I’ll play smart against the thief

If the thief had been male, I might have given myself super speed to catch up with him or ice-powers to freeze the path ahead of him. However, since I could mess with her directly, I was able to think of a simple trick that should be able to do the job. ‘Trip yourself and land on your hands. When your hands start itching, put them against your body until the itch goes away.’

I started running, trying not to waste the advantage I had created for myself. Not even a second after I began my chase, the thief ‘happened’ to put one foot in front of the other, and fell forwards. She had managed to save her face, and any other important body parts, by sacrificing the palms of her hands. A ‘decision’ she came to regret immediately, as she was now rubbing them in pain against her thighs while helplessly trying to stand up using only her legs.

To her credit, she almost seemed to have it figured it out by the time we were next to her. Not that it did her much good by that point. I picked her up as Regina grabbed the stolen purse. She was trying to break free, but my newly acquired strength had turned me into one mean hugger and I wasn’t going to stop holding her no matter what.

“Good job boss!” Regina congratulated me with a thumbs up and a pat on the back. “Now, let her go so we can do a trade.”

“Letting her go? Is that a joke?” And what did Regina even mean about the trade? Did she really want the person that had super-strength to carry a purse? I should have felt insulted.

“No, I’m serious. Mirage turning out to be a dude is a big bust, so we need to get you a lil bit of reputation by being the one who gives the purse back to the old lady. It won’t be much, but it’s something to start your hero journey. People will then know that you are at least good enough to deal with the average burglar.” Regina offered a very clever and sensible argument, which worried me. She hadn’t looked this interested in my goals beforehand, so she likely had a plan of her own. And I could make an educated guess on what she was planning.

“Considering how ‘touchy’ you tend to be, I guess you can understand why I’m not sure if I should give you our criminal.” I tried to dissuade her as politely as I could.

“Why are the two of you talking to each other like I’m not here?” The thief complained, having gotten frustrated from her inescapable fate.

“Shhh! Mom and Mommy are talking, we can discuss that latter; sweetheart.” Regina mocked our captured criminal before returning her attention to me. “Seriously, after having the full weight of a tiger crash on top of me, I’m not in the mood for that kind of stuff. And I seriously don’t want to get near him again if I can help it. Don’t worry, I’ll handle our friend here in a responsible manner.”

“Again! Still here! You can’t pretend like I’m going to shut up and act nice just because you stopped me from running away!” A certain someone kept whining.

The bandit has a point, I would require other methods to keep her quiet. It would hurt, but this needed to be done for the sake of my ears. ‘You won’t be able to make a scene until you’re not our problem anymore.’ It felt as if a lighter had been turned on around the ring, but the ensuing silence was well worth it. Even after making that wish, I was more than happy to dump the annoyance on Regina’s hands. “All yours” I told her as I grabbed the purse.

I expected them to wait for me, but I could hear their footsteps going in the opposite direction to me as soon as I started walking. The police station was more-or-less down that way, but Regina shouldn’t have been able to know that. Still, paperwork was one thing all heroes complained about, and something I had never bothered too much to learn how to do. So I didn’t feel like it was my place to complain if Regina decided to deal with that for me, at least for my first defeated badguy.

When I got back to Mirage and his mom, the old lady pulled me out of my thoughts with a tight hug that didn’t seem possible for someone her age. I returned the favor, being a lot gentler than she had been (since I could have probably snapped her back otherwise). “No need for payment, miss. I insist. It would set a bad precedent if I started accepting money on my first day.” I glanced at Mirage, who was trying very hard to be as far away from me as he could while his mom was still holding him by the hand. “Aren’t you a little old to be throwing a tantrum on the top of a tree?”

“Aren’t you a little new on the job to be delegating dealing with criminals to your sidekick?” He threw back, not willing to look me in the eyes as he did so.

“Touche.” I conceded, not wanting for this to turn into a back and forth. It seemed like the way a hero would deal with the situation. “Anyways, I have to go now. Please don’t let your son cause a disturbance like that again, police officers might be more liberal than me on what is an arrestable offense.”

As I turned on my heel and felt ready to go back home, I could hear the old woman talk to me one more time.

“What’s your name, young-lady?” She asked me, and only then did I realize that I was as unprepared on that front as I had been on the costume. Should I try to come up with one now? No, absolutely not.

“Don’t have one yet, I’m still new at this. Come around next week and I should hopefully have one by then!” I informed her as I waved goodbye and ran back to the apartment. Man, I had to have a serious creative session to figure out what my public persona should be. Otherwise, I’ll end up as ‘TBA: the heroine who wears whatever shirt is clean’.

Of course, I might have bigger problems than a lack of a heroic identity. For example, I could open the door of my apartment to find Regina happily smiling behind the thief. Whom she had tied up around a chair, and muffled with a pair of panties of dubious ownership.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”