Jez'ria

Luneth was, frankly, a little frightening: she never spoke above a whisper, and whenever she looked at you, she gave the impression of a hunter examining prey. Jez'ria was a little cold, but she had at least been human once. They had that much in common. Teysa resolved to speak to her.

When she was not leading trade caravans to the market, Jez'ria spent much of her time digging. Aliara had mentioned that she was mining in some of the abandoned caverns, and a brief conversation with a passing drider pointed Teysa in the right direction. She wandered through the warren, practicing in her head what she might say.

Hello Jez'ria. I wanted to know-- what was it like for you right after you Ascended? No...

Jez'ria, do you remember what things were like just after you become a drider? That didn't work either, did it?

She still wasn't sure what she was going to say by the time she heard the flinty sound of stone on stone from somewhere ahead of her. Jez'ria was unmistakable-- she was large, even for a drider, her human body bulky and muscular where the others were slim and delicate. Her facial features were cruder and thicker than the others. She wore no clothes, but had decorated her body with a number of piercings: rings in both ears, a stud in her lower lip, and bars through her nose and nipples. Her hair, short and jagged, was dark brown. She turned as Teysa approached and put her hands on her hips.

"Velcome, sister. I had heard the Matron uplifted you." She looked Teysa up and down, and her lip curled in a sneer. "Vhat's thiz? Clothez? You're spending too much time with that little princesz El'keth, I think."

This was not a promising start, but Teysa resolved to push on regardless. "Good morning, Jez'ria. I wondered if you might need some help?" She knew as soon as she spoke that she had made a mistake.

"Need? Pah!" Jez'ria's eyes narrowed. "I don't need anything. If you vant to help, you may, az long az you stay out of my vay."

"I shall do that, then," Teysa said. "Tell me, what are we doing?"

Jez'ria turned to stare at her. "Sifting through rock, looking for veins of ore," she said. "But if you don't even know that, then you didn't come out here to help, did you? You vant something from me. Nobody ever comez to see me unlesz they vant something."

There was no self-pity in her tone, only weary acceptance. She spoke as one merely stating a fact. Teysa took a moment to study her blunt features, the suspicion in her eyes. The fat silver stud jutting from her lip gave her a petulant look.

"How long has it been since you ascended, Jez'ria?" Teysa asked. "Do you remember your old life at all?"

Jez'ria snorted and tossed her head back. Her forelock flipped through the air. "Yearz and yearz, new fish. Yearz and yearz. A lifetime. Vhat is the point of thinking about that?" She planted her hands on her hips. "Are you having second thoughtz?"

"I never-- I never had first thoughts. I never asked for this." Teysa told herself it was foolish to feel intimidated. Jez'ria was slightly larger, but she'd fought minotaurs and demons in her human life. She could handle one rude drider. What scared her wasn't the thought Jez'ria might attack her. The thought of making herself **** to this sneering woman-- that gave her pause.

Still, she had come this far. She had to press on. "I just woke up like this, Jez'ria. And now it's like... I can feel my old life fading. Like it's a dream I had. Who was that woman? Was she me? Is she still in here somewhere?"

Jez'ria snorted. "What a waste of time! You can't turn back. Look forward alwayz, that iz the vay. That iz how you survive."

"Please!" Teysa could hear the weakness in her voice and hated herself for it. "What was it like for you? After you ascended?"

"Life got easier. Simpler. I follow the Matron'z orderz, and do az she bidz. I hunt and dig and fight. I survive."

"Is that all life is to you?" Teysa asked desperately. "Survival? What about the woman you used to be? Did she survive? Is there anything left of her at all?"

For a moment, she was sure Jez'ria was just going to snap at her. The other drider's brow furrowed angrily. Then Jez'ria sighed and seemed to shrink by a few inches. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. When she spoke, her voice was so low that Teysa had to strain to hear it.

"I come from Mount Thoom. The Neljuk people. You know them?"

Teysa did. The Neljuk wyrd-seekers were famous: wandering axemen and spearwives, descending from their icy home to seek their fate and fortune in the world. As a child, she had loved to be told the stories of Rignr the Barbarian, who was always slaying dragons and saving fair maidens. As a paladin, she had run across Neljuk warriors more than once, and found them as cold and inhospitable as the mountain from which they came.

"The name my mother gave me waz Jezerial. I slew an ice-bear at fifteen and wore its pelt. Jez White-fur, they called me after that, Jez Strong-arm, the spear-wed. I left in search of my vyrd at nineteen. For twelve yearz I vandered your soft green landz. I buried three loverz and one child."

"I'm sorry," Teysa said automatically. Jez'ria looked up at her and shrugged.

"You didn't kill them. It happenz. Life is hard." She paused, then went on. "I came down here after my son died. It vaz plague that took him. Hiz hair... he had hair like cornsilk. Like hiz father. He lived, but he left vhen our boy died. I don't blame him. Ve vere done vith each other by then."

"I thought I might find vyrd down here. You know the vord?"

Teysa struggled to remember. She had learned this once, from a half-drunk axeman who'd traveled with her party for a season. "Fate? ****?"

"More than that." Jez'ria's hands moved around each other in a complex dance, trying to explain the inexplicable. "Doom. Your destiny. It choosez you, but you can shape it. I vanted a varrior'z ****. Life iz short, but heroez live forever. That is vhat I vaz after. Immortality." She sighed. "It found me. The Matron came upon me vhile I was guarding a caravan. She slew the otherz, and brought me back. I am sure you can guesz vhat happened next." Her hand went to her stomach, and unconsciously Teysa made the same gesture.

"I bore three broodz before they uplifted me. More sonz, I remember thinking. There vas a broodmother... I forget her name, but she vas mad. Raving. She broke free, I don't know how, and rampaged through the cavez, killing any spiderlingz she found. She came upon me and set me free. I thought about escaping, but then she started to kill my brood. My children. I... could not let that happen. I strangled her vith my handz." She held them up and mimed throttled an invisible neck. "The Matron found me and declared I vould be rewarded."

Teysa's mind reeled. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but it wasn't this. "So... is this your wyrd? Is that what you're saying?"

Jez'ria shrugged. "Who knowz? I am not dead yet. But I am strong now, stronger than Jezerial vas. You must be strong, Teysa, to survive in thiz vorld. The veak die off. The Matron gave me the greatest gift there iz: the gift of strength. I can lift a bull aurochz, now, and throttle an ice bear like I did that treacherouz bitch. I answer to no-one but my chieftain. Nobody can tell me what to do. I vill not sicken and die, shriveled up in bed with pox-sorez eating my flesh. I vill die someday in such glory that they vill speak of me for a thousand yearz." She spoke matter-of-factly, without strong emotion.

"Do you ever miss it? Being human, I mean?" Teysa asked. "Do you miss your son?"

"He did not die a varrior'z ****, so he had to be born again," Jez'ria said breezily. "I vish him luck, but it'z not my problem. Other people can only hold you back. I see strength in you, Teysa, but it iz the strength of an ox who stepz villingly into the yoke. You let yourself be enslaved to otherz. That half-elf of yourz... she doesn't understand strength. Leave your old life behind. It can only hold you back. Once an egg haz hatched, why try to put the broken shell back together? It served itz purpose."

Silence fell in the cave. A million possible responses whirled through Teysa's head. When she opened her mouth, what came out surprised even her.

"What was your son's name?"

"Arvid." The response was so quick as to be nearly automatic. Jez'ria looked shocked that she had spoken. Her head whipped around and her eyes flashed. "You vill not speak of thiz to anyone, Teysa. Not even the Matron." It wasn't a request-- threat dripped from every syllable.

"I won't," Teysa said. "Thank you for speaking to me."

Jez'ria grunted. "Life iz hard. Thiz iz the truth ve learn early on Mount Thoom. You make it harder for yourself by fighting your vyrd." She turned towards the loose mass of stone on the floor in front of her. "Now, are you actually going to help me?"

"I will," Teysa said. "Show me how."

Side by side, the two driders set to work.