Celestial Casting: Angelica Celeste

Angelica Celeste, Celestial Casting's cranky old secretary, was in hell.

Usually getting paid triple for what was usually a cushy job that any idiot with a voice and a pulse could do was fine but today was a fucking nightmare. Every loser chick in Tinseltown had shown up for this stupid cattle call dressed like a fucking hillbilly and were all stomping around shouting their dumb lines.

Worse yet, they were bothering her with stupid questions easily fucking answered by the big sign on the desk. If there's one thing she hated, besides these little bitches thinking they were better than her, it was being bothered. Christ, she hadn't even had time for a damn smoke break since they'd opened the doors there were so many of these fucking talent-less cows. Sure, more clients meant more cash she could squeeze out of her shithead brother Paul, the CEO, but no amount of money was worth this headache. If just one more of these little twats bothered her, she'd-

"Um, hello! I was just, like, ASSAULTED!" yelped some annoying twatwaffle right on cue.

"Celestial Casting, hold please." she grumbled into the phone before turning to the short brunette with long, mussed hair who was wearing just blue daisy dukes, open toe red sandal heels and what looked to be a Confederate flag bikini top. The latter was hard to say because she had an arm draped across it or, rather, what was left of it. She was trying to cover her considerable boobs with one arm and failing because it looked like the top had just given in to what looked like an inevitable **** from overstress, the middle string snapped clean in two.

"Uh, did you hear what I said?" the girl said gesturing at her like she was fucking deaf. Christ, the nerve of these ditzes. "Some crazy huge bitch just grabbed me and threw me out before storming into the director's room with a KNIFE! And she didn't even, like, let me finish my audition! You GOTTA call the cops!"

"Heh." was all Angelica said in response, her annoyance at least slightly tempered by the hilarious idea of some maniac with a knife going in there and ending casting auditions real fucking quick before registering the young woman's frown.

"I mean, oh, no, you poor thing." she amended, both quickly and obviously insincerely before adding with a once over, "Huh. You don't look like you've been in much of a fight there to me, short stuff, much less a knife fight. And the people in that room got a direct line to security themselves, so if there was any real trouble, I'd already see our security guards running in."

"You think I'm LYING? Omigod, I'm telling you the TRUTH!" the girl said, looking offended and, much worse, increasing her already shrill volume, which given her high pitched voice was like hearing a tea kettle go off. "Look what happened to my top! She's DANGEROUS!"

Another gal - the olive-skinned one with more muscles than some of her sugar babies and really unfortunate fucking eyebrows who'd been wearing a damn hole in the carpet while shouting her lines all morning - suddenly jumped in too.

"If she's talking about that . . . giant who just stormed past, I can vouch for that. She threatened me with a knife as well!" the woman agreed in low, nervous contralto with a hint of an accent, arms folded as she approached the desk and joined the other woman in solidarity.

Great, now this Roid Queen was chiming in. Angelica swore under her breath. Why couldn't these whiny fucking millennials take care of their own shit? She once saw Morgan Fairchild stab someone with a shrimp fork at a cocktail party just for looking at her date too much and now everything was "Boo hoo, come help me wipe my own ass or I'll cry about it online in a selfie." This town had gone to such shit.

She fixed them both with an uncaring glare.

"This is Hollywood, you two probably got fooled by some prop knife." she grumbled as the phones continued to ring. "Just calm your tits, ladies. Look if she's an *actual* problem, security *will* handle it-"

"I'm not going anywhere until you CALL someone! I'm TOTALLY pressing charges!" the shortstack interrupted again in her shrill voice.

Angelica, already close to her limit, snapped.

"Oh, you don't say? Well, then, lemme call all the people you need." she growled in a way that anyone who knew her was dangerous but other people would take as just a cantankerous old woman's rasping because of too much smoking. She picked up her cell phone to do her favorite "call for a waaaaaaah-bulance" joke and tapped on something else instead, surprised to see that her phone's entire screen had been taken over by some new app.

The Really Magic 8-Ball?

"What the fuck is this?" she grumbled to herself, staring at it.

"Oh, if you're having trouble working your cell, I can call the cops for you. My Nana's no good with tech too." the big one said in a tone that was genuinely helpful and pissed her off even more because she couldn't stand being condescended to because of her age. Angelica whipped up a finger on one hand at her in an aggressive "Wait" motion and then she angrily jabbed at some pop-ups to try and close and uninstall this bullshit, only for it to bring up another box.

"Just can it for a second, will you?"

The pop up box read "Ask The Really Magic 8-Ball your question and the answer WILL come true!"

"What? No! We're waiting and you're being totally rude!" the short one snapped. "If you don't call, like, security or the cops right now, I'm going to get you FIRED!"

Angelica decided to roll with it, why not. She'd been in this crummy town long enough to learn to deal with improv after all.

"Hey, Magic 8-Ball, will both these two stop all their complaining and do what I tell 'em to before I call security to get rid of them instead?"

She waved the app in their faces sarcastically before looking at it herself, presenting it to all three of them.

"Yes, now and always." the Really Magic 8-Ball announced.

"You b-" the short, busty one said before abruptly shutting up, her face going stoic and untroubled with a placid expression. Seconds later, her eyes seemed to bulge out of her head slightly, as if she was trying to say something but couldn't even so much as change her facial expression.

"You-" she tried to say again but it was like her dumb little cupid's bow mouth wouldn't form words and instead just went back to an untroubled, neutral expression, blue eyes placid before continuing. "-are so right. I'm sorry for making a scene." she ended in a calm, nearly robotic tone before touching her pale throat with confusion.

"Are you OK?" the tall one said to her, looking confused, then suspiciously at Angelica. "If you did something to her, I'll-"

Suddenly, the Amazon's mouth snapped shut as well and her body language also went relaxed, as if she'd just shrugged off something not worth worrying about.

"Assume it was for a good reason." she finished in the same unbothered tone. "Nothing is wrong."

The big girl slapped a hand up to her lips, a shocked expression on her face.

Angelica glanced at her phone and then glanced at the two girls who seemed to be acting like the app was the word of God or some shit. They were better at improv than she expected - cute joke. Too bad she wasn't in the mood for comedy.

"Ha, ha, very funny." she grumbled at them, waving her hand and putting down her cell. "Now stop making a damn scene, go sit down, shut up and wait until you're called. I gotta switchboard to answer."

She blinked with surprise when the two girls each literally ran to the nearest free chairs and plopped down like their asses were on fire. There was a brief flash of that same bug-eyed look but it was gone in an instant and replaced by the cool, nonchalant gaze instead, complete with relaxed body language - at least for a few seconds. The short one with the wardrobe malfunction whipped out her phone and seemed to be trying to text something frantically, but only for a second as her body language instantly changed to something more unhurried and her fingers seemed to delete what she was sending. The tall one seemed to do exactly likewise, brow furrowed with thought, until suddenly it wasn't. Boobs and Muscles also looked at each other and then around the room, their necks both straining like they were trying to say something, a weird counterpoint to their mild expressions. In fact, Angelica realized, it was like they were trying to do a lot of things, complain in particular . . . but couldn't. And neither one of these two could possibly be that good of an actress at a cattle call like this one. It couldn't be.

Could it?

Angelica's eyes narrowed and she looked at them and then looked back at her cell and then back at them. Why the fuck not? Time to see if they were really just fucking with her or not.

"Hey, you two! C'mere again." she yelled to be heard over the ringing phones and general chaos of dozens of actresses running lines.

The two jumped up and practically ran to her desk again, their eyes betraying confusion but otherwise seeming untroubled.

"Tell me your names."

"Taylor McEdwards." the short, butsy one said, gasping slightly as if incredibly relieved to be able to speak again. "Omigod, what is happening?"

"Binita Khatri." the ripped leggy one said, brown eyes darting at the secretary's phone, then experimentally added. "Please, I-

But Angelica continued as if they hadn't spoken.

"Great. Both of you, go to the bathroom, take off all your clothes and then come back out here buck naked in front of everyone."

Their eyes widened but their placid faces showed no other signs of complaint as they immediately turned to comply.

"Wait! I'm not done yet." she growled.

They turned back to face Angelica, awaiting instructions.

"After that, start skipping around the room. You," she said pointing at Taylor, "do it while pinching your as nipples hard as you can and singing "Look at me, I'm Tits McGee!" and you," she added with a glance at Kelly's large frame "do it while singing, uhhhh . . ."

She snapped her fingers after a moment's thought.

"I'm Big Kiki the slut, I need cocks up my butt!" and spanking yourself. Oh, and both of you keep it up until I say stop." she finished with a cruel smirk.

Their eyes widened for an instant but then the same placid, utterly stoic expressions took over.

"Now you can go." Angelica added after a moment's realization they were waiting for even more instructions. "Chop chop!"

The two girls then literally ran off to the nearby bathroom together and Angelica smiled evilly. With one eye on the hallway to the nearby restroom, she flipped her cell phone lock screen off and utterly ignored the ringing work phone to explore this new "Really Magic 8-Ball" app with a very keen and sudden interest.