Jessica Simpson

Ms Tyler gets "Ben", Jessica Simpson's publicist on the phone.

"Hi, Ben?" she says into the speaker-phone. "I'm here with Dwayne. He is willing to meet Jessica and entertain her this weekend."

"Great, great," comes Ben's voice. "Dwayne, hi. Look, I just want to set some ground rules about this, okay? Jess will come see your game and you can meet with her privately, maybe for dinner. But it's not going any further than that," he warns sternly. "And I don't want to see any publicity. We'll bring our photographer, but nothing--NOTHING--public. Understand?"

I laugh. Hard.

"Pardon me?" comes his irritated reply.

"Listen, you PR fairy," I reply. "Y'all called me, see? So you want all these restrictions? Fuck you. I ain't no house negro!"

Ms Tyler gasps. "That's not it, I'm sure. Ben...?"

Ben's panicking now! "Listen, I'm sorry, we can negotiate this. Jess has been through alot lately, but she really wants to meet you, she's a big fan of yours..."

"So these rules be hers? Or yours?" I ask.

Silence from the speaker.

"Alright, bitch, let's negotiate. I see Miss Simpson on my terms. Period. You don't want this to be a public scandal already. Right?"

Ben is silent for another moment. "Alright, Dwayne, you win."

"Cool. Tell her to bring her Daisy Duke shorts."