Confessing to Valerie

"Thank you for breaking fast with me this morning, Valerie. I know that during this festival, there are demands on your time, even more than upon mine."

"It is hardly a burden, Xavier. We've both had so much to do of late, I was starting to miss you even though I see you every day. More tea?"

"Please."

Valerie reaches across the table with the silver pot and refills your cup, which is much plainer than the rest of the crockery; it is a simple vessel made of glazed clay, with the image of a blacksmith's hammer etched into one side and a crown upon the other. It was a gift from one of the village children, and not only do you find it charming, it actually keeps the tea warm for much longer than the elegant crystal cup you used before. "So, what is on your mind?" Valerie asks nonchalantly.

"What makes you think I have troubles?" you ask.

"Well, aside from the fact that you woke me up with your screams before dawn," she says, raising an eyebrow at you, "you have also dismissed the Kingsguard so that we might be truly alone."

"I had an excellent reason for dismissing Sir Magnus; he was needed in the Great Hall."

"Which was convenient, but you still have something you want to say to me."

You sit back, sipping the tea. "There really is no point in trying to be even the slightest bit devious with you, is there?"

"None. But feel free to continue trying, it's rather cute."

You put the teacup down. "Valerie, I know that this goes without saying, but what I confess to you now must not go beyond this room. It is a personal matter, but the consequences if anyone else found out would be... well, I don't want to think about that."

"What is it?" she asks, looking more concerned.

"To begin with, yesterday I visited Talaitha. You know of whom I speak?"

"I have heard of her," Valerie nods. "I did not think you gave much credence to fortune-tellers."

"Not as a rule, thanks in large part to Duncan's teachings. But, I also feel that I should occasionally experience these things for myself, and make my own conclusions."

"If what I hear is true, Talaitha offers quite an experience," Valerie says, her eyes twinkling.

"Granted - but that was not why I went to see her, in particular."

"You need not explain yourself to me, my love. Given the opportunity, I might have wished to visit Talaitha myself!"

"Let me continue, please, for this is not in and of itself what I needed to speak to you about," you say. "I asked Talaitha to tell me of my future queen - not because I thought she could actually give me useful information about it, but just because I had to ask about something and it was the first thing to occur to me. She said there were many women who might be Queen, and gave them names - a Maid of Fire, a Maid of Water, that sort of thing. It was left to me to choose one, and I chose the Maid of Steel."

"Who do you think she might have meant by that? Assuming, of course, that she wasn't just making it up."

"I am quite certain that she was not consciously inventing what she had to say," you insist. "That is not to say that her power is genuine, but I don't think she was lying - I felt very strongly that she truly believed what she told me, even if she has no real power other than a vivid imagination and a healthy dose of woman's intuition. But when she went into further detail, it seemed to me that the 'Maid of Steel' refers to Lady Trina."

Valerie gulps her tea down hard, opening her eyes wide - it is an unusual sight, as she is not easily surprised! "She said that Trina was destined to become your Queen?"

"Actually, quite the contrary. She said that if I were to pursue this Maid of Steel, only disaster and calamity would follow, and that she most definitely would NOT be Queen."

Valerie shrugs. "Oh. Well, that's rather strange. Most fortune-tellers don't prophecy such things, it's bad for business."

"Which is one reason why I do think Talaitha believed what she was saying; she was actually quite terrified that I might react badly do it. In any event, that should have been the end of it. Except..."

"Yes?" Valerie says at length.

"Well, to make a long story short... I find that I'm seeing Trina in a whole new way."

You expected Valerie to react again with surprise, but she does not; instead, she shrugs and sips her tea some more. "Well, it's not like Lady Trina isn't a rather stunning woman, to say the least; any man would find her so. And to be sure, she does put on a mask of stoic ferocity, but those close enough to her to see beneath it would see a woman of great value. You do realize, of course, that she prefers the intimate company of other women."

You know differently, having been told by Trina herself that she also finds men appealing... but to say so would venture into speaking of matters which you promised not to.

"I take it, then, that it was of Lady Trina you dreamt last night?"

"It was. And I won't deny the dream was quite erotic... but as you saw for yourself, also quite frightening. Whether Talaitha's prophecy holds water or not, there certainly WOULD be consequences should I choose to act upon these newfound feelings."

"It would be Trina herself who would suffer the brunt of those consequences," Valerie points out, "as I am sure you are aware. Xavier, I believe in following one's heart, but it seems to me that you cannot be sure of what you feel. You do not truly know Lady Trina, after all; you know only the mask which she has presented as one of the Kingsguard, sworn to her duty. But..." Valerie's eyebrow raises slightly, "do you, in fact, know her better?"

"Suffice to say... I have had a glimpse of the woman beneath the mask."

"Then, it may be that what you feel is real," Valerie says, "but I sense that you have not seen enough of her to be sure." She shakes her head. "I cannot say what you should do, Xavier, but you must decide what course to pursue; an uncertain heart is a weight no one can bear for long. You can either close your heart to these feelings, or allow them to grow. But if you would choose the latter, you owe it to Lady Trina to let her make the choice as well."