Don't try to fool with all that, just stick it in.

I feel you step closer to me, aiming your dick at my bottom. I feel the swollen head of your hard cock press against my... butthole?!?! Whoa, John! Not an entrance!

I'm looking back at you now to inform you of what I assume is an honest mistake, "Whoa, hey, John. Wrong hole, dude. That is not my pussy."