Didn't. Got Killed. (The End) (Joke Ending)

"Wait, so... who killed you?" Asked the second ghost sitting on the roof of the decaying gas station next to me. The guy wasn't too bad once you got to know him, and it wasn't really his fault to be the first victim of the mysterious hitchhiking killers.

"No idea. Figure that's why I'm still sticking around this crumbled down cabin up the ways. Shallow grave in the back yard, and the body's all there, so... if you want to try to figure out what I'm supposed to be here for, be my guest."

"Don't you hate that? I had hoped we'd at least get a manual or something." Mike shrugged. "Half the time I keep hoping somebody will come along and fix up my car. You know? Give me a reason to get a ride out of here. Ever since they closed the highway though, nobody bothers with em. Gas trucks don't come by..."

"It's a great view though. Lotta ghosts don't get a view like this. Considerate of em."

"So, your wife's not around here?"

"Nah. Figure she got away. Knew there was a reason she liked that Wachowski brother's movie so much."

"Oh, the one with superhero in a dress?"

"Nah, the earlier one... the one with the lesbian threeway."

"Oh yah, right I know the one. Hot brunette's in bondage stuff... " Mike paused, his foot swinging on the awning. "Flying isn't as cool as they made it out to be in the movies."

"I like it." I remarked, "Maybe one day I'll figure out why I'm still sticking around here. I want to leave, but... every time I hit the Carmel exit, I just gotta turn around."

"Hey, you know we could always head down to the restaurant and talk with the old timers... if you're bored."

"No thanks. We've got afterlife seniority, and I don't give a shit if it's only five days. They died just like we did, and they had forewarning on the news." I snorted, thinking about the group of quite happy RVing ghosts that haunted this particular stretch of the Pacific Coast Highway. They liked to lord it over anyone's area they were passing through, quite happy that their focal points allowed them free access to all of the great roads. As long as they lasted anyway. Seems these days they were having trouble with missing bridges, and taking the long routes was not quite their idea of heaven.

"So... was thinking about heading up to the campsites and having a little fun tonight." Mike grinned at me. "You have any idea how many gals have the Casper the friendly dildo fantasy?"

"Dude... you're gonna be eighteen forever, aren't you."

"Hey, live forever, never eat, never shit, and the ability to possess small inanimate objects. I'm in Heaven. Just wish more girls would come around here."

"You also don't learn." I remarked, pointing to the arrow that protruded from his forehead. "Or are you going to go with that been around since the old west story again when you manifest?"

"Oh come on! That story about being murdered to frame the local Indians is Catnip to the gals around here. I get to be the sensitive cowboy..."

"Please... ugh... not another story about one of your foolproof plans. I'd rather try to get into one of Gary Gygax's D&D campaigns."

"Who?"

"Don't worry about it. Ran into him with one of the convoys a while back, and he seemed to think everybody wanted to play with him. Enthusiastic, I'll give you that, but way too into fireball shooting flaming swords for my taste." I shrugged.

"Well..." Mike stood, looking out on the setting sun. "I'm up. Gonna try to inspire somebody to fix up the car again. Think I saw a scavenger band, and they gotta be interested in a high speed machine."

"You have fun with that. Think I'll putter around the cabin again for a while. Relive a few memories."

"Doesn't that ever get old?" Mike remarked. "Move on man. Give up on it. It was never going to happen."

"I can't believe that, Mike. I still don't think anybody's ever going to want your piece of shit until you get rid of the truck nuts on it too, so... we're probably not going to agree on this one either."

"Ok, well, I might head up to the crash site."

"They scream too much." I replied, shaking my head. "Seriously man, I'm glad you can have fun up there. Just... I can't get past the gruesome crash victim appearance."

"Most of em can control how they appear... well, until..."

"Yeah, you don't care if they come, I know. I do. Have fun, seriously." I was actually kinda lucky how my form looked compared to the rest of the ghosts around here. **** by suffocation leaves a surprisingly pretty corpse. The only downside was that I'd died in bed, naked, and as a result... only manifested clothes when I concentrated. That had been extremely annoying, I must say. until I'd figured out the trick.

"Heh, well, maybe you'll get lucky and a lonely romance novelist will show up."

"Hey fuck you man. I didn't pick how I died, and neither did you."

"Oh, I mean you fell for it. It had to be one of the girls, right?" Mike pointed at me with a grin. "I mean, it's not like a movie, where a random serial killer comes along and only kills off guys. It had to be one of the girls, or ALL of them, and that's why they survived."

"Maybe... just... you didn't see the place when I first realized I was still here. Place looked like it had been ransacked."

"So did the gas station. So did a lot of places, Brent. Shit was going down, remember? Somebody shot me in the head with an arrow, and the only person I know of with that going on you described. So... I know who killed me. "

"You're making assumptions. If it was that simple..."

"Stop trying to be Sherlock Holmes. If you were meant to figure it out, you wouldn't still be here, dude. So... there's this one gal... little on the chubby side, but get this... she died of a heart attack watching her family die right in front of her..."

The End

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