Do nothing.

Alley gathers together your papers and explains various leaflets to you in an obviously bored voice. You are still wondering whether to make a pass at the pretty but aloof brunette, when she hands you the bag of paperwork, saying: “That’s your timetable. These are your room keys. Lectures begin 9am tomorrow. And would you like to rub my tits for me?”

“Wha..?” you inquire. You hear some laughter from behind you.

“I said, ‘would you like to rub my tits for me?’” repeats the pretty brunette, pulling open her blouse to reveal a lacey white bra beneath.

“I… er…” You look around you in confusion. Behind you, the other first year students are grinning, but look equally puzzled. Across the hall a group of young men, who might be either science geeks, or star trek nerds, or more probably both, are loudly chuckling whilst playing with some kind of TV remote.

Suddenly Alley gets to her feet.

“Is there anybody here who wants to rub my tits?” she loudly proclaims.

There is much nervous laughter, but nobody moves forward. A clean-cut young man, dressed in the college colours, steps anxiously forward.

“Alley, honey, you OK?” he enquires.

“Fuck you, Derek, you pencil dick,” Alley responds, to loud guffaws from the geeks across the hall. “I want a real man… Or, maybe a woman.”

“Hi honey,” she continues, stepping up to a blonde student, two places behind you, “Do you fancy a bit of girl on girl action?”

“I… er… no!” retorts the blonde, stepping back, almost as confused as you were. As she steps back, you notice that one of the science geeks has crept up behind her. He taps her on the shoulder, before running off again. The blonde almost turns to see who was there, but instead looks back to Alley. Flashing a pearly white smile, she continues with: “I mean, sure, I’d love to.”

“Peachy keen,” replies Alley, not nearly as taciturn as before. “Lets go and braid each other’s hair and play with our tits.”

“That would be swell, Alley,” replies the blonde. “And afterwards we can lick each other’s cunts and use dildos and shit.”

With that the girls link arms and skip out of the hall, leaving a queue of bemused first years and Derek weakly calling one of the other official-looking students to cover Alley’s place.