Cami's date

"Oh! I bet thas' Robert! He wanneda take me clubbin' anight!" Cami exclaims.

Clubbing in Salina, Utah?

"Oh, thas' great, sweezie!" Mom says. "I'm glaz her bruzzer an me could guess you startzed! Those club drreens are spensib!"

Cami gets up and wobles in the general direction of the front of the house. Mom tries to follow but can't get out of her chair. You help her and walk her towards the front door. She leans very heavily on you and you hold her tight around the waist. She smells really good, you can't help but noticing.

By the time you get to the front door Cami has already let the visitor in. It is indeed Robert Morris, a guy in your ward a year older than Cami. You've always thought he was a prick and you're not at all happy with the idea of him taking your drunken sister's out to get drunker.

"Hello Sister Peterson!" Robert greets your mother. Did he just check out her rack?

"Haaaaaayyyy, Robert!" Your drunken mom exclaims and worms her way out of your grasp to stagger towards her daughter's date and hug him. "You be good t' my daughter, now! The Holy Ghoss is washing you!"

"I'll be on my best behavior, Sister Peterson!" He assured her.

"You'll haffa take his word for it, Mom," Cami said. "I'll be too drunka eben know!"

Your mom giggles at that. She giggled about this douche nozzle getting her daughter so drunk she doesn't know what's happening. You feel you should object, but this is all so bizarre and before you know it he has whisked Cami off to the club scene that apparently exists in Salina now.

"Um, Mom?" You ask once they've driven off but she's still waving in the doorway. "Aren't you afraid he'll take advantage of her?"

Your mom snorts and giggles.

"Chill, Hyrum," she says. "He's, like, an RM. If he knocks her up, he'll tozally take her to the temple! Thas' why your dad an me want you a go on a missshton. When you're a Returnd Missionary all the girls l'let you getsum drunk as you wants a gettum drunks!"

"Oh hell, mom! Even now with the mission?" You exclaim.

"Shshshhhh" she says, awkwardly trying to put a finger to your lips and instead putting two in your mouth. "Forget I said anythings. I made green jello shots! Wiff Cami gone there's more for us! Wanna wash a movie an get plassered wifyer ol' mom?"

You realize you're too drunk to go after Cami even if you knew what to do once you caught up with her. And your mom won't make it to the couch on her own in her current state. You guide her to the living room, set her up with the remote to find a movie and then go to the kitchen for the jello shots.

The kitchen is a mess but she made enough for a frat party. Cami won't be the only one wondering what happened tomorrow.

You find your Mom has cued up the movie Hot Tub Time Machine. Not what you were expecting. She has also undone several blouse buttons and unzipped her pants.

"Yay! Jello shots!" Your mom cheers like a sorority pledge, then pats the couch cushion right next to her to call you over.

She grabs two tiny plastic cups of vodka encased in lime gelatin, one with each hand, and downs one and then the other and throws the empty cups behind the couch.

"Your turn!" She prompts. "Itsa blessing!"

You do as your mother tells you and down a jello shot. She grabs another. The jello jiggles. Her boobs jiggle. You realize she took her bra off while you were in the kitchen. You also realize your mom has incredible tits. You suppose you've realized this for some time now but now you're too drunk to stop yourself from realizing that you realize it. And mom is entirely too drunk to object to you realizing it.

"Woopsie!" Mom exclaims as her fourth shot misses her mouth and skills down to rest in her cleavage. "Can you get that for me shweetie?"

"Uh..." You say, still not quite capable of accepting this is happening.

Your mom blushes furiously.

"Oh mercy, Hyrum! Sorry!" She exclaims. "I'm really druns. I thought you wuz yer dad there for a sec. I miss him. Like, a lot. Strong drink always makes me... Miss Daddy..."

"Thas'...ok, mom," you assure her. "I knew that's what you meant."

Your raging hard on volunteers that Dad had not figured into its interpretation, thank you very much.

How had you gotten yourself into this situation?

Oh. Right.

"Mom, I'll be right back," you say. "I left something I need in my room."

You head up to do some more scriptural editing.