Handling Grief

Barker and Alice made their way into the infirmary trailer, and true to James's word, the place was in a hell of a state. It seemed as though it was the one location in the camp that was genuinely ransacked during the evacuation, which could have made sense to Barker if the food had gone as well. Yet, it was only the medicine, and from the looks of the place, it was something in particular, not just anything worthwhile. "Someone tossed the place." Alice gave her red puffy eyes a final wipe as she looked around, "Definitely looking for something."

Barker's brow raised; he hadn't expected Alice to come to that same conclusion, "What makes you say that?"

"Once at the hospital, we had a break-in," Alice began to explain while she knelt down and began to gather scattered pill bottles in her hands. Barker quickly followed suit, picked up fallen tools and a small black case, setting it on one of the lower shelves. "Our medical closet was utterly tossed, and we figured whoever it was, stole so much, but Doctor Stevens knew better. He took a look at the room and realized someone was looking for something, not just stealing whatever they wanted. It didn't take him and the other doctors long to figure out it was a newer patient suffering from addiction."

Barker grabbed a small tray and began to put an assortment of instruments into it while Alice gathered up a scattering of papers, "Sounds like a smart man." Alice's lips curled at the soldier's compliment.

"He was..." Alice's smile drifted away, "He was an incredibly gifted man with the softest heart I'd ever seen." The two stood back up, and as they set their items down, Alice's face tightened, "A brilliant, kind man who wanted nothing but to help people, and those monsters took him apart just outside those doors."

"Alice," Barker tentatively exhaled, "I'm very sorry for your loss. It's not fair; none of this has been fair. Great people, innocent people, good people. They've all been taken far before their time."

The blonde nurse sniffed and looked over to Barker, "You know, back when this first started; the hospitals were getting swarmed with people. The infected. The military was pulling the doctors out, and others were bolting. But not Doctor Stevens. He stayed until he was the last man in the building. He didn't want to leave people who needed his help. I had to protect him...I...I didn't think I had it in me, but I killed a lot of those ghouls out there to keep that man alive."

Barker shook his head, taking a step forward and looking at Alice sternly, "Alice. You didn't kill them. They're already dead."

"Hard to argue that with yourself after you've killed three of your regular patients." Alice merely retorted before her lower lip quivered, "Everything I did and tried to do to keep him safe...in the end, it didn't matter. They got him anyway. I should have made him go first. This was my fault." Alice finally broke down, cupping a hand over her eyes, "It's all my f-fault. I c-could have protected him."

"Alice, no." Barker's tone was sharper than ever, "You can not do that. This wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. We all did what we could, but there were too many of those things. You start blaming yourself now; you'll never get that off your shoulders."

"He was an old man, Barker; I should have made sure he was safe first, not myself." Alice shamefully replied,

"I know it's hard; when you look back, you think about all the other ways things could have gone down. What you could have done better, what you could have done differently, but in the moment...you didn't have a choice, Alice." Barker's tone softened, and he rested a hand on the nurse's shoulder, "What happened, happened; but you owe it to Stevens to keep going. To survive. That's how you honor him. Surviving is how we honor all of the people we lost." Alice's lower lip trembled, and the woman suddenly slammed herself against Barker's chest, squeezing him tight in an embrace.

The soldier's brow raised, and his arms hovered about the blonde's body with uncertainty, "I hate this...I hate this whole fucking world now. Last month I was worrying about rent, not fighting for my fucking life! I'm not ready for this, Barker!"

Barker's eyes softened once again as he felt her now trembling; he gently rested a hand on her back, "No one is ready for this. I'm not, Marcus isn't, hell...even that old man, Mike, isn't ready for this shit." He lightheartedly returned, "But we're still here, right?" Alice lifted her head, staring up at Barker, who tried to give her the best reassuring smile he could muster, even if he wasn't sure the crock he was spilling was helping the poor girl. Then suddenly, Alice pushed up, and in a wild move, she planted her lips on his. It was ****, confused, and clearly coming from a place of looking for some kind of comfort. The younger soldier quickly brought a hand up to her face and pulled away, "W-Whoa, Alice, what are you doing?"

"I -- I don't know...I was -- I just needed --" Alice stumbled back, her wet blue eyes dimly blinking a few slow times.

Barker shook his head slowly, "Alice, this isn't going to make you feel better, and I'm certainly not going to take advantage of you when you're like this."

Clarity started to fill the nurse's eyes, and she took a quick step back, "O-Oh my God. I am s-so sorry, Barker, I was -- I'm not the type to --"

"It's alright, really," Barker held up his hands, attempting to calm the woman, "We can forget it. Chalk it up to an accident and move right past it."

His words fell on deaf ears. "Fuck...what's wrong with me?" Alice hissed under her breath, and then without another word, she turned and ran from the infirmary trailer. Barker followed her out the door, but as she hit the ground, all but running away from him with a now burning red face, Barker merely cupped a hand over his face, exhaling heavily before heading back inside.

The soldier shook his head, reaching down and sitting the toppled medical bed upright with a grunt, "Fucking idiot, I shouldn't have scolded her like a damn child. What was I thinking?" He muttered to himself, only to jump as he heard the door open behind him. Turning around, he found not Alice but Ivey stepping inside. "Oh...um, everything alright with the radio? James need me?"

"What was that," Ivey's words were hard, "Why did she just run out of here."

"Huh?" Barker felt a small pit form in his stomach, "You mean Alice?" Ivey's eyes narrowed, "Shit. Hang on. It's not what you're thinking."

"You see a woman go running from a soldier after he got her alone in a room during the middle of the apocalypse. Tell me, Barker. What would you think happened if you saw that?"

Barker grimaced, "O-Okay, just hold on here. Let me explain. Nothing like that happened. I was talking to her about her friend, the doctor who died out by the gate. She was very upset and..." Barker hesitated for a moment, thinking over how much honesty was worth in this situation, but something inside him told him to give it all. "And she kissed me, but I stopped her. I swear. I didn't do anything to her. It was just a moment of grief...desperation even. It was an accident. I probably could have handled it better, but I think I made her all the more embarrassed by it. So that's why she ran. Honest to God."

Ivey stood unmoving for a moment; a pin-drop silence lingered between the pair with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Barker could see the wheel's turning in Ivey's head, the way she was sizing him up, reading his face, dissecting his words. "Okay." The word left the redhead's mouth with such simplicity that Barker couldn't believe it.

"Okay?" He echoed.

Ivey nodded, "You're telling me the truth. I can tell." Ivey easily replied, his body relaxing, "I'm sorry I bull-rushed you like that, but with everything else going on, I wasn't about to deal with something assaulting the women in here."

"I wouldn't allow that either, believe me." Barker quickly assured while letting out a long-held in exhale. Ivey let out a small laugh through her nose, and Barker returned with a half smile, "Sorry, I was -- I really didn't think you'd just believe me like that. Kinda thanking God, you did."

"Well, I've dealt with my fair share of liars, trust me. I know when someone isn't telling me the truth. But you were straightforward and a little nervous, but you kept looking me in the eye. Plus, with something like that, most of them wouldn't have admitted to even sharing a kiss."

"Guessing you were a cop."

"Journalistic reporter," Ivey corrected,

"Seriously? I saw the way you used my sidearm out there earlier; you were hitting shots left and right."

"Because I spent more than my fair share of time at the shooting range practicing. You don't follow the type of leads I followed without being able to protect yourself. Firearms and personal defense training were something I took upon myself, and I made sure that I was as capable as possible, and it's come in handy more than once way before all this."

Barker's brow raised, "Impressive. I'll admit the way you carry yourself, you might be one of the only people around here not scared."

"You saying you're scared?"

"All the time," Barker honestly replied, "Who wouldn't be during all this shit."

Ivey smirked, "Could have fooled me; you didn't flinch when you found the place empty, just put us all to work and calmed us down."

"Well, fear can quickly turn to panic. Keeping busy helps hold that off."

"I agree." Ivey looked around and moved to a fallen medical table, setting it up, "Let me give you a hand."

"Thanks...um...crap...I'm sorry, but I forgot your name."

"Don't worry about it. Ivey Page."

The two took a step closer to one another and shook hands, "Ryan Barker."

"Ryan, huh? How come your last name? Is that just a military thing?"

"No, I've just gone by it all my life."

"Really? And why's that?"

"Long story, one I don't usually like to tell."

Ivey hummed, "Well, Barker, you'll find out pretty quick that I'm quite good at getting information out of people."