I just wanted some takeout…

It started out as a Saturday just like any other... I was walking some Chinese food up to my flat for lunch, but when I was grabbing out my keys to get inside the building, I heard a sound behind me. When I turned my head around at the noise, I saw a Kangaroo staring at me from few feet away on the sidewalk.

“Umm… what the actual Hell?” I said, not knowing what else to do but stare. There was no way one of those animals lived on my continent. The kangaroo hopped a bit closer to me as I gawked at my off-day’s unlikely intruder, and then it grabbed hold of my pants.

“H-huh!?” I managed to shout before the animal yanked my jeans down to my ankles, knocking me and my chow mein onto the ground. I was still getting over the impossibility of there being a marsupial on my doorstep, but from my view on the stoop, I could now see a zipper on my pantser’s chest. Though pleasant to know I wasn’t being attacked by a real animal, that still didn’t explain what the hell was happening to me right now.

With a firm yank to get my pants off my legs, the ‘kangaroo’ stuffed them into its pouch while I kept trying to make sense of this moment, and hopped lazily off.

It was kind of an embarrassing shock to have my boxers briefs on display in broad daylight, but a much, much more awful shock was the realization that my wallet and keys were still in my pocket. The pants pocket that kangaroo was now beginning to sprint away with.

“Wait... Fuck! Get back here!” I shouted as I tore after it, cupping a hand over my crotch to keep the other people on my street from watching me jiggle. I mean, my package isn’t that big, but it’s not exactly small, and this street has way too many chuckling women on it to just run around without my pants on!

Several groping hands reached out to slap my bouncing ass while I gained ground on whoever was in that kangaroo suit; though it was embarrassing to run without pants on in broad daylight, I’m just glad I was in good enough shape too keep up with that perverted thief as they ran into the park. The alternative was losing my cards and phone.

At least one of my shoes fell off in the chase, but I ignored the loss because I saw the bandit hop around the shrubbery. Calling out for help catching this weird criminal, I ran blind around the corner and felt a rough tug on my crew neck collar, and then a cold breeze around my chest... looking around, I saw the kangaroo stuffing my shirt into its pouch, and my own body clad in nothing more than a skimpy pair of boxer briefs.

When I shrieked and covered my barely-clad body from the joggers and skaters watching the chaos unfold in front of them, the sound of a woman’s laughter came out of the kangaroo suit. I now knew that the person stole my clothes was a girl, and that she took real pleasure in seeing me humiliated.

Dammit…