instead, I just blinked dumbly behind my thick glasses, then asked into the receiver: "who?"

"Can't tell ya! That's between me and them."

The mystery still wasn't coming together. Desperado had probably been paid to sit out because whoever wanted to sabotage the match knew that Princess was too proud to take the money. But still... had the one who'd paid her off failed to account for the possibility she'd simply be replaced? That didn't make sense! Well, it made a certain amount of sense, but criminals were never that stupid in the novels. Though, it was slightly infuriating that the criminal may have made such a mistake while still maintaining their cover. I tried to go over the list of suspects inside my head, but it was difficult, considering there could be players in this game I didn't even know yet.

As long as I get a chance to think and nothing interrupts me-

"Ms. Hojo!"

I felt a sharp crack of somebody's hand against my butt! Ow! What kind of way is that to greet somebody?! I turned around to find the Princess smiling broadly at my irritated expression.

"You're staring into a mirror and you still can't tell when someone's sneaking up on you? What kind of a wrestler are you...?"

I'm not a wrestler!

The Princess scoffed at that, then crossed her arms. "And yet, you must become one. We don't have much longer before the match..."

Just then, I was struck dumb by two things. The first was the Princess's outfit... She'd redressed into what was ostensibly an even skimpier version of her regular outfit, with the same laced combat boots and gloves, but many other changes. The bikini on top held two triangles of black fabric over each breast with string ties and the skirt was actually elevated slightly away from her groin by the bulge or her (frankly, pretty large) futa parts... I tried hard not to stare, thankful for how my glasses managed to cover my eyes. Also, just as exciting: her abdomen! What splendid physique! She had just enough of that six-pack outline without getting that sort of alien look that professional bodybuilders get. I noted that she'd done her hair into two conical side ponytails and that she still wore the black ascot of her sailor suit, but not the modest shirt parts. Overall, I was very aware that my own penis was making a rally, coming back from the earlier defeat Hurricail had given it...

Oh, right! The other thing was much worse. What did she mean we didn't have much longer...? We're at the bottom of the card, right?

"Somebody paid to turn the match into a private, VIP viewing. The promoters are ecstatic... all they have to do is refund the tickets and in return, they've got access to a camera crew that will work pro-bono."

I grit my teeth and pulled at my hair. A camera crew?! So now it's televised?! I sighed and spoke out loud: "the only good news was there was no way Genkei could get an invite to that private viewing."

"..." Princess held one fist up to her smile, trying to avoid laughing out loud.

No way!! You're saying that perv is still in on it?!

"He's the one bank-rolling it, along with some of his collaborators. Friends of ODD. It seems he's really looking forward to your debut, Ms. Hojo... You should be proud."

I'm not proud of anything that's happened today! How am I supposed to get the match called off now?! I thought I was right on the cusp of solving the mystery, and now it didn't even matter! I grabbed the Princess's bare shoulders and shook. Didn't she even want to know why Desperado dropped out?

"... She dropped out? I'd heard she was injured. Elaborate."

... I suddenly felt like I might have done a real disservice to my predecessor. I quietly explained that the other Desperado hadn't been injured, she'd just been paid to sit this one out.

"Interesting. Ms. Hojo... I believe my former partner could use a bit of your work ethic. You've shown remarkable courage in joining me today; so much so that I'm prepared to make you into a permanent replacement for Desperado. Like true royalty, I have knighted you. Let's begin your transformation into a professional wrestler now, with the limited time we have left. I have one thing that I simply must impart to you before our match begins..."

I didn't even have the strength to argue about that "permanent replacement" part. I just wanted to know what else the Princess had for me...