Here come the Men in Black

6:43 am

"What the absolute fuck caused this? Acid attack?" a middle aged man in a blue suit and tie asked the woman in the white Tyvek suit, struggling to hold down the contents of his stomach as he breathed into his handkerchief. "Looks like they were melted and disposed of in this bog."

The investigator bent forward, closer to the remains filling the toilet. "Well, burn marks on the bones indicate the subject was completely melted by acid, possibly Hydrofluoric acid, which is one of the strongest acids known to man, but that doesn't explain all of this waste surrounding the remains," eyeing the excrement like material, taking mental notes. "This material looks like faecal matter and I have no idea how the two link together, as the implication of what I see before me is digestion, but I know that is not possible."

"You got me there. I'm gonna call the Bureau and get them to access all local security cameras in the area, see if that can give us any indication of what happened here," as he stood away and reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out his cell phone.

Just as he pulled it out and began to dial, he was interrupted by two sharply dressed individuals walking into the bathroom, wearing what looked like retro gas masks with a silver coating. Both walked almost in unison towards the middle aged agent.

"No need to make any calls sir, we've been sent down from higher up to make sense of this," the agent on the right spoke with a high pitched formal tone, sounding like a middle aged woman. "We can take care of this, thank you for time."

"Excuse me? Thank you for your time, what kind of crap is this?" he yelled back before coughing due to the overwhelming stench. "I got the call, this is my case."

"Orders from sector 7g pal. You best get to stepping," the agent of the right spoke in a cocky manner, sounding like a younger man, "before we remove you by ****. Now, don't make us repeat ourselves."

"B, no need for that tone, no one likes a cocky little shit." the female agent replied in a annoyed tone. "Apologies for my partner, he tends to overplay himself sometimes. I'm agent P," she said, extending her hand to the man.

Eyeing them both in a suspicious manner, the man slowly took her hand and gave it a firm shake. "Agent Johnson. The lovely lady in the Tyvek suit is Crime scene investigator Melanie Johnson. No relation," as he pointed in her direction.

"Now, bring us up to speed on the situation Agent Johnson." agent B asked him as he walked to the cubicle where Melanie was photographing the remains, peering in to stare at it. "Oh man, that is grim," B whispered to himself.

"A call was made a woman at 12:27 am by a hysterical woman, claiming to have discovered human remains, so a police unit was dispatched to investigate, arriving at 12:35 am and upon discovering the remains, CSI was soon dispatched and the Bureau was called, requiring assistance, so I was sent." agent Johnson explained to the two of them, looking from B to P. "Miss Melanie believes the victim was dosed in Hydrofluoric acid, but cannot make sense of it."

"It does not explain this excrement surrounding and covering the remains," Melanie said to B. "It has the signs of digestion, but that is impossible."

"Don't worry about it Miss Melanie, we can take it from here and you can go home and enjoy the rest of your day," agent P said as she pulled her shades from her pocket and put them on "and you Mr Johnson can go back to the Bureau and work on a different case."

"What the hell are you talking about Mi," Johnson being suddenly cut off as he and Melanie were neuralyzed by Agent P, with a neuralyzer.

"If the two would kindly step outside and speak with our partners, it would be appreciated," agent P kindly asked the two of them.

Both Johnsons blankly nodded and walked to the exit.

"I see your manners are starting to improve B, looks like your finally listening to me," P said as she walked to the stall door. "Your finally showing signs of Intelligence"

"Just following your example P, becoming the best of the best." B responded sarcastically, joining her at the stall door. "It's digestion isn't it?"

"Yep, looks like the victim was digested alive and released when the process was finished. See the burns on the bones and lack of blood. Total Digestion."

"Poor bastard, coming out of some aliens ass, SHIT way to die." B sniggered a little at his awful pun.

"You really a sick fuck aren't you B. I keep asking myself why I chose you in moments like this," she responded in a formal but sarcastic tone, smiling a little at his corny pun.

"I do my best P."

Both exited the bathroom and slowly removed their masks.

(Agent P based on Lisa Kudrow and Agent B based on Nat Wolff from his appearance in The Stand Tv series.)

"We got a set of human remains, possibly male, a victim of digestion and disposal," P said to the clean up agents. "Bag it and take it back for analysis."

"Yes Ma'am. Also, the footage from the cameras has been downloaded and is ready to view," the agent responded formally. "All on here," as he handed here a tablet."

"Thanks G, we can always count on you," B responded charmingly.

"Always happy to help B," he responded.

"Quit being a tool B. Now let's see what creature is responsible for this mess."

5 mins later

The two agents sat in the front of their saloon car, the tablet placed on the dashboard, as they watched the footage taken.

"There she or it is." B said and pointed to the woman approaching the toilets. "Damn, she is pretty good looking."

"Didn't know man eaters were your type B. Although I always had you figured a kinky little shit." P responded sarcastically. "You can see a distended lump protruding from its dress, indicating a full stomach with our victim inside. Its dress indicates it is attending a social convention, possibly the nightclub. It is disposing of the victim to avoid drawing attention to itself."

"Well then P, off to Missions we go. One of the trashiest clubs in this area, but still holds a place in my heart."