Fuck thine neighbor with your mouth

Shakespeare climbed down off the cross. His splintery balls ached from the fierce orgasm, but mostly from the huge fucking splinters.

The holy nail that the Bard had been using as a butt plug began to work itself out, and fell to the ground beneath him with a resounding THUMP.

"Now, my child, let me show you the future of my church."

With a flick of his waist, Jesus' ragged cloth undergarments fell to the ground.

The biggest black cock Shakespeare had ever seen hung in the crisp desert air. This would inspire him to write Othello.

"May you serve as an icon for altar boys for millennia to come!"

Shakespeare took a step toward the messiah. He opened his virgin mouth and swallowed the kosher roast.

"MMmfmfmfgagrggmgmmgmrgmgmrgrgdffgfmgm," is the closest transcription of Shakespeare's next line. He went to town on that Jew.

"Oh, oh yes! Meeeee, meeee, yes, oh me," Jesus moaned.